i cant make it on my own..
i was doing so well today too. damnit. thats life i guess. sometimes i just get in these moods where i remember what it feels like to be loved to have someone want to be around me..and i just get sad. cant help it but i wish i was better at hiding it.
got my toes done today. i was supposed to get them done for the wedding..buuutttt now im not going. i still wanted to get them done cause i had been planning it and it just makes me feel good about myself. now im thinking about a massage or a spa day.
some days i feel like giving up on finding someone all together. today was def. one of those days. i watch my sister and ian and theyre so happy together and i watch all these movies where the girl ends up with the guy and i read all these girls' away messages where they say how in love they are with their boyfriends and how much they care about them..and sometimes i wanna puke..and other times i think what happened with me? what is it about me that makes me so seemingly undesierable to men? but at the same time..i know im not. not trying to build myself up or anything, but i know im not THAT unattractive that some decent, normal, attractive guy would like me and take me out and treat me right and not think im "unique" (in a bad way) or find another girl with blonde hair and big boobs thats prettier than me. *sigh* ive found a few nice guys in my time..its not like im saying every guy ive ever dated or wanted to date has been a jerk. actually pretty much none of them have been..but for some reason im still alone. and theres some out there that would blame it on me because ive "passed up" so many of those good guys. some might call my hypocritical because im sitting here talking about how i cant find a nice guy but i have several in my life..sometimes i just think theres something better out there for them. it just doesnt feel right and im not about dating someone just because theyre there..
enough of that. im starting to get a headache. ill just think about it instead of writing it all out. i really should learn to post earlier so i have time to write out all my feelings instead of just parts of it. that tends to get confusing. sorry.
and i cant make it on my ooowwwwwnnnn...(ramon maybe you can finish that one off for me..haha) the songs stuck my my head. i bought that cd today.
goodnight.
got my toes done today. i was supposed to get them done for the wedding..buuutttt now im not going. i still wanted to get them done cause i had been planning it and it just makes me feel good about myself. now im thinking about a massage or a spa day.
some days i feel like giving up on finding someone all together. today was def. one of those days. i watch my sister and ian and theyre so happy together and i watch all these movies where the girl ends up with the guy and i read all these girls' away messages where they say how in love they are with their boyfriends and how much they care about them..and sometimes i wanna puke..and other times i think what happened with me? what is it about me that makes me so seemingly undesierable to men? but at the same time..i know im not. not trying to build myself up or anything, but i know im not THAT unattractive that some decent, normal, attractive guy would like me and take me out and treat me right and not think im "unique" (in a bad way) or find another girl with blonde hair and big boobs thats prettier than me. *sigh* ive found a few nice guys in my time..its not like im saying every guy ive ever dated or wanted to date has been a jerk. actually pretty much none of them have been..but for some reason im still alone. and theres some out there that would blame it on me because ive "passed up" so many of those good guys. some might call my hypocritical because im sitting here talking about how i cant find a nice guy but i have several in my life..sometimes i just think theres something better out there for them. it just doesnt feel right and im not about dating someone just because theyre there..
enough of that. im starting to get a headache. ill just think about it instead of writing it all out. i really should learn to post earlier so i have time to write out all my feelings instead of just parts of it. that tends to get confusing. sorry.
and i cant make it on my ooowwwwwnnnn...(ramon maybe you can finish that one off for me..haha) the songs stuck my my head. i bought that cd today.
goodnight.