(no subject)
may i say, i absolutely love kevin devine. well, his music anyway. if you want to get technical. and i've just realized he is the singer of another band called Miracle of 86. so now i'm going to dig up the albums from my work and order them if i have to. i downloaded a few songs by them and, of course, i like it. woo.
i really wanted booze tonight in order to put myself to sleep but i've managed to surprise myself and kill time on the computer. i'm sick of watching the same old movies i have over and over again. that is practically all i do lately. it's boring. it's so hard to distract myself because all i seem to end up thinking about is goddamned johnny still. i need to stop wishing that could have been so perfect and that maybe i'm wrong about everything. that would be the easy and happy way. so i just try to keep telling myself i hate him because he's a jerk ass and never really cared about me. well, up until some point. but don't they all. i hate guys. i hate relationships. it's so funny how they are the best and worst things in the world. either way, whether we love or hate someone, we can't control it. and i think that is the hardest part. i couldn't ever hate him. even though i try. and i hate that i can't make myself feel that way. because he deserves it. well, at best i can just make him think that i do. if he knew me though, i guess deep down he could believe it's not true. look at me... rambling about shiiiiiiit. god my brain just doesn't stop.
amy and i took a long ass drive yesterday. we ended up in the white mountains and took some photos and then went to north conway to get food and use the bank. i kind of wanted to go out with my friends yesterday and tonight but i didnt have the money. although it's kind of sad, i'm not all that disappointed cause i partly don't feel like it. i really wanted to go out yesterday though cause sometimes i can't sit anywhere for 2 seconds.
speaking of that, i borrowed a book from work about dyslexia. i was reading it while i was supposed to be attending the music section. it is pretty interesting. i know i have some sort of dyslexia, add, some sort of depression, ocd, anxiety... not all to extreme, but enough to affect me some what. i think everyone does. some more than others. some less than others. i've been reading through the list of features of development for dyslexia, and i'm like, yup, yup, yup, that's me yup, nope, yup... haha.
there is a movie being released that is based on a charles bukowski book called Factotum. i'm half way through reading it. i think this might be the first time that i'm going to read a book first before seeing the movie. that is one of my life goals. i know, i'm weird. you know what i've come to conclude? i like to scratch off that silver shit that one needs a penny or key or something to scratch it off. like on scratch tickets or junk mail or calling cards. it's just fun.
i really wanted booze tonight in order to put myself to sleep but i've managed to surprise myself and kill time on the computer. i'm sick of watching the same old movies i have over and over again. that is practically all i do lately. it's boring. it's so hard to distract myself because all i seem to end up thinking about is goddamned johnny still. i need to stop wishing that could have been so perfect and that maybe i'm wrong about everything. that would be the easy and happy way. so i just try to keep telling myself i hate him because he's a jerk ass and never really cared about me. well, up until some point. but don't they all. i hate guys. i hate relationships. it's so funny how they are the best and worst things in the world. either way, whether we love or hate someone, we can't control it. and i think that is the hardest part. i couldn't ever hate him. even though i try. and i hate that i can't make myself feel that way. because he deserves it. well, at best i can just make him think that i do. if he knew me though, i guess deep down he could believe it's not true. look at me... rambling about shiiiiiiit. god my brain just doesn't stop.
amy and i took a long ass drive yesterday. we ended up in the white mountains and took some photos and then went to north conway to get food and use the bank. i kind of wanted to go out with my friends yesterday and tonight but i didnt have the money. although it's kind of sad, i'm not all that disappointed cause i partly don't feel like it. i really wanted to go out yesterday though cause sometimes i can't sit anywhere for 2 seconds.
speaking of that, i borrowed a book from work about dyslexia. i was reading it while i was supposed to be attending the music section. it is pretty interesting. i know i have some sort of dyslexia, add, some sort of depression, ocd, anxiety... not all to extreme, but enough to affect me some what. i think everyone does. some more than others. some less than others. i've been reading through the list of features of development for dyslexia, and i'm like, yup, yup, yup, that's me yup, nope, yup... haha.
there is a movie being released that is based on a charles bukowski book called Factotum. i'm half way through reading it. i think this might be the first time that i'm going to read a book first before seeing the movie. that is one of my life goals. i know, i'm weird. you know what i've come to conclude? i like to scratch off that silver shit that one needs a penny or key or something to scratch it off. like on scratch tickets or junk mail or calling cards. it's just fun.