things i wonder now that you are gone
At the end of the day, the problem is that you can't seem to get the imaginary relationship out of your head. People who go through breakups, they can cite actual reasons why it didn't work out, why they're better off without them. But you never got that chance. So, all the what-ifs and should-haves stay lingering in the air, making it impossible to just get over him and keep you replaying the past while everyone else seems to skip merrily, hand-in-hand, into the future. It's a constant effort to forget about him, about them, and you're rarely rewarded any success. Maybe for one minute of one day you'll actually manage it, but then something (some insignificant thing, like someone wearing the same shoes he wears) brings him rushing back to the forefront of your mind. So naive were you to think that you had extinguished the fire; sure, you got the flames to die down, but the embers were still burning white hot, just waiting for a puff of oxygen to bring them roaring back to life.