(no subject)
i feel as though im complaining. i feel as though im being selfish. i feel as though im jealous. maybe i am jealous. i dont think i am. i dont feel jealous. but maybe deep down inside i am and i just dont know it. who knows. i just feel it again. and i hate it. i dont really want to tell people because i dont want to get into it again. i just want to leave it alone. but i dont want to go on feeling this. it sucks. school sucks. life sucks. i need amber at school with me. things would be so much easier.
*edit* @ 1050ish. so, to add to my shittiness, my mom turned on the VCR so she messed my taping thing and i missed the OC. fuck. i am seriously pissed. and, josh got on my nerves at work. and, i didnt get home from work until 10. which is redic. jkeslfsla. we close at 9. 20 after 9, there were still people in there, so mike wouldnt let lindsey and i sweep/mop. piss. and, we were busy all night long. i didnt get a break at all. there was no slow time. steady busyness for 4 hours. fksldfsl. and, now i have ALL my homework to do. which includes writing a speech. and, im a stress eater. when i get stressed, i eat. a lot. and, im stressed right now. so im eating a lot. and i lost 5 lbs since school started. guess ill be gaining that back. and, people can really tell that my boobs have shrunk. i hate it. i hate my body. which stresses me out even more. i was made fun of today because ive never been kissed. i wanted to cry. i hate being made fun of. im sick of it. i act like it doesnt bother me, but it does. and i try. hard. ive tried losing weight, and i have lost some. well, 30 lbs. but, i cant seem to lose that extra 10 or 15. im like stuck. so, another year with no first date. another year with no first kiss. another year of me staying up late crying myself to sleep because no one likes me. i hate it. i really do. skinny people dont know how good they have it. they really dont. attractive people dont know how good they have it. i would kill to be like them. anyone but me. i hate me, and aparently so do other people. it sucks. people dont understand. i just want to get away.
*edit* @ 1050ish. so, to add to my shittiness, my mom turned on the VCR so she messed my taping thing and i missed the OC. fuck. i am seriously pissed. and, josh got on my nerves at work. and, i didnt get home from work until 10. which is redic. jkeslfsla. we close at 9. 20 after 9, there were still people in there, so mike wouldnt let lindsey and i sweep/mop. piss. and, we were busy all night long. i didnt get a break at all. there was no slow time. steady busyness for 4 hours. fksldfsl. and, now i have ALL my homework to do. which includes writing a speech. and, im a stress eater. when i get stressed, i eat. a lot. and, im stressed right now. so im eating a lot. and i lost 5 lbs since school started. guess ill be gaining that back. and, people can really tell that my boobs have shrunk. i hate it. i hate my body. which stresses me out even more. i was made fun of today because ive never been kissed. i wanted to cry. i hate being made fun of. im sick of it. i act like it doesnt bother me, but it does. and i try. hard. ive tried losing weight, and i have lost some. well, 30 lbs. but, i cant seem to lose that extra 10 or 15. im like stuck. so, another year with no first date. another year with no first kiss. another year of me staying up late crying myself to sleep because no one likes me. i hate it. i really do. skinny people dont know how good they have it. they really dont. attractive people dont know how good they have it. i would kill to be like them. anyone but me. i hate me, and aparently so do other people. it sucks. people dont understand. i just want to get away.