How to Annoy Me if I Am Your Waitress
(in no particular order)
1. Ignore the sign that says "Please Wait to Be Seated" and just go sit down.
2. If there's 2 dirty tables that haven't been cleared/wiped off yet, be sure to sit at one of those tables despite the fact that there's 10 others that are perfectly clean.
3. Say that you don't want a menu, and then ask what kind of soup we have. Even though the menu will tell you what kind of soup we have, it's better to ask me because I probably have nothing better to do than be your living menu.
4. When I ask if you'd like something to drink, start to order food. Because when I said "drink" I meant "eat" and I was all set to take your food order.
5. Tell me that you're ready to order and then take an hour to think about what you want.
6. Or, start to order something complicated before I'm ready to take your order and I don't have my pen and booklet out, therefore I will have to remember what you said as I get the booklet out and then scribble it down real quick.
7. Don't be familiar with the sides that your meal comes with. That way when I ask if you'd like a soup or a salad with your dinner, you can waste time by trying to decide.
8. Going along with that, you might get your choice of potato and a vegetable with your meal. So when I say, "What kind of potato would you like?" make sure to answer that you would like a salad.
9. If you are an old man who is slightly overweight, make sure to not shower so that the entire restaurant smells of your delightfully rotten body odor.
10. If you are old and hard of hearing, do not get a hearing aid. That way I have to yell and enunciate every letter of every word that I say.
11. I'm not just a waitress, I'm more like a slave. Please treat me like I should be worshipping you and do not use manners.
12. Ask me ridiculous questions about items on the menu so that I have to bother certain cooks who do not speak English clearly. "Are they bay scallops or sea scallops" is an important question. So is "Are the hamburgers frozen patties or are they made fresh?" As well as "Is the tuna salad made with mayonnaise or Miracle Whip?"
13. When I come check on your table, tell me you dropped your fork. When I bring another one, say you want some honey mustard. When I bring that, tell me you want a refill on your soda. When I bring that, have someone else at the table want a refill also. When I refill that, say you want a take-out box. Please have me running back and forth to your table as many times as you can, don't just tell me everything at once.
14. Have a little kid at the table, and when I ask what you'd like to drink, take 5 hours discussing it with aforementioned little kid while I stand there patiently waiting for a decision.
15. Order milkshakes. In fact, order three milkshakes, each of a different flavor.
16. Leave a giant mess on and around your table. Throwing food on the floor is a bonus.
17. Of course...leave me a small tip, perhaps less than 10% of the bill, despite my patience/resistance of the urge to strangle you, helpfulness, and fulfillment of your every restaurant-like need.
and more.
1. Ignore the sign that says "Please Wait to Be Seated" and just go sit down.
2. If there's 2 dirty tables that haven't been cleared/wiped off yet, be sure to sit at one of those tables despite the fact that there's 10 others that are perfectly clean.
3. Say that you don't want a menu, and then ask what kind of soup we have. Even though the menu will tell you what kind of soup we have, it's better to ask me because I probably have nothing better to do than be your living menu.
4. When I ask if you'd like something to drink, start to order food. Because when I said "drink" I meant "eat" and I was all set to take your food order.
5. Tell me that you're ready to order and then take an hour to think about what you want.
6. Or, start to order something complicated before I'm ready to take your order and I don't have my pen and booklet out, therefore I will have to remember what you said as I get the booklet out and then scribble it down real quick.
7. Don't be familiar with the sides that your meal comes with. That way when I ask if you'd like a soup or a salad with your dinner, you can waste time by trying to decide.
8. Going along with that, you might get your choice of potato and a vegetable with your meal. So when I say, "What kind of potato would you like?" make sure to answer that you would like a salad.
9. If you are an old man who is slightly overweight, make sure to not shower so that the entire restaurant smells of your delightfully rotten body odor.
10. If you are old and hard of hearing, do not get a hearing aid. That way I have to yell and enunciate every letter of every word that I say.
11. I'm not just a waitress, I'm more like a slave. Please treat me like I should be worshipping you and do not use manners.
12. Ask me ridiculous questions about items on the menu so that I have to bother certain cooks who do not speak English clearly. "Are they bay scallops or sea scallops" is an important question. So is "Are the hamburgers frozen patties or are they made fresh?" As well as "Is the tuna salad made with mayonnaise or Miracle Whip?"
13. When I come check on your table, tell me you dropped your fork. When I bring another one, say you want some honey mustard. When I bring that, tell me you want a refill on your soda. When I bring that, have someone else at the table want a refill also. When I refill that, say you want a take-out box. Please have me running back and forth to your table as many times as you can, don't just tell me everything at once.
14. Have a little kid at the table, and when I ask what you'd like to drink, take 5 hours discussing it with aforementioned little kid while I stand there patiently waiting for a decision.
15. Order milkshakes. In fact, order three milkshakes, each of a different flavor.
16. Leave a giant mess on and around your table. Throwing food on the floor is a bonus.
17. Of course...leave me a small tip, perhaps less than 10% of the bill, despite my patience/resistance of the urge to strangle you, helpfulness, and fulfillment of your every restaurant-like need.
and more.