fuck everything and their mom.
i feel like my life is falling apart.
okay maybe not my life.. but my mind.. and my body.
im emotional exhausted. i cant take my mind anymore.. all i fucking do is think. think about anything and eveything.
im done with it.
yet ofcorse im not.
cuz there are unanswered questions.
unanswered feelings.
that are
driving
me
up
the
fucking
wall.
i feel like im crazy.
i feel like its all in my head..
im that crazy girl in that movie.. you know who im talking about
she makes excuses for shit to make her feel better
when in reality
the excuses she makes are so fair from the truth it shows shes out of her fucking bird.
thats me
im out of my fucking bird.
i wanna go home.
just for a fucking god damn weekend.
just to feel the love from my friends.
just to feel that hug from my mom.
just to feel that hug from matt.
from everyone that truely loves me and knows me
i miss that fucking love so much.
its killing me
u really dont know what u have till its gone
in this case its temporarly on hold for a couple of months.
but it fucking sucks
it sucks being the odd one out.
im odd in almost everything.
i smoke ciggs.
i do drugs.
i drink.
wtf.
i feel like im livin in some werid world outside of the US and my only contact with normal people is texting
speaking of which i finally got my new phone. and theres an AWEFUL buzzing noise when ever im on the phone with people
now i have to fucking call ATT and send it back prob and wait another 2 weeks for another new phone.
UGH UGH UGH UGH
wtf.
everything good that happens in my life lasts any where between 2 weeks and a month.
i dont understand
do i do this to my self?
seriously?
cuz i cant fucking make sense of it.
im never just happy for a long period of time. i always have some fucking crazy mind drama going on.
ad when i am fucking happy. im happy for maybe a fucking week and i have to go and fuck it up. or something happens that fucking fucks it up.
i dont get it. everything that makes me happy in my life gets taken away.
in 10th grade my best friend sister. moved to GA. wtf?! why. just why would u put her so fucking far away from me?
thats one example. .
even today.. like i was so fucking happy i got my phone. so fucking happy.t hings have been shitty and it just kinda brought my spirits up and nope now its fucking broken.
and fucking in the beginning of the month.
ive been waiting fucking 18 years for everything ive ever wanted.
its fucking sappy as shit.
i gave up in about 11th grade on even liking people.
just dont care
deceided to become asexual. just dont want it.. like i like myself. i like being alone, i like my own company.. i wouldnt really want anyone to annoy me.
and then BAM
outta fucking no where someone comes along, when im least fucking expecting
feelings i never thought i would show to someone due to such insecurities that i have just started showing.
it was only for a short time
but i was so fucking happy
i couldnt believe this was my life
couldnt believe it got that good within a month
said such things i never thought a person could say to me
now.
avoidence.
ignoreence
were they all fucking lies!?
i really dont think they are the type of person to lie like that.
like i seriously feel in my gut that he just not that type of person
but then again.. u never know a person.
people dont know certain things about me..
but then again. it just doesnt make sense.
nothing makes sense anymore.
i dont wanna stay holding on to feelings and feeling like this crazy person
but i cant not hold on to feelings.
eveynight i fucking fall asleep to thinking about it.
i fucking just cant stop.
its fucking killing me.
granted it was my first.. not like that.
but like shit.
i really just wanted to get to know him
he was even thinking into the future,
"i have you for 10 months"
"im gonna make u chili one day"
and in my fucking crazy head
"i wanna bring u home. take u to thanksgiving at my house. show u a family"
"I cant wait for you to hear brand new"
anything. stupid shit.
just fucking sucks
werid things
"i missed u so much"
Bullshit.
"you cant call bullshit on that.. cuz it true"
fuck
just
fuck.
these are the things running threw my head every fucking night
"i feel like ive known u my whole life"
okay that wont sounds like a line to get into my pants
but if its not.
wtf.
why are u perfect.
why arent u talking to me.
why are u avioding me
do u not really like me?
just all saying things to get some?
why cant u atleast still talk to me?
it just doesnt make fucking sense to me
nothing does
im done
i wanna fucking disappear.
just completely go into hiding,
never having to go on STUPID FUCKING FACEBOOK OR MYSPACE.
NO BE IN THE FUCKING STATE OF GA
just be home.
so that i wont have to worry about anything
cuz im so far away it wouldnt matter to me
what hte fuck ever.
fuck
everying
im going to fucking study for a fucking midterm i not fucking ready for.
and yeah i cant use the word fuck more.
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
fucker
fuckes
fucks
little fucking shits
ass whole mother fuckers.
okay maybe not my life.. but my mind.. and my body.
im emotional exhausted. i cant take my mind anymore.. all i fucking do is think. think about anything and eveything.
im done with it.
yet ofcorse im not.
cuz there are unanswered questions.
unanswered feelings.
that are
driving
me
up
the
fucking
wall.
i feel like im crazy.
i feel like its all in my head..
im that crazy girl in that movie.. you know who im talking about
she makes excuses for shit to make her feel better
when in reality
the excuses she makes are so fair from the truth it shows shes out of her fucking bird.
thats me
im out of my fucking bird.
i wanna go home.
just for a fucking god damn weekend.
just to feel the love from my friends.
just to feel that hug from my mom.
just to feel that hug from matt.
from everyone that truely loves me and knows me
i miss that fucking love so much.
its killing me
u really dont know what u have till its gone
in this case its temporarly on hold for a couple of months.
but it fucking sucks
it sucks being the odd one out.
im odd in almost everything.
i smoke ciggs.
i do drugs.
i drink.
wtf.
i feel like im livin in some werid world outside of the US and my only contact with normal people is texting
speaking of which i finally got my new phone. and theres an AWEFUL buzzing noise when ever im on the phone with people
now i have to fucking call ATT and send it back prob and wait another 2 weeks for another new phone.
UGH UGH UGH UGH
wtf.
everything good that happens in my life lasts any where between 2 weeks and a month.
i dont understand
do i do this to my self?
seriously?
cuz i cant fucking make sense of it.
im never just happy for a long period of time. i always have some fucking crazy mind drama going on.
ad when i am fucking happy. im happy for maybe a fucking week and i have to go and fuck it up. or something happens that fucking fucks it up.
i dont get it. everything that makes me happy in my life gets taken away.
in 10th grade my best friend sister. moved to GA. wtf?! why. just why would u put her so fucking far away from me?
thats one example. .
even today.. like i was so fucking happy i got my phone. so fucking happy.t hings have been shitty and it just kinda brought my spirits up and nope now its fucking broken.
and fucking in the beginning of the month.
ive been waiting fucking 18 years for everything ive ever wanted.
its fucking sappy as shit.
i gave up in about 11th grade on even liking people.
just dont care
deceided to become asexual. just dont want it.. like i like myself. i like being alone, i like my own company.. i wouldnt really want anyone to annoy me.
and then BAM
outta fucking no where someone comes along, when im least fucking expecting
feelings i never thought i would show to someone due to such insecurities that i have just started showing.
it was only for a short time
but i was so fucking happy
i couldnt believe this was my life
couldnt believe it got that good within a month
said such things i never thought a person could say to me
now.
avoidence.
ignoreence
were they all fucking lies!?
i really dont think they are the type of person to lie like that.
like i seriously feel in my gut that he just not that type of person
but then again.. u never know a person.
people dont know certain things about me..
but then again. it just doesnt make sense.
nothing makes sense anymore.
i dont wanna stay holding on to feelings and feeling like this crazy person
but i cant not hold on to feelings.
eveynight i fucking fall asleep to thinking about it.
i fucking just cant stop.
its fucking killing me.
granted it was my first.. not like that.
but like shit.
i really just wanted to get to know him
he was even thinking into the future,
"i have you for 10 months"
"im gonna make u chili one day"
and in my fucking crazy head
"i wanna bring u home. take u to thanksgiving at my house. show u a family"
"I cant wait for you to hear brand new"
anything. stupid shit.
just fucking sucks
werid things
"i missed u so much"
Bullshit.
"you cant call bullshit on that.. cuz it true"
fuck
just
fuck.
these are the things running threw my head every fucking night
"i feel like ive known u my whole life"
okay that wont sounds like a line to get into my pants
but if its not.
wtf.
why are u perfect.
why arent u talking to me.
why are u avioding me
do u not really like me?
just all saying things to get some?
why cant u atleast still talk to me?
it just doesnt make fucking sense to me
nothing does
im done
i wanna fucking disappear.
just completely go into hiding,
never having to go on STUPID FUCKING FACEBOOK OR MYSPACE.
NO BE IN THE FUCKING STATE OF GA
just be home.
so that i wont have to worry about anything
cuz im so far away it wouldnt matter to me
what hte fuck ever.
fuck
everying
im going to fucking study for a fucking midterm i not fucking ready for.
and yeah i cant use the word fuck more.
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
fucker
fuckes
fucks
little fucking shits
ass whole mother fuckers.