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so i havent updated in a while. and alotta shits gone down, so i figured...what the fuck, get etm out and whatnot. so heres the table of contents for your ease of reading (ie. you can skip what you donrt care about if you so desire):
1. Chapter 1, in which Adam says farewell to his best friend of 15 years
2. Chapter 2, in which Adam faces relationship issues
3. Chapter 3, in which Adam attempts to help his brother but instead causes worldwide disaster
..................................................................................................................................................................
CHAPTER 1:
so ive known for a while that my dog wasnt doing well. she was sick. she was 14 years old. she wasnt hearing well anymore. she was being carried out to the backyard to walk her. her foot was operated on and disabled her to walk.
i knew all of this at school.
so why, when i get home, is all i see my puppy....the only other living soul on this planet who has, quite literally, seen everything ive ever hid from the rest of the world? since i was 5, ive had jet...she was always my dog, even though technically she was bought for my sister. she slept in my bed. every night. at the same spot, quietly chewing on my blanket (a soft snhuffling noise which easily lulled one to sleep). i didnt see, nor could i, the old and dying animal my mother had so blatantly described to me over the phone. she looked as happy to see me as ever....eager kisses to the face to make sure i was alright, and me looking at her leg and sighing softly to myself. she didnt sleep in my room that night...she couldnt get up from the front hallway to get to my room. i layed with her for a while though. i didnt fall asleep, but i kept her company anyway.
(an aside...im crying a bit as i write this, but i didnt at the time. i wonder why that is)
i talked with my family the next day. they wanted to put her to sleep. i told them to just wait...it was gonna be soon anyway, i argued, and please just let her go peacefully and gracefully. but my mother had decided long before i spoke that jet was to be put to sleep (evidence: the appoinment she had at the Humane Society for 10 am the next morning...which she couldnt have made post-speaking, as the discussion took place late at night). so i had to say goodbye to my dog. and i did. i kinda just pet her on the head the next morning like i would anytime. i kissed her nose, touffled her fur, and said, "bye everyone, im going to sam's." and i did. sam and i went to lincoln road, where while we walked around commenting on the people around us, my head kept thinking of my dog, being put to sleep.
it rained alot that day. i felt it appropriate, if a bit cliche.
and thats how my dog died.
CHAPTER 2:
murray and i had our first real fight. over something stupid, as fghts usually are. i wont go into details as some things i wish to remain between him and i (no offense, loyal fanbase, i love you all), but suffice it to say that for a good 2 day period, neither of us were happy. wed fight a bit and then talk to each other, and all would be well. then later, when things had stewed a bit, tempers would flare again, and a whole new fight would erupt. the whole fiasco ended after we went to see unleashed (a kickass movie, by the way, which i recommend to everyone). we got intot he corvette in the aventura garage on the 5th floor, and for a good hour we yelled at one another. he threatened to leave, i held both him and the door shut, nd then we broke down. just, total girly-movie-stereotypical-crying-little-fags. everything wed been holding back just -phwoom-. and it felt really good to get it out. not at the time, it hurt like a motherfucker then, but soon ater it was out......it felt right again. wed gotten the shit out. 10 mnths and very little time together...it does that, ya know?
alls well now (this weekend was fun, and god knows i will never look at the bathroom counter the same again). yay for murray.
CHAPTER 3:
ok. so. my brother wanted to have a kegger for himself and friends. my brother wanted me to help him through it. my brother wanted me to get the keg.
my brother is 15 years old.
i was hesitant at first, but thanks to the good advice of my peers (-cough-jennyfeinberg-cough-), i gave in and told him id get the keg, as long as it was agreed thatd be the only thing there, and that the kids wouldnt go in the pool drunk. he agreed.
so the day arrives. the kids get there. id gotten the keg. they were really chill for 15 year olds. one specifically is someone i could chill with regularly just cause hes a cool mutha. murray is there, and hes enjoying the keg to its fullest extent. im quite stoned, having smoked with a bunch of my brothers 15 yeard old friends.
oh yea. did i mention that my rents were in ny for the weekend, and that my sister was in her own appartment this summer?
to sum a long story up, one girl was fucking stupid and ended up drinking herself stupider to the point where the only words she could manage all sounded like "glahhh." she was picked up in that condition by a friends father, who as great about the whole thing, and took the girl home.
now heres when it gets interesting.
apparently, my brother wasnt allowed to have friends over at all, a strict rule from the rents which he ad failed to mention to me, and which my rents did not feel fit to tell me too. so (lets keep track now) thats 2 mistakes already.
the drunk girl, who apparently gets drunk quite regularly (her twin brother covers for her, and the parents are utterly oblivious to the whole thing), told her rents that murray and i had "set bottles of alcohol on the table for her and her friends." thats wrong, says i, we would never put alcohol out for kids. although this bends the truth slightly, in essence, we never did but bottles out for the kids, so of this we are innocent. 3 mistakes.
the friends dad who had helped pick her up lied to both my rents and the drunk girls rents. he told her rents that he had a)spoken to my rents about the party (4 mistakes), b)didnt know it was going to be supervised by me until he dropped them off (5 mistakes...he had spoken to me earlier that day on the phone, when i made sure to tell him that they werent home and that itd be me watching them....a conversation he says he didnt have....6 mistakes) and c)that my rents had told him to bring the girls over for the party (7 mistakes...this differs from a) in that in the former, he simply talked about a party with my rents, where in the latter he specifically mentioned this party)
to my fault, i lied about the keg to my rents, as i did not want to become involved in this. earlier in the night, a father who scoped out the yard found a flask some kid had brought and left out. he brought it to me, and i fake-yelled at all the kids. the flask was already empty, and i didnt want it, so i left it on a potter, and told the kids that if it was there at the end of the night i was trashing it. because of this, i was able to pass the story off as "the girl got drunk off the flask, which i didnt know about till it was empty. then she got uberdrunk, and the rest is history." unfortunately, my brothers frineds are dipshits, and mentioned a keg to parents. enter my parents.
"adam, how could there have been a keg back there?"
"i have no idea...i dont even know where to get a keg down here, let alone would i give beer to 15 year olds!" (at this point, theres no more need to count mistakes, as the number climbs right out the window)
"how could one have been there then?"
"the only thing i can think of is that one of my friends brought it with them...they went right to the backyard, and i was inside alot. for all i know, they brought a pony keg with them and stashed it in the garbage can (where the keg was, and where the kids were saying it was, so inculded it must be).
"hm...how many friends were over who could get kegs?"
(didnt have to lie for this one) "easilly 6 or 7 of them could. theyre all 21 +...jeremy is 24."
"well...find out please which one of them did bring it, cause they are not welcome in this house anymore. at least we know how the beer got there, though, and how the girl managed to get so drunk."
"dont worry, im going to...im pissed one of my friends would do that to me. trust me, im gonna find out who brought it."
....to all my friends...forgive me for having used you like this, to divert attention away from myself. im not going to actually name anyone, and will just say that nobody is telling me a thing, and that i dont know how else to find out. alas! the name will be lost forever. shame. but yea, im sorry to all of you that i had to use the "my friends" line to worm my way outta this one. much apologies.
now, my brother is under a constant barrage of talks from my rents, the girls mom is looking into aa meetings for her 15 year old daughter, other parents are devastated and dont want their kids hanging out around the house, and all the parents in general are being complete dumbasses and douches. even more stereoypically white-rich-jewish-my-kid-is-perfect-and-you-should-die-for-saying-otherwise than i had expected. i mean...this girl was getting drunk. regularly. her friends knew. her twin knew. my parents knew. other parents knew. her parents were fucking clueless. and now, they learn that their precious baby has, to her own admission, drank "for the first time" at my house, under my care.
fuck you, bitch. youre 15 and stupid. you got fucking caught. deal with it and move on to hardocre drugs, already.
i suspect this will all end soon and quietly. ill just say that they wont tell me who brought it, but not to worry, cause none of them are welcome back unless i get a name (my mother will be infinitelly proud of me for adding a "threat" of not being welcome onto the end, as she speaks like that in everyday conversation). my brother and his friends will al be grounded for a bit, for both being where they shouldnt have been, and for doing things they shouldnt have been doing. and then, everyone will forget this ever happened, and itll be a funny high school memory for my brother and his friends in a few years.
"hey, remember that time when melissa got drunk at your first kegger, and all that shit went down with her parents?"
"yea, that was a fucking sweet party."
...and then tonight, i relaxed with murray and watched both "a dirty shame" which is a john waters movie that MUST be seen by anyone who appreciates funny sexual situations, and "madagascar" which was half decent, but shouldve just been about the penguins and the giraffe. nobody else.
and thats that, i think.
-fin-
1. Chapter 1, in which Adam says farewell to his best friend of 15 years
2. Chapter 2, in which Adam faces relationship issues
3. Chapter 3, in which Adam attempts to help his brother but instead causes worldwide disaster
..................................................................................................................................................................
CHAPTER 1:
so ive known for a while that my dog wasnt doing well. she was sick. she was 14 years old. she wasnt hearing well anymore. she was being carried out to the backyard to walk her. her foot was operated on and disabled her to walk.
i knew all of this at school.
so why, when i get home, is all i see my puppy....the only other living soul on this planet who has, quite literally, seen everything ive ever hid from the rest of the world? since i was 5, ive had jet...she was always my dog, even though technically she was bought for my sister. she slept in my bed. every night. at the same spot, quietly chewing on my blanket (a soft snhuffling noise which easily lulled one to sleep). i didnt see, nor could i, the old and dying animal my mother had so blatantly described to me over the phone. she looked as happy to see me as ever....eager kisses to the face to make sure i was alright, and me looking at her leg and sighing softly to myself. she didnt sleep in my room that night...she couldnt get up from the front hallway to get to my room. i layed with her for a while though. i didnt fall asleep, but i kept her company anyway.
(an aside...im crying a bit as i write this, but i didnt at the time. i wonder why that is)
i talked with my family the next day. they wanted to put her to sleep. i told them to just wait...it was gonna be soon anyway, i argued, and please just let her go peacefully and gracefully. but my mother had decided long before i spoke that jet was to be put to sleep (evidence: the appoinment she had at the Humane Society for 10 am the next morning...which she couldnt have made post-speaking, as the discussion took place late at night). so i had to say goodbye to my dog. and i did. i kinda just pet her on the head the next morning like i would anytime. i kissed her nose, touffled her fur, and said, "bye everyone, im going to sam's." and i did. sam and i went to lincoln road, where while we walked around commenting on the people around us, my head kept thinking of my dog, being put to sleep.
it rained alot that day. i felt it appropriate, if a bit cliche.
and thats how my dog died.
CHAPTER 2:
murray and i had our first real fight. over something stupid, as fghts usually are. i wont go into details as some things i wish to remain between him and i (no offense, loyal fanbase, i love you all), but suffice it to say that for a good 2 day period, neither of us were happy. wed fight a bit and then talk to each other, and all would be well. then later, when things had stewed a bit, tempers would flare again, and a whole new fight would erupt. the whole fiasco ended after we went to see unleashed (a kickass movie, by the way, which i recommend to everyone). we got intot he corvette in the aventura garage on the 5th floor, and for a good hour we yelled at one another. he threatened to leave, i held both him and the door shut, nd then we broke down. just, total girly-movie-stereotypical-crying-little-fags. everything wed been holding back just -phwoom-. and it felt really good to get it out. not at the time, it hurt like a motherfucker then, but soon ater it was out......it felt right again. wed gotten the shit out. 10 mnths and very little time together...it does that, ya know?
alls well now (this weekend was fun, and god knows i will never look at the bathroom counter the same again). yay for murray.
CHAPTER 3:
ok. so. my brother wanted to have a kegger for himself and friends. my brother wanted me to help him through it. my brother wanted me to get the keg.
my brother is 15 years old.
i was hesitant at first, but thanks to the good advice of my peers (-cough-jennyfeinberg-cough-), i gave in and told him id get the keg, as long as it was agreed thatd be the only thing there, and that the kids wouldnt go in the pool drunk. he agreed.
so the day arrives. the kids get there. id gotten the keg. they were really chill for 15 year olds. one specifically is someone i could chill with regularly just cause hes a cool mutha. murray is there, and hes enjoying the keg to its fullest extent. im quite stoned, having smoked with a bunch of my brothers 15 yeard old friends.
oh yea. did i mention that my rents were in ny for the weekend, and that my sister was in her own appartment this summer?
to sum a long story up, one girl was fucking stupid and ended up drinking herself stupider to the point where the only words she could manage all sounded like "glahhh." she was picked up in that condition by a friends father, who as great about the whole thing, and took the girl home.
now heres when it gets interesting.
apparently, my brother wasnt allowed to have friends over at all, a strict rule from the rents which he ad failed to mention to me, and which my rents did not feel fit to tell me too. so (lets keep track now) thats 2 mistakes already.
the drunk girl, who apparently gets drunk quite regularly (her twin brother covers for her, and the parents are utterly oblivious to the whole thing), told her rents that murray and i had "set bottles of alcohol on the table for her and her friends." thats wrong, says i, we would never put alcohol out for kids. although this bends the truth slightly, in essence, we never did but bottles out for the kids, so of this we are innocent. 3 mistakes.
the friends dad who had helped pick her up lied to both my rents and the drunk girls rents. he told her rents that he had a)spoken to my rents about the party (4 mistakes), b)didnt know it was going to be supervised by me until he dropped them off (5 mistakes...he had spoken to me earlier that day on the phone, when i made sure to tell him that they werent home and that itd be me watching them....a conversation he says he didnt have....6 mistakes) and c)that my rents had told him to bring the girls over for the party (7 mistakes...this differs from a) in that in the former, he simply talked about a party with my rents, where in the latter he specifically mentioned this party)
to my fault, i lied about the keg to my rents, as i did not want to become involved in this. earlier in the night, a father who scoped out the yard found a flask some kid had brought and left out. he brought it to me, and i fake-yelled at all the kids. the flask was already empty, and i didnt want it, so i left it on a potter, and told the kids that if it was there at the end of the night i was trashing it. because of this, i was able to pass the story off as "the girl got drunk off the flask, which i didnt know about till it was empty. then she got uberdrunk, and the rest is history." unfortunately, my brothers frineds are dipshits, and mentioned a keg to parents. enter my parents.
"adam, how could there have been a keg back there?"
"i have no idea...i dont even know where to get a keg down here, let alone would i give beer to 15 year olds!" (at this point, theres no more need to count mistakes, as the number climbs right out the window)
"how could one have been there then?"
"the only thing i can think of is that one of my friends brought it with them...they went right to the backyard, and i was inside alot. for all i know, they brought a pony keg with them and stashed it in the garbage can (where the keg was, and where the kids were saying it was, so inculded it must be).
"hm...how many friends were over who could get kegs?"
(didnt have to lie for this one) "easilly 6 or 7 of them could. theyre all 21 +...jeremy is 24."
"well...find out please which one of them did bring it, cause they are not welcome in this house anymore. at least we know how the beer got there, though, and how the girl managed to get so drunk."
"dont worry, im going to...im pissed one of my friends would do that to me. trust me, im gonna find out who brought it."
....to all my friends...forgive me for having used you like this, to divert attention away from myself. im not going to actually name anyone, and will just say that nobody is telling me a thing, and that i dont know how else to find out. alas! the name will be lost forever. shame. but yea, im sorry to all of you that i had to use the "my friends" line to worm my way outta this one. much apologies.
now, my brother is under a constant barrage of talks from my rents, the girls mom is looking into aa meetings for her 15 year old daughter, other parents are devastated and dont want their kids hanging out around the house, and all the parents in general are being complete dumbasses and douches. even more stereoypically white-rich-jewish-my-kid-is-perfect-and-you-should-die-for-saying-otherwise than i had expected. i mean...this girl was getting drunk. regularly. her friends knew. her twin knew. my parents knew. other parents knew. her parents were fucking clueless. and now, they learn that their precious baby has, to her own admission, drank "for the first time" at my house, under my care.
fuck you, bitch. youre 15 and stupid. you got fucking caught. deal with it and move on to hardocre drugs, already.
i suspect this will all end soon and quietly. ill just say that they wont tell me who brought it, but not to worry, cause none of them are welcome back unless i get a name (my mother will be infinitelly proud of me for adding a "threat" of not being welcome onto the end, as she speaks like that in everyday conversation). my brother and his friends will al be grounded for a bit, for both being where they shouldnt have been, and for doing things they shouldnt have been doing. and then, everyone will forget this ever happened, and itll be a funny high school memory for my brother and his friends in a few years.
"hey, remember that time when melissa got drunk at your first kegger, and all that shit went down with her parents?"
"yea, that was a fucking sweet party."
...and then tonight, i relaxed with murray and watched both "a dirty shame" which is a john waters movie that MUST be seen by anyone who appreciates funny sexual situations, and "madagascar" which was half decent, but shouldve just been about the penguins and the giraffe. nobody else.
and thats that, i think.
-fin-