don't waste your time reading this. seriously.
This month has just been all sorts of SHITTY. Way to start out the New Year Liz.
I'm so tired of things not working out for me. I feel like everything in my life is just manifesting into this massive 10+ car accident. CRASH. Seriously...it's bad enough that I have the winter blues but on top of that all of this shit keeps happening. I know these things are really not a big deal when they happen separately, but when it all happens together I just can't HANDLE it. My sarcasm has reached an all time high. My optimism has reached an all time low. I am starting to honestly believe that I am cursed with endless amounts of bad luck and that I will never be happy for an extended amount of time.
Yesterday I had another "mini-meltdown" of many and eventually they will all form a gelatinous blob of a MAJOR MELTDOWN. When that happens, it wont be good. I'm just trying to plow through this semester and the one class I have to take over the summer before it happens. I can't afford to fuck things up because of a meltdown. I can't afford to fuck things up *.period.*
Do you like how I made that all fancy? I do.
The most HEARTwrenching problem that I have right now is of course a boy issue. It wasn't even an issue until Tuesday, but of course since EVERYTHING has been going wrong for me since the beginning of last week why not this too.
Gee, I thought everything was great and happy and I was at the beginning of something important and that things were looking up in the relationship department. FINALLY I met someone worth my time that appreciated spending time with me. This is the kind of guy you don't meet...EVER. So yeah basically this other girl pops back into the picture and I am now in a competition that I was not expecting to be in and there is absolutely NOTHING I can do at this point to win. All I could do was tell him how I feel and back off, which I did. He appreciated my understanding. As much as I want to be angry with him and think he is an asshole I just CANT because hes not... he told me the truth and he was genuinely sorry and trying to do the right thing and I am so used to being blown off that it made me like him even more which sucks a big donkey's nut because its SO MUCH EASIER to just hate someone and blame them instead of just thinking oh, shit happens...its out of my control. I ALWAYS have to be in control. But I didn't do anything wrong. I am trying to be mature and rational and put myself in his shoes and this other girl's shoes. I did what I could do. All I have to do is sit here and wait for him to tell me he didnt pick me and until I get that closure all I am going to do is sit and think about it and wallow in the fact that I probably wont find anyone else that I can stand to be around for more than 10 minutes after copulation.
So much for getting laid on my birthday this year.
So I'm being a pessimist, so WHAT. You know, if things actually work out I will be most pleasantly suprised. If I expect the worst that is all that could happen. Or I suppose something WORSE could happen. Hey maybe I'll get a nice STD-esque parting gift.
Just kidding.
I just wish wish wish this one thing would just work out in my favor. I wish the gods would take pity on me instead of pointing and laughing. I feel like I am part of some huge ironic joke or part of the plot of an episode of Seinfeld. I feel like life put a massive crowd of people in front of me and the only way to go anywhere is to just plow through them. The catch though, is that the people are all huge, fat, hairy sweaty men with no shirts wearing cement shoes and holding hands so the struggle to get through them is not only difficult, not only smelly, not only GROSS, but just a really big fucking SUCK festival.
I don't make any sense. I'm going to work.
P.S. I broke my computer. Well, actually my fist broke it. Long story. Anyway, I wont be on very regularly for awhile so if you want to get ahold of me, send an email to echarles@buffalo.edu and I'll give you my number or something. That is if my cell phone still works since I dropped it in the snow yesterday and it sat there until my neighbor found it...
I'm so tired of things not working out for me. I feel like everything in my life is just manifesting into this massive 10+ car accident. CRASH. Seriously...it's bad enough that I have the winter blues but on top of that all of this shit keeps happening. I know these things are really not a big deal when they happen separately, but when it all happens together I just can't HANDLE it. My sarcasm has reached an all time high. My optimism has reached an all time low. I am starting to honestly believe that I am cursed with endless amounts of bad luck and that I will never be happy for an extended amount of time.
Yesterday I had another "mini-meltdown" of many and eventually they will all form a gelatinous blob of a MAJOR MELTDOWN. When that happens, it wont be good. I'm just trying to plow through this semester and the one class I have to take over the summer before it happens. I can't afford to fuck things up because of a meltdown. I can't afford to fuck things up *.period.*
Do you like how I made that all fancy? I do.
The most HEARTwrenching problem that I have right now is of course a boy issue. It wasn't even an issue until Tuesday, but of course since EVERYTHING has been going wrong for me since the beginning of last week why not this too.
Gee, I thought everything was great and happy and I was at the beginning of something important and that things were looking up in the relationship department. FINALLY I met someone worth my time that appreciated spending time with me. This is the kind of guy you don't meet...EVER. So yeah basically this other girl pops back into the picture and I am now in a competition that I was not expecting to be in and there is absolutely NOTHING I can do at this point to win. All I could do was tell him how I feel and back off, which I did. He appreciated my understanding. As much as I want to be angry with him and think he is an asshole I just CANT because hes not... he told me the truth and he was genuinely sorry and trying to do the right thing and I am so used to being blown off that it made me like him even more which sucks a big donkey's nut because its SO MUCH EASIER to just hate someone and blame them instead of just thinking oh, shit happens...its out of my control. I ALWAYS have to be in control. But I didn't do anything wrong. I am trying to be mature and rational and put myself in his shoes and this other girl's shoes. I did what I could do. All I have to do is sit here and wait for him to tell me he didnt pick me and until I get that closure all I am going to do is sit and think about it and wallow in the fact that I probably wont find anyone else that I can stand to be around for more than 10 minutes after copulation.
So much for getting laid on my birthday this year.
So I'm being a pessimist, so WHAT. You know, if things actually work out I will be most pleasantly suprised. If I expect the worst that is all that could happen. Or I suppose something WORSE could happen. Hey maybe I'll get a nice STD-esque parting gift.
Just kidding.
I just wish wish wish this one thing would just work out in my favor. I wish the gods would take pity on me instead of pointing and laughing. I feel like I am part of some huge ironic joke or part of the plot of an episode of Seinfeld. I feel like life put a massive crowd of people in front of me and the only way to go anywhere is to just plow through them. The catch though, is that the people are all huge, fat, hairy sweaty men with no shirts wearing cement shoes and holding hands so the struggle to get through them is not only difficult, not only smelly, not only GROSS, but just a really big fucking SUCK festival.
I don't make any sense. I'm going to work.
P.S. I broke my computer. Well, actually my fist broke it. Long story. Anyway, I wont be on very regularly for awhile so if you want to get ahold of me, send an email to echarles@buffalo.edu and I'll give you my number or something. That is if my cell phone still works since I dropped it in the snow yesterday and it sat there until my neighbor found it...