The Vulture(1967)
Oh man. Where do I begin with this one? How bizzare that I follow up my Jack Pierce tribute with a film boasting what is easily one of the shoddiest monsters of all time.
As far-out and disgusting as stuff like the recent and much-discussed The Human Centipede sounds, it’s still not as stylistically insane as what I’m reviewing right now. THC just the typical “Mad doctor experiments on people stranded at his home” concept you used to see all the time in the ‘30s and ‘40s, and even in the 50’s if you consider my new fave The Black Sleep, only given a new torture-porn twist. (Yes, I hate the word “Torture Porn” myself, I just can’t think of any other way to describe it).
My point is that it all gels together stylistically. That can’t be said for 1967’s The Vulture. This may be the most ludicrous, scatter-brained, fucked-up splicing of genres since Plan 9 from Outer Space. It’s one part horror story with a cursed family and revenge-from-beyond-the-grave sworn by a dying man, it’s another part Agatha Christie whodunnit, another part weird mystery, another part rural menace blended with Hammer horror elements and another part science fiction, all topped off with one of the most pathetic monsters you will ever see(or rather, won’t see). If you thought the titular avian menace of The Giant Claw was silly, well….
Let’s sink our talons into The Vulture and see, why don’t we? Oh, and not that the mystery in the film isn’t one you won’t have figured out before the first half-hour is over, but I must warn that the only way to appreciate the nuttiness of this film is to describe it in full detail, so spoilers abound.
It was a dark and stormy night, and some woman was coming home on a bus and generally being a bitch, berating the bus driver for his superstitious beliefs. The driver tells the woman the best route home, but instead she chooses to cut across through the local churchyard. Gee, how much do you want to bet that she’s soon going to have an encounter with something that will make her a believer in the supernatural?
She’s not even halfway though the cemetery, and suddenly, one of the graves starts rumbling, something inside of it is digging itself out! She starts to scream, there’s the loud fluttering of wings and a maniacal laugh! The thunder rolls, the scene fades…
What a great, if predictable(since when has someone who doubts the supernatural in a horror movie not ended up encountering it?) opening! How much do you wanna bet nothing else in the film lives up to it?
Being set in a small town in Cornwall(EGAD! That’s where I was conceived in before being delivered in the US!), small news like a grave being broken into of course makes the front page and everyone for miles around hears about it, with the woman we met in the opening being found (guess, just guess) raving mad with her hair turned white. Several gold coins were also found nearby. Oh, and this definitely is not Cornwall from the looks of it.
It's aboot time yew realized that buddy! This movie was filmed in Canada.
Meanwhile, at stately Wayne Stroud manor, local squire Brian Stroud(Broderick Crawford, yes, I’m dead serious, that's him playing a british nobleman, and he looks like he’d rather be anywhere else) is talking with his cute niece Trudy, whom he describes the incident too. He’s also visited by the police, who wonder if he may know something, considering the identity of the man whose grave was disturbed. Trudy listens eagerly. It seems that once upon a time, evil nobleman Francis Real(pronounced ray-all) was buried alive for practicing witchcraft by Stroud’s ancestors, and that he promised with his dying breath(guess, just guess) to someday have his revenge on Stroud’s descendants. He was eventually dug up and buried in a separate churchyard because the villagers didn’t want him infecting good christian soil, so they threw his pet vulture into the spare coffin and buried it along with his treasure.
So far, this sounds like a pretty straightforward horror film doesn’t it? Get ready to have all hopes of this film being at least somewhat stylistically cohesive dashed to pieces. Trudy mentions that her American husband, Eric Lewton, would be thrilled to hear about this as this is just the kind of thing he’s interested in due to his profession.
Hmmm, grave robbery, witchcraft, curses, ancient family history. What do you think Eric’s occupation is so that at least just one of these things would interest him?
A) Historian.
B) Detective.
C) Occult investigator.
D) Horror story writer.
E) Theologian.
F) Ghost Hunter.
"Geeze", you must be saying, "all of those sound like perfect occupations for a man interested in such things, it could be any one of them".
Well if you think it’s any of them, I think you give this movie way too much credit!
It turns out that yes, Eric(Robert Hutton) IS fascinated in those things, and also willing to solve the case as soon as he hears about it! And here’s what his occupation is:
He’s one of America’s leading nuclear physicists.
Jesus. Christ.
Yeah, ancient family curses, wizardry, grave robbery and scattered gold coins. Just the stuff those nuclear physicists are into these days, yes sir.
So our hero sets off to investigate, and along the way runs into a character whose name I forgot but for whom I’ve made a name for. I call him Red Herring. He…uh…mysteriously shows up to…do stuff and look menacing while talking only intermittently and speaks like he's doing a bad imitation of Donald Pleasence. Oooh, and he has creepy white hair too. He’s gotta be the villain, right?
Sorry pal, we know you aren't who we're looking for.
While out on the beach (I’ve visited Cornwall twice, this definitely is not it, supposedly, much of the film was shot in Canada) with Trudy, Eric discovers a bloody and dismembered lamb leg, what animal could have done this? Oh, several probably, but Eric immediately connects it to the opened grave. He also finds a feather on a moor, along with several of the coins. Now, this is the point where I’d put two and two together, but not Eric. He does come to a conclusion, and not, as any logical person would, that the thief has been through here, but that the grave disturbance and the dead lamb are connected in some way! Guess what conclusion he comes to next?
Well, he doesn’t, he decides to send the feather in for analysis, but along the way meets up with a friend of Brian’s, an antiquarian named Professor Koerniglich(Akim Tamiroff). Koerniglich, who hobbles around with two canes and always wears a heavy black cloak(Hmmm…). Koerniglich is contacted because his name is supposedly a translation of Real’s. He denies having any connection, and continually behaves charmingly, politely and grandfatherly. He's just a kindly little old man whose friends are books. Ah, how sweet. He totally must be telling the truth. He couldn't possibly be the villain.
Returning home, Eric then tells Stroud that if he wants to live to close all the windows in the house. Stroud objects to this because he has a heart condition, and then Eric tells him why, not only in one of the most ham-handed uses of exposition ever, but also one that proceeds to turn this film into an episode of South Park.
"Yeah I want cheesey poofs"
Those who watch the show will remember the many episodes which are used to reinforce the character of Eric(Goddamn! They even have the same name!) Cartman’s reputation as a jackass and anti-role model. In some of them, a recurring joke is that he will make up something unbelievably stupid that he himself doesn’t usually believe it(Scuzzlebutt the Patrick Duffy monster, Jew Gold, putting food up your ass will make you poop out your mouth etc.), and then it turns out to be true to the letter. The Simpsons and Seinfeld have occasionally used this as a comedy device as well. I call this plot device the “Eric Cartman Speech” but now I’m seriously considering renaming it the “Eric Lewton Speech”, as the ludicrously clever physicist gives his explanation of what happened:
A scientist experimenting with nuclear energy has attempted to teleport himself into the coffin of Real to obtain the gold buried with him, but teleported instead into the coffin where Real’s pet vulture was buried and had his atoms scrambled with it, turning him into a half-human, half-vulture hybrid, and the gold coins which got scattered on the moor where there are no footprints are proof of this, because the creature dropped them while flying. This could only have been done through science. Magic? Come on, that would just be silly. The creature is currently on the prowl and will likely visit the Stroud's very shortly, as it is on a mission of revenge.
Yes.
And again, this all (depressingly) turns out to be correct in the end, right down to the slightest fucking detail.
Later one night, Stroud hears a noise as of someone gently rapping, right outside his chamber door, outside his balcony window, it gets louder, noisier! It must be the man-vulture! Stroud gets ready to defend himself…
Oh, it’s just his estranged brother. The brother likes to sneak in through windows on what is apparently a several-story mansion. It’s just a funny habit of his. Ha Ho. Cute isn't it?
Stroud later goes out to the balcony, nice and relaxed, and then gets picked up and carried off by what appears to be Foghorn Leghorn. Seriously, that’s what the feet resemble. There’s that fluttering of wings again!
Eric then gives chase, and specifically says to hurry, as it will be getting dark soon. This would be good advice, if not for the fact that the previous scenes took place at what was apparently midnight! What the Hell movie? Did Ed Wood teach whoever directed this how to edit?
This, as well as confirmation from the ornithologist and the woman found at the grave who is now in the hospital, seems to assure him that the creature is real. He also comes to determine that it lives in a cave above the beach. So Eric does the first sensible thing in the film, he sends Trudy away, knowing she will probably be the Vulture’s next target. He reserves a room for her and makes sure that she also gets reservations for the local theatre the same night before she leaves(and we need to know this….why?).
Pretty soon, Trudy’s window-crawling uncle also gets offed and Eric decides that the only way to discover the vulture’s identity is to find out who has been using vast amounts of electricity, because it clearly is being used to power his experiments. It turns out that no one has, but Professor Koerniglich, however, has had all electricity turned off and had a power plant installed(???). So yes, kindly Professor Koerniglich is the Vulture! Eric stupidly goes to tell Trudy.
Non-mad scientists don't have labs like this.
Trudy(who had been disturbed hours earlier by a phone call during the theatre presentation), goes back home when she learns of her uncle’s death. Unable to find Eric because he’s out looking for her, she goes to see Koerniglich, who sets her up to get kidnapped by himself does his best to help, and tells her the only way to get back home is to wait at the bus stop. While she heads outside, Koerniglich enters his lab...
Pretty soon Trudy finds herself swept off her feet.
Eric arrives and heads for the cave, can our hero rescue her from the evil man-vulture? What will the thrilling conclusion be as…
No, Eric just shoots Koerniglich dead. Problem solved. Sick and tired of people complaining about how heroes never just shoot the villains in movies? Show them this movie, and they’ll never complain again.
If only Spiderman had thought to use this when fighting his man-vulture villain...
Eric then disposes of the body out at sea with an anchor, in a long and tedious sequence which serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever.
Logic dictates that he did this out of either pity for Koerniglich, who he respected before learning he was the vulture, or to save himself a murder charge. But he then states out loud that he confessed everything to the police(who have, at this point, dismissed everything he’s said vehemently) and that they’re bound to believe him from finding the lab. Huh? I guess so, but then he announces that he will do his best to prove the existence of the creature for science. Then why the hell did he just waste a full six minutes of screen-time methodically disposing of the body at sea and thus make it immeasurably harder for him to ever find it again? Maybe he just likes scuba-diving. Probably another hobby popular among all the hip young nuclear scientists.
Oh, but does it end there? No. We then get a scene with Eric & Trudy aboard a cruise ship, where he confesses to her that no, he wasn’t the person who called her on the telephone that night when she was at the theatre. She knows. Uhhh…so who did? Koerniglich? Why does it matter? We already found out he was the villain anyway. And why does Eric tell her this in the same tones you would usually use if you were confessing to adultery or something? Why is this even being given any screen time? What the hell does it have to do with--?
The movie then ends as they kiss.
Good. God. From the scenes switching from night and day, the completely pointless ending scene and theatre caller subplot, the ludicrous amount of screen time spent building up the red herring, the absolute stupidity of the plot, the fact that Eric just happens to know everything down to the last detail even before he learns the facts, the silly coincidence that Koerniglich would merge with the bird that was supposed to take vengeance on the Stroud family, and that he resembles a vulture-god. What the hell is wrong with this movie?
Then there are the plot holes. How did Eric guess any of this? Why does the red herring threaten the woman in the hospital if he has no connection to Koerniglich? Whose skeleton is it in the lab? Why does Koerniglich start killing the Strouds? Clearly all he wanted was money and had no intention of avenging his ancestor, so why go on a killing spree? Was it because he blamed the family for the mix-up which caused him to become half-vulture? Clearly he could reverse the process, in fact, considering that we see him entering the lab, apparently to make the transformation, it seems he already has mastered the art of switching back to human form, so why blame the Strouds for his obviously temporary transformation? And to top it off, he clearly enjoys it. This makes the murders completely pointless. How did merging with a dead vulture turn him into one, wouldn't it kill him? Does this mean he's part zombie as well as part vulture? Why did he kill the lamb? To test his powers? But how did he eat it? He still has a completely human head. DCan he or can he not control himself in vulture form? If so, how is he intelligent enough to change back and forth and make decisions? What was the point of the vulture-god subplot? Why does Eric just assume that the monster somehow isn’t supernaturally related if he supposedly has an interest in such things? Why do the police cooperate with him even though they think he’s unhinged, with good evidence that he may even be the killer himself? How come he doesn’t assume that even if there are scientific means at work, that the vulture possibly wasn’t a pet or creation of a mad scientist? Like, maybe Koerniglich had used radiation to bring the bird back to life and mind-controlled it? Or maybe the creature was just an abnormally-big vulture trained to kill, like in that movie The Devil Bat? And if he assumes the man-merged-with-vulture theory, why assume that it would involve just one man and that maybe the vulture was the mad scientist's lackey? Why does he even assume the scientist intended to cause harm at all? Why doesn’t he assume that maybe the vulture’s instincts simply overtook him?
All I know is that I wished I had been in the room when they pitched this movie. “It’s The Fly meets Hound of the Baskervilles meets The Devil Bat, meets House of Usher with overtones of The Giant Claw! It can’t miss!”. How a film like this could get pitched, let alone made, is beyond me. Equally perplexing is how they got even down on their luck former A-listers like Hutton, Crawford & Tamiroff to be in this. Hutton alternates between being bored and overracting ludicrously. Crawford does an okay job, but he’s probably the most unconvincing English nobleman I’ve ever seen. Tamiroff comes off best of the three. His character is obviously the villain, but his affable, deceptively good-natured and cuddly portrayal is marvelously understated, he would be a great “above suspicion” character in a better crafted film. About the best thing regarding him in vulture-guise that can be said is that thankfully much of the creature is kept hidden, because what we do see is easily one of the lamest monsters of all time. You wonder if they got the idea from Peter Lorre’s similar costume in The Raven, though the costume in that film was meant to be funny.
The Vulture isn’t the worst horror/sci-fi film ever made by a long shot, but other than a “Must be seen to be believed” quality that all plot descriptions have that make you want to see it, even the most critical, it’s one of the most tedious affairs you’ll ever witness just for some unintentional chuckles. About the only way this could have worked is if the film was similarly as over-the-top as it’s concept, and not played as a deadly serious gothic horror/mystery. I can however, safely recommend the film as a must-see for bad movie buffs.
On an interesting side note, the film was released on a double bill with the underrated mad scientist/killer bee film The Deadly Bees, a little gem from Amicus studios whose only real fault is a silly whodunnit subplot similar to Vulture’s along with some shoddy but not terrible special effects. I always felt that Bees was underrated(it was on that wretched Mystery Science Theatre 3000 program) and fun. For anyone who also likes that film, whenever you need to defend it, pull out a copy of The Vulture for comparison and show it to whoever is bashing Bees. It’ll shut ‘em right up.
Hate to make this pun, but this one’s for the birds.
Koerniglich, keeping it (Francis) Real. Oh, and yes, these are the only images I can find online of him in this role.