Feeling the need
This is what I wanted for so long right?
To have some feelings for some one else
THEN WHY IS IT SO FRUSTRATING?
Why do I beg and plead for the wrong type of attention?
And when there is SOMEONE decent I shunn them like they are pork and I am a jew
Only because I am not use to being this
really cared about
I am use to being a GMM bitch
and having no one care about me
that is what is conflicting in this situation
I have the poor boy whipped already
but he is trying to give me ultimatums
and it is less than a week old relationship
I dont like ultimatums
I always fuck up when I am given them
Well, my mom knows about the other baby(s) now
I really try not to think about it
It is quite heart breaking
but I bleed with my secrets
and they are what eventually will kill me
I am sick of lying to every one so that I can try to become happy
in relationships that I know will not make me happy
and for what reasons do I do this?
So that I can spare the next the pain of seeing me how I really am
this horrid creature that I have become
with 6 years of Gmm help
No it is not ALL thier fault
but I can only imagine where I would be if I never got caught up with those people
I want to try to make this relationship with Josh work
but I dont think it is dsyfunctional enough for me
so I am getting taken out of my comfort zone (which realistically is a good thing) and I am getting put into a situation that is far too different for me
He is talking about the future like he knows there is one
I think he is a fool
but he is mad about me
and that is what counts
I think
To have some feelings for some one else
THEN WHY IS IT SO FRUSTRATING?
Why do I beg and plead for the wrong type of attention?
And when there is SOMEONE decent I shunn them like they are pork and I am a jew
Only because I am not use to being this
really cared about
I am use to being a GMM bitch
and having no one care about me
that is what is conflicting in this situation
I have the poor boy whipped already
but he is trying to give me ultimatums
and it is less than a week old relationship
I dont like ultimatums
I always fuck up when I am given them
Well, my mom knows about the other baby(s) now
I really try not to think about it
It is quite heart breaking
but I bleed with my secrets
and they are what eventually will kill me
I am sick of lying to every one so that I can try to become happy
in relationships that I know will not make me happy
and for what reasons do I do this?
So that I can spare the next the pain of seeing me how I really am
this horrid creature that I have become
with 6 years of Gmm help
No it is not ALL thier fault
but I can only imagine where I would be if I never got caught up with those people
I want to try to make this relationship with Josh work
but I dont think it is dsyfunctional enough for me
so I am getting taken out of my comfort zone (which realistically is a good thing) and I am getting put into a situation that is far too different for me
He is talking about the future like he knows there is one
I think he is a fool
but he is mad about me
and that is what counts
I think