Walking After Midnight, chapter 9
Title: Walking After Midnight, chapter 9
Rating: PG-13/T
Spoilers: Up to the season 3 finale.
Disclaimer: I don't own Lost or the characters thereof. I'm just borrowing.
Summary: Kate/Sawyer, back on the beach, immediately following the finale.
AN: This is technically the last chapter. There is an epilogue already written, though.
chapter 8
Juliet doesn't seem surprised to see Kate at the door of her tent several days later. She gives her a half smile, that eternally calm demeanor, and Kate wants to reach down and wipe what she perceives to be a self-satisfied smirk right off the blond woman's face.
“Kate. How are you feeling?”
She ignores the question, taking a furtive glance over her shoulder before stepping fully into the tent, letting the flap close behind her. “I need you to do something for me.” She holds the other woman's gaze steadily, though inside she feels anything but.
Juliet tips her head, studying Kate's expression. “I already told you, I'll do everything I can. I meant that.”
“No.” She shakes her head. “You can fix this.”
“Kate, what are you--”
“You know what I mean.”
-----
She sits, cross-legged in front of Juliet. A silent battle of wills. They haven't spoken in what is probably only a few minutes, but what seems like hours.
It's Juliet who breaks the silence. “I'm not that kind of doctor.”
“What kind of doctor are you, then?” Kate snaps, steadying her trembling hands in her lap. “You help women. Pregnant women. You are that kind of doctor.”
“There are risks--”
She laughs, a short, ugly sound. “Risks? The alternative is me dying, Juliet. I'd say that's a pretty goddamned big risk.”
“And I said--”
“You said you were closer to something that would help. Not there.” She cuts the other woman off again. “I will not...” She looks away, up at a slit in the tarp where she can see the night sky, composing herself. “I will not. Be. A fucking experiment.”
Juliet is silent again; Kate can see her wavering. She softens her tone slightly. “Even if you're...right. Even if you can do something...It doesn't matter.” She looks away again, the gun she'd taken from a sleeping Sawyer pressing uncomfortably into the small of her back. “Your...people. You had files on all of us. You know that even if we get off this island, I'm not rescued. I'm going to jail. You know that.” Her eyes dare Juliet to protest. “Please.”
-----
Once again, they're walking, silently, to the medical station. They're not far from the beach when Juliet speaks. “We should bring Jack.”
“No.” Kate reaches behind her, fingers the gun. Just in case. “No one knows. No one will know.”
“He's a surgeon. He could--”
“No.” She grasps the other woman's arm, twisting it painfully. “Have you done this before?”
Juliet looks away, struggling to get her arm free. “Kate...”
“Have you?”
“Yes.”
She drops her arm and nods. “Okay. Let's keep going.”
-----
Juliet is washing her hands as Kate gets up onto the table, shivering at the cold metal against her bare legs. She folds her discarded jeans almost meticulously, smoothing out wrinkles with her palm, and sets the garment on the counter, gun on top of the faded fabric.
The weapon doesn't escape the doctor's gaze and she meets Kate's eyes, questioning. Kate gives a small shrug, a quiet laugh that doesn't reach her eyes. “Power of persuasion.”
The blond woman nods as if she's not surprised, and goes back to preparing her instruments.
Kate can't watch. She studies the ceiling instead.
“Are you ready?”
No. “Yeah. Ready.”
-----
She thought she'd prepared herself, mentally, for the pain, but soon finds that this is nothing you prepare yourself for. She hears nothing of Juliet's calm, soothing voice throughout the procedure, hears only the instruments, feels them inside of her.
She says his name once, then bites down on her lip hard enough that she tastes blood. Eyes squeezed shut, she can't stop the images that come to her, swirling in on the pain that she can't quite tell is physical or not, a heady parade of memories. Wayne's hand encircling her arm. You're beautiful. The smell of gasoline and flames as she rides away from him, from her nothing good. Sam. Goodbye, Daddy. Diane. You can't help who you love. Her mother in the hospital, screaming for help, to be saved from her monster of a daughter. Tom. Oh, Tom. Dying to save her. The crash. Fear and pain. Stitching Jack up. Jack. He loves her. Sawyer. Sawyer. Screaming to save him. I love him! If only he knew what happens to those she loves. Hey, Freckles. You movin' in? Sawyer...
Then Juliet is wiping her brow and offering her a bottle of water and telling her to not sit up yet, just rest. And while she can still feel the pain at least nothing metal is inside of her anymore and she does as she's told.
“You did well. Everything looks good...You did just fine, Kate.”
She nods and watches as Juliet moves quietly around the sterile room, cleaning up.
“Are you in any pain?”
Kate almost manages a smile at that. “I'll live.” Literally. “Thank you.”
Juliet lifts her head to look at her, and for the first time Kate notices the deep sadness in the other woman's eyes. A single nod. “You're welcome.”
-----
Juliet makes her stay at the medical station for a day, so when they finally return to the beach, Kate can tell Sawyer's been worried. She gives a lame excuse for her disappearance, one that's just plausible enough for him not to believe. When she produces his gun from under her waistband he gets angry and she eggs him on, goading him until she gets what she wants. Or needs; she doesn't know the difference anymore.
“Get out! Just take your things and get!”
She does.
As she's walking away, she can still hear him muttering angrily, and she's glad when it starts raining, so she can cry without being found out.
epilogue
Rating: PG-13/T
Spoilers: Up to the season 3 finale.
Disclaimer: I don't own Lost or the characters thereof. I'm just borrowing.
Summary: Kate/Sawyer, back on the beach, immediately following the finale.
AN: This is technically the last chapter. There is an epilogue already written, though.
chapter 8
Juliet doesn't seem surprised to see Kate at the door of her tent several days later. She gives her a half smile, that eternally calm demeanor, and Kate wants to reach down and wipe what she perceives to be a self-satisfied smirk right off the blond woman's face.
“Kate. How are you feeling?”
She ignores the question, taking a furtive glance over her shoulder before stepping fully into the tent, letting the flap close behind her. “I need you to do something for me.” She holds the other woman's gaze steadily, though inside she feels anything but.
Juliet tips her head, studying Kate's expression. “I already told you, I'll do everything I can. I meant that.”
“No.” She shakes her head. “You can fix this.”
“Kate, what are you--”
“You know what I mean.”
-----
She sits, cross-legged in front of Juliet. A silent battle of wills. They haven't spoken in what is probably only a few minutes, but what seems like hours.
It's Juliet who breaks the silence. “I'm not that kind of doctor.”
“What kind of doctor are you, then?” Kate snaps, steadying her trembling hands in her lap. “You help women. Pregnant women. You are that kind of doctor.”
“There are risks--”
She laughs, a short, ugly sound. “Risks? The alternative is me dying, Juliet. I'd say that's a pretty goddamned big risk.”
“And I said--”
“You said you were closer to something that would help. Not there.” She cuts the other woman off again. “I will not...” She looks away, up at a slit in the tarp where she can see the night sky, composing herself. “I will not. Be. A fucking experiment.”
Juliet is silent again; Kate can see her wavering. She softens her tone slightly. “Even if you're...right. Even if you can do something...It doesn't matter.” She looks away again, the gun she'd taken from a sleeping Sawyer pressing uncomfortably into the small of her back. “Your...people. You had files on all of us. You know that even if we get off this island, I'm not rescued. I'm going to jail. You know that.” Her eyes dare Juliet to protest. “Please.”
-----
Once again, they're walking, silently, to the medical station. They're not far from the beach when Juliet speaks. “We should bring Jack.”
“No.” Kate reaches behind her, fingers the gun. Just in case. “No one knows. No one will know.”
“He's a surgeon. He could--”
“No.” She grasps the other woman's arm, twisting it painfully. “Have you done this before?”
Juliet looks away, struggling to get her arm free. “Kate...”
“Have you?”
“Yes.”
She drops her arm and nods. “Okay. Let's keep going.”
-----
Juliet is washing her hands as Kate gets up onto the table, shivering at the cold metal against her bare legs. She folds her discarded jeans almost meticulously, smoothing out wrinkles with her palm, and sets the garment on the counter, gun on top of the faded fabric.
The weapon doesn't escape the doctor's gaze and she meets Kate's eyes, questioning. Kate gives a small shrug, a quiet laugh that doesn't reach her eyes. “Power of persuasion.”
The blond woman nods as if she's not surprised, and goes back to preparing her instruments.
Kate can't watch. She studies the ceiling instead.
“Are you ready?”
No. “Yeah. Ready.”
-----
She thought she'd prepared herself, mentally, for the pain, but soon finds that this is nothing you prepare yourself for. She hears nothing of Juliet's calm, soothing voice throughout the procedure, hears only the instruments, feels them inside of her.
She says his name once, then bites down on her lip hard enough that she tastes blood. Eyes squeezed shut, she can't stop the images that come to her, swirling in on the pain that she can't quite tell is physical or not, a heady parade of memories. Wayne's hand encircling her arm. You're beautiful. The smell of gasoline and flames as she rides away from him, from her nothing good. Sam. Goodbye, Daddy. Diane. You can't help who you love. Her mother in the hospital, screaming for help, to be saved from her monster of a daughter. Tom. Oh, Tom. Dying to save her. The crash. Fear and pain. Stitching Jack up. Jack. He loves her. Sawyer. Sawyer. Screaming to save him. I love him! If only he knew what happens to those she loves. Hey, Freckles. You movin' in? Sawyer...
Then Juliet is wiping her brow and offering her a bottle of water and telling her to not sit up yet, just rest. And while she can still feel the pain at least nothing metal is inside of her anymore and she does as she's told.
“You did well. Everything looks good...You did just fine, Kate.”
She nods and watches as Juliet moves quietly around the sterile room, cleaning up.
“Are you in any pain?”
Kate almost manages a smile at that. “I'll live.” Literally. “Thank you.”
Juliet lifts her head to look at her, and for the first time Kate notices the deep sadness in the other woman's eyes. A single nod. “You're welcome.”
-----
Juliet makes her stay at the medical station for a day, so when they finally return to the beach, Kate can tell Sawyer's been worried. She gives a lame excuse for her disappearance, one that's just plausible enough for him not to believe. When she produces his gun from under her waistband he gets angry and she eggs him on, goading him until she gets what she wants. Or needs; she doesn't know the difference anymore.
“Get out! Just take your things and get!”
She does.
As she's walking away, she can still hear him muttering angrily, and she's glad when it starts raining, so she can cry without being found out.
epilogue