can't sleep b/c
so i'm practicly sufficating myself in my pillow trying to get to sleep but i can't. this summer keeps flashing infront of my eyes. i made so many mistakes and they're haunting me and taunting me. i was thinking back about this summer and i keep seeing myself in the begining of the summer and i was happy, a man of god and blamless. i wanted to do my best with everything i did. i couldn't of been happier. infact i remember thinking to myself that i wished that a car would hit me and kill me b/c i knew that if i died i would go to heaven lol :). but then step by step i was messing up more and more. i got involved in something i didn't even want to get involved in and i knew was trouble, i betrayed friends and lied to people, i let my personal life affect my counciling, i led some people on, i made false pacts, i neglected people and turned on others, and the thing that really gets to me, the thing that a month ago made me want to run away by ending it all is that i can never say sorry enough to the people that i did these things to. by the end of the summer i had completely changed from the person i was in the begining of the summer. i had turned into a monster and i knew it. lets say god is to my east and satin is to my north. in the begining i was heading east and then over the summer i slowly turned north by the end of the summer. a month ago i was going 100 mph north and now i'm trying to make a hard right east. its going to be freaking hard. so, this week i'm going to be fasting. nothin for me but water and beverage lol. i'm glad i got a good 9/10 of whats bugging me off my chest. i'm going to try and go to sleep. night
Jaxon
Jaxon