(no subject)
I just started bawling and thinking about wanting to die because I couldn't put on my sock right away.
the last couple of days have been hell because my money is late and my meds have run out so now the more ugly symptoms of my depression have surfaced again. I wouldn't have thought such a drastic change could occur in such a short time but apparently my condition has worsened significantly.
my not having any money means that I can't get alcohol (or food) either so all my coping options are gone.
ever since the medication hasn't been in my system anymore,thoughts about my mother have taken its place.
about how un-graspable it is that she's dead.
about how it's impossible to turn back time.
about the things I've done, and more painfully, the things I didn't do since she died.
about how I failed her. so spectacularly that it boggles my own mind. I think the fact that I can't comprehend the scope of it is probably the only reason that I'm not making actual suicide plans. yet.
the last couple of days have been hell because my money is late and my meds have run out so now the more ugly symptoms of my depression have surfaced again. I wouldn't have thought such a drastic change could occur in such a short time but apparently my condition has worsened significantly.
my not having any money means that I can't get alcohol (or food) either so all my coping options are gone.
ever since the medication hasn't been in my system anymore,thoughts about my mother have taken its place.
about how un-graspable it is that she's dead.
about how it's impossible to turn back time.
about the things I've done, and more painfully, the things I didn't do since she died.
about how I failed her. so spectacularly that it boggles my own mind. I think the fact that I can't comprehend the scope of it is probably the only reason that I'm not making actual suicide plans. yet.