Comments | abortionstories: What can I do?

mycandygirl in abortionstories

What can I do?

Jan 24, 2005 15:10

I have a friend (honestly my friend) who found out Saturday that she is pregnant. She has 2 girls, ages 5 and 3. With both of her girls she almost died in labor and she has scheduled an abortion for Friday. She is distraught about this decision and is already feeling guilty. My question is this: what can I do for her? How can I help her feel ( Read more... )

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eyelid January 24 2005, 22:05:47 UTC

Cailin is right - you can just be there for her. There are support groups here on LJ (afterabortion, abortionstories, abortionhelp), or you can try www.afterabortion.com.

But if your friend is feeling so very badly about it, maybe she shouldn't have one. If labor is dangerous for her she could legitimately ask for a preemptive c-section so that she doesn't have to labor.

I am totally pro-choice and I have no problem with abortion (I had one myself and feel no guilt or regret about it). But it's not the right choice for everyone. Your friend might want to re-examine her decision if it's going to cause her emotional distress. Help her to be sure that this is what she really wants. The clearer she is on her decision, the less regret she will suffer, no matter what she decides.

mycandygirl January 24 2005, 22:53:21 UTC

Thank you for your advice and kind words. I think there is more to it than the labor. I know that pregnancy is hard on her body too as she is VERY thin, and during her last 2 pregnancies she actually got thinner (is that even a word?) She worked very hard to put herself over 100 lbs and so far during this pregnancy she's lost more weight. I don't mean to make excuses for her; I hate that she has to go through this, but I'm sure she has legitimate reasons and feels that this is her only option. Thanks again.

eyelid January 24 2005, 23:57:45 UTC

There's no need to "justify" your friend's decision to me! I had an abortion when I had no health problems of any kind, a supportive fiance, etc. I just knew it wasn't the right time for me. So as you can see I am not going to be ripping her up for her decision :)

My only thought is that she might hurry herself into a decision she doesn't really want, based on the idea that there's no alternative to labor. My only concern is your friend's emotional health. I don't want her to feel she HAS to have an abortion if that's not what she wants.

Frankly, if I were in her position I'd definitely be getting an abortion. Health issues and two kids to raise?? but she's not me. You know?

cailin_t January 24 2005, 22:53:40 UTC

yeah, you know, i didn't really think about that side of it, but eyelid is certainly right - many women come to this and other communities after an abortion they realize they really didn't want, and they are in a lot of emotional pain that perhaps could have been avoided if they thought their options through more in the beginning (before abortion, and realized that wasn't really what they wanted).

i mean, she still very well may want an abortion - i certainly wanted mine and think it was the "right" decision, though it was a very emotionally trying time for my husband and me. but it can't hurt to do some major critical thinking beforehand. good luck to her!

eyelid January 24 2005, 23:59:03 UTC

Well I remember you cancelled your first appointment and thought about it some more. And the second time you were much more certain of your decision. In the end, you decided abortion WAS right for you, but I think it helped you avoid regret, that you took that extra time to be sure.

cailin_t January 25 2005, 00:07:48 UTC

that's not quite true.. i'm clinically depressive, and as thus, cannot handle stress effectively (or, uh, at all). "stress" includes doing just about anything new and not in your normal routine (and hell, half the normal stuff you do every day is too much to handle sometimes).. when i left the clinic the first time, it was because i was overwhelmed and over-stressed. i had no doubts that i would come back and get an abortion; i had just been completely unsure what to expect, and now that i went through everything, though it was crazy and there was NO WAY i was going to be able to stay there that time, i knew i was going to come back/that i wanted an abortion. i was trying to convince the woman to keep my money cause i'd be back next week anyway, and the very sweet nurse that no matter how many "it's really quick! just c'mon, it'll be fine!"s she threw at me, it was NOT happening that day, but that i really, really would be back the next week. just because they all thought i was having doubts doesn't mean i was - i was just ( ... )

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