(no subject)
You know, I could never call anyone by an classically affectionate name. I could never call a girlfreind or wife or lover "darling" or "sweetie" or oney" or something like that. The closest I can come is a funny nickname, which probably wouldn't be that funny to my lady. I also get this strange feeling that I'll never fall in love. That's my fault, too. They only way I can think of to make myself more accessible to love would be to denounce what I stand for, which would consequently be denouncing who I am. Interesting. I think it's an endless cycle for me: why bother trying to meet girls if they won't be attracted to me anyway; since they don't show attraction, why should I try? Now I think MOST people would stop me here and say, "Dude, the guy is always supposed to initiate." Well yeah, but my logic is flawless: I'm not going to initiate because I know that they won't be interested. As you can see, I'm totally fucked.
Ok, that was supposed to be very sarcastic, even though it's mostly true. But I think I do have one chance. And this is actually being completely honest, I need to becomse a rockstar. Not a big one, just one that's in a band that plays shows a couple times a month locally. That may be my only chance. Well, maybe if I partied and drank and went out to meet people. That might work.
Why on earth I decided to write any of the above is beyond my comprehension. I don't know. Why anyone might read it is even more mind bottling. That's right, bottling. This isn't even a cry for help, because I think honestly, I'm helpless. And partially hopeless. But not entirely yet, so that's a good sign. I really don't like thinking about this kind of thing becuase I always draw the same conclusion: my mind tells itself, "listen, it's your fault d-bag. You have to not be stubborn and elitest and an asshole." So I'll try that for a few days, and eventually, through a series of running jokes that I just keep making more and more extreme, I'll just end up going right back to the same old me.
Well, at least my parents love me.
Ok, that was supposed to be very sarcastic, even though it's mostly true. But I think I do have one chance. And this is actually being completely honest, I need to becomse a rockstar. Not a big one, just one that's in a band that plays shows a couple times a month locally. That may be my only chance. Well, maybe if I partied and drank and went out to meet people. That might work.
Why on earth I decided to write any of the above is beyond my comprehension. I don't know. Why anyone might read it is even more mind bottling. That's right, bottling. This isn't even a cry for help, because I think honestly, I'm helpless. And partially hopeless. But not entirely yet, so that's a good sign. I really don't like thinking about this kind of thing becuase I always draw the same conclusion: my mind tells itself, "listen, it's your fault d-bag. You have to not be stubborn and elitest and an asshole." So I'll try that for a few days, and eventually, through a series of running jokes that I just keep making more and more extreme, I'll just end up going right back to the same old me.
Well, at least my parents love me.