(no subject)
It is 1:30. I have to work in the morning, and all day tomorrow. Yet, I sit here continuing to read and search myself. I can't sleep, I probably won't at all until tomorrow night. No matter how much is going perfect in my life I allow myself to overthink, overanalyze, and underlive situations. They happen so poorly in my mind that I become saddened at the advent of them. I hate not having control of situations. I can't control my mind, I can't control myself and I can't control my sanity. I allow other people to, I need to learn to love myself so badly. Maybe then I wouldn't bruise myself with overwhelming thought of my iniquities.
I want more than anything to be happy on or off of my pills. I've done so well for 5 weeks off of them, and then the last few days I've gone back to being the same old me. When I take them for a while, I begin to feel inadequate, and ashamed and beat myself up over it. My friend here Ford said that his dad had the same problem for years until he submitted and allowed himself to just take the pills everyday. Why is this so hard for me?
Sadly enough I know what needs to be done to help myself. I've heard so many people say so many things that will help. More than anything I just wish I didn't need to hear it so often.
I want more than anything to be happy on or off of my pills. I've done so well for 5 weeks off of them, and then the last few days I've gone back to being the same old me. When I take them for a while, I begin to feel inadequate, and ashamed and beat myself up over it. My friend here Ford said that his dad had the same problem for years until he submitted and allowed himself to just take the pills everyday. Why is this so hard for me?
Sadly enough I know what needs to be done to help myself. I've heard so many people say so many things that will help. More than anything I just wish I didn't need to hear it so often.