25
I've been unemployed for the past couple weeks. Having enough money to take care of things for a few more months is not spurring me into action as far as the job hunt is concerned. I needed a break, but when does break time end when there's no one to crack the whip? I don't know why I always feel like I need instructions, or some one to tell me what to do. I was catching up on some movies/tv shows I been wanting to see for ages and one of them is based in college which got me brooding. I wish I could have a do-over on that one. I'm sure it's the kind of thing most people think, and technically speaking I could go back to school. Heh there were sooooo many people who were on their second or third time in college when I was going.... never sunk in at the time, that was the time to decide what direction I wanted to put myself in. Instead I didn't steer. I followed the current and got through. I still wouldn't know what I wanted to do though and I am not yet prepared to accept that line of debt. So there isn't much point in entertaining the notion of going back to college. I hear of people my age beginning the career's they spend their life building, and here I sit building nothing. Starting nothing. Then I see my brother. Living day to day in a show up and you might make some money job (tattoo artist), dodging credit debt collectors and having a pretty miserable time of it. We have a lot in common, and I'm just a little terrified that I may be in that same situation in 11 years (that how much older he is)... heh we do have some polar differences, but it's eerie how alike we are in certain ways. I just hope this is one of the ways we differ. I am almost 25 and I have no clear goals for the future. And I can't figure out what to do with myself. I have so many friends who tell me how smart they think I am and here I feel like the biggest dumb-ass that ever was. I can't motivate myself enough to figure things out and instead waste time stewing on it frustrating me even more. Too bad whining isn't a paying career option.
I remember being a little kid and wanting to be a scientist or in movie special effects. I don't ever wanna be famous but acting seems like it would be fun. Maybe I just think that because I've seen so much acting over the past few days. I dunno. Entertainment. Sounds entertaining, but I'm sure it loses it's shine when you discover whats involved. Not to mention hard to get an in. I still find special effects fascinating but a lot is computerized today, and I am no computer whiz, nor do I have the desire to tackle that beastie. More often than not computers irritate me. Well life goes on, time will tell, and all that. Life will happen and hopefully I'll take it somewhere interesting in the next 10 years (like off my mom's couch). Someone asked me my age the other day,it took me a few seconds to remember how old I was. I've never felt so young and so old at the same time. Well really I've never felt old, but for a second... I don't want youth to sneak past me.
I remember being a little kid and wanting to be a scientist or in movie special effects. I don't ever wanna be famous but acting seems like it would be fun. Maybe I just think that because I've seen so much acting over the past few days. I dunno. Entertainment. Sounds entertaining, but I'm sure it loses it's shine when you discover whats involved. Not to mention hard to get an in. I still find special effects fascinating but a lot is computerized today, and I am no computer whiz, nor do I have the desire to tackle that beastie. More often than not computers irritate me. Well life goes on, time will tell, and all that. Life will happen and hopefully I'll take it somewhere interesting in the next 10 years (like off my mom's couch). Someone asked me my age the other day,it took me a few seconds to remember how old I was. I've never felt so young and so old at the same time. Well really I've never felt old, but for a second... I don't want youth to sneak past me.