(no subject)
I feel so fat irght now. I guess since I"m drunk I can share this with everyone....barley. I have lost weight...but I still feel fat. What is up with that.....hhu ..... that rimies. Well I feel like I would be so much happieri if i was liek 50pounds lighter. I don't look really fat...but i swear to god that i feel like i'm 440 pounds and everyhone looks at me...and says oh my god is that girl fat! I feel like its holding me back. I've always been heavy. Its' not like I was skinny at any point in my life. I was born this way. Even if i was 50 pounds lighter i'm afarid i would still see myself the way as i do now. That would of course lead to an eating disorder....which i think i might be in the developing stages. When ever i eat something...even soup....I think about throwing it up. That is some really fucked up shit! I tried to do that once...but i just started crying and i couldn't bring myself to do it. Will I ever be happy...thats what i want to know. I have been really sad lately. I feel like a social lepper. Like everyone doesn't really want to hang out with me....they just do it cuz they feel like they have to. If this doesn't cahng i'm going to probabalyu kill myself. I know that sounds dumvb and like a cop out but I've awanted to kill myself sincei iwas like 10 years old. I really need to figure out why. I'm so fucked up omg...wthf. I'm gonna go passss out onow. Night night.