the end of a love
~sigh~ This had to have come up at the worst possible time...Cristen brought it to my attention that i spend more time with Jennie than i do her and that shes starting to worry.
Well then we got into this whole huge discussion about how i feel tied down and that when i go to college its gonna be rough. She is under the naive fantasy that everything has a fairytale ending and that happily ever after can actually be achieved at this early of an age. To get through the college thing she says that we can do it together, when in fact that is the problem...I have to be able to figure things out on my own and not have someone to rely on, and she really doesn't understand this. She also brought up the fact that i spend more time with my friends than i do her....I don't think so but who knows...
This all occured in a 30 minute outpouring of feelings that i have had bottled up for a while. This is where she found out that i felt obligated to her even though she says i have absolutely no obligation to her.
I'm still really not sure how im going to fix this because i cannot live a lie or fake a relationship, that would be screwing with the heart and feelings of another individual(whom i love dearly, however would be better off friends), and that is not how i act. I am not a bastard or a schmuck and putting on a facade for the sake of other people would constitute both of these things.
I will not have a relationship where i have to lie ot make one person happy...the passion that was once there is lost and i have no idea where the hell it went, and why beat on a dead horse.
Probably by the time you all read this i will be at her house to talk about this...I will really need you all for this. Nine months could come to an end very soon...just be there if i need you...please......
Well then we got into this whole huge discussion about how i feel tied down and that when i go to college its gonna be rough. She is under the naive fantasy that everything has a fairytale ending and that happily ever after can actually be achieved at this early of an age. To get through the college thing she says that we can do it together, when in fact that is the problem...I have to be able to figure things out on my own and not have someone to rely on, and she really doesn't understand this. She also brought up the fact that i spend more time with my friends than i do her....I don't think so but who knows...
This all occured in a 30 minute outpouring of feelings that i have had bottled up for a while. This is where she found out that i felt obligated to her even though she says i have absolutely no obligation to her.
I'm still really not sure how im going to fix this because i cannot live a lie or fake a relationship, that would be screwing with the heart and feelings of another individual(whom i love dearly, however would be better off friends), and that is not how i act. I am not a bastard or a schmuck and putting on a facade for the sake of other people would constitute both of these things.
I will not have a relationship where i have to lie ot make one person happy...the passion that was once there is lost and i have no idea where the hell it went, and why beat on a dead horse.
Probably by the time you all read this i will be at her house to talk about this...I will really need you all for this. Nine months could come to an end very soon...just be there if i need you...please......