oh dear

[abitofaweirdo]

well, just back from another weekend in dundee. it was a good weekend and i really enjoyed going out tot he rock club again. good music for once instead of the shit they play in the clubs in ayr!!
me and chris were very close this weekend, but i stopped anything further from happening as i wasnt sure i could actually go through with it and feel ok. i think i would feel like i used him. we got pretty close to it and it was a case of body says yes but head says no. so i followed my head. we talked about what nearly happened and i felt really really bad about it. i know how chris feels about me and i wish i felt the same. i didnt want anything to happen and for it to have more meaning for him than me, not that it wudnt mean anything to me, just not in the same way i guess. it may have been a different story if i had got properly drunk on saturday night. but i still think i would have regretted it and felt a bit cheap. ive realised im just not cut out for the casual sex thing! i dont think chris is either and we are too close as friends to ruin things because of something like that.
i wish things were different :(