Fear is your only god
Well, the universe has calmed down somewhat. Exactly two months after being arrested i was in court for the ninth time being discharged without conviction. I would write more about what i was actually charged with, but it has been brought to my attention that my boss reads this from time to time.
The judge said he had to discharge me, as the term "miscarriage of justice" came into play.
funny how i could have told them that, two months ago.
Though not entirely downheartened by the NZ legal system, although lawyers are just as they're painted to be. I've been through four, in the last two months, and i believe that's a great enough grounding to have formed my opinion of them. And the police, well, they're exactly who I thought they were.
In the jist, i was charged with 6 other people. All of whom were diverted, and discharged without conviction. It then became a badly written cop/law show... including 1 trainer cop, who got halfway through reading my rights and says "I dont know how the rest goes" and 1 fingerprinting cop, who asked me if I was a farmer, because he'd never been to Christchurch and "assumed it was all farmland."
Then there's the female cop.. tall and blonde.. the obvious leader of the evening. Sat in the paddy wagon on the way to the station she remarks to the others (with me sat beside her) "we did pretty well out of that lot. How many did you get? I got two."
Now, I could forgive her arrogance, i suppose to her that is a good days work and perhaps I can forgive her pride in that.
But, you see, I was in the front of the paddy with 5 cops.. the others, all male, were in the back.
It was the reaction, from the other cops that really stands out in my mind.
The driver reaches over, turns down the police radio, and goes "oh yes, i got two too." The front passenger, 'yes i got one,' and the other sat infront of me 'oh yes, i got one too.'
Saying nothing I sat there, plotting exactly how I'd get out of the van if need be. And to be honest, the bumbling idiots that they were left it right open for me to run.
But I sat. No expression, no aggression, co-operating.
I knew in my mind that it was bad - only female, only maori, and as they dug for information, single and unattached to any of the men involved - though given how they acted, it's hard to call them all men. And cliche as it might be, us being from christchurch went over like a sack of bricks.
And then, of course, us being in auckland for the big day out - and more specifically, for rage against the machine, well, you can imagine how that went down.
They processed me first, and sent me to a cell. After ten minutes they came to move me to another cell, and i tried not to focus on the fact that I was walking barefoot on the horrible floor. i put my shoes outside the door of my new cell, this one with a mattress but without toilet paper.. i couldnt figure out if i'd rather have stayed in the one without a mattress but with toilet paper..
As they shut the door i heard the female cops voice again
'wait until she's crying, then let her out.'
My brain burned at this, i was in no place to start crying.
I was Zen Monkey.
At first i was certain that i would not let myself cry, even if I felt like it. but after an hour or so, with no indication of what was going on, i started to go through the motions. I dabbed my eyes in the water from the basin/toilet - a miraculous marvel of technology.. a toilet that has a basin instead of a cistern.
I whimpered a little, and became restless, looking at the camera pointed at me in the corner.
but it was to no avail. I was never going to start crying. I gave up and lay down on the green plastic covered mattress.
I could hear the guys talking, and it wasnt until later that I found out that they were allowed in a communal male cell. Something like an hour passed, and i heard less and less from the boys. Eventually it was as though one by one they werent talking any more. Until the last two voices I could hear were Hayden and John. Hayden was being put into a private cell, and the last words i had heard were hayden and john's objection to this.
Then, there was silence.
Another hour passed, and "cinderella" was put into the cell beside me. Screaming at the top of her lungs, and throwing her shoes. 'What's ya real name?' they demanded of her. Cinderella was all she screamed.
I strained my ears at every moment, to see if I could hear the boys but by this point i was sure they had gone. I sat there and thought about my mother, and how she could bail me from christchurch.
I thought about Rage, and the big day out, and the endless overtime I had done to get there. let alone the two days of hell spent in the back of a van.
I still didnt cry.
Just before midnight I was processed and released. They released us in twos, I was third to last. The two after me, were M and D, I now believe that was purely because - for the brief few moments we were in the police station together - they sat down either side of me. The trinity.
It spiralled from there, Hayden, john, M, D, And K were all diverted. hayden even tho he had the most serious charges, and M even though he's had diversion before.
Eventually tho, it caught up with Hayden and he was removed from the diversion list. he carried on to court and was discharged without conviction. (i said the most serious charges, but not that what we were being charged with had any grounding) His evidence had been minimised, and they charged him accordingly. but he was still discharged.
The longer it went the more i knew it was bad for me. My evidence was not minimised. And my first three lawyers told me I had to accept the charges and the subsequent jailtime and loss of visa.
This of course was shattering.
It wasnt until i sought out another lawyer, convinced by this point that I knew the law better than the three I had already seen, that I made any kind of progress. She stepped in, shocked by the charges as there was no evidence of my involvement, shocked by the police reports and the fact that they doubled my charges and shocked that I was going to be losing my life (my position at my new school, my degree, my house, my job, my ability to travel) to something i didnt do.
The judge told me if he was the first to see me i wouldnt be getting discharged, and it was purely because of the way everyone else was treated that he had to let me off.
My friend said it best, i think, the system fucked itself. It would have been a miscarriage of justice had they convicted me. So, disheartened is not the state of affairs at the moment. It couldnt have been written any better if it was hollywood.
The truly fucked up part, the state of affairs at the moment, the one thing i cant get over,
is just how unsurprising the whole fucking thing is.
The judge said he had to discharge me, as the term "miscarriage of justice" came into play.
funny how i could have told them that, two months ago.
Though not entirely downheartened by the NZ legal system, although lawyers are just as they're painted to be. I've been through four, in the last two months, and i believe that's a great enough grounding to have formed my opinion of them. And the police, well, they're exactly who I thought they were.
In the jist, i was charged with 6 other people. All of whom were diverted, and discharged without conviction. It then became a badly written cop/law show... including 1 trainer cop, who got halfway through reading my rights and says "I dont know how the rest goes" and 1 fingerprinting cop, who asked me if I was a farmer, because he'd never been to Christchurch and "assumed it was all farmland."
Then there's the female cop.. tall and blonde.. the obvious leader of the evening. Sat in the paddy wagon on the way to the station she remarks to the others (with me sat beside her) "we did pretty well out of that lot. How many did you get? I got two."
Now, I could forgive her arrogance, i suppose to her that is a good days work and perhaps I can forgive her pride in that.
But, you see, I was in the front of the paddy with 5 cops.. the others, all male, were in the back.
It was the reaction, from the other cops that really stands out in my mind.
The driver reaches over, turns down the police radio, and goes "oh yes, i got two too." The front passenger, 'yes i got one,' and the other sat infront of me 'oh yes, i got one too.'
Saying nothing I sat there, plotting exactly how I'd get out of the van if need be. And to be honest, the bumbling idiots that they were left it right open for me to run.
But I sat. No expression, no aggression, co-operating.
I knew in my mind that it was bad - only female, only maori, and as they dug for information, single and unattached to any of the men involved - though given how they acted, it's hard to call them all men. And cliche as it might be, us being from christchurch went over like a sack of bricks.
And then, of course, us being in auckland for the big day out - and more specifically, for rage against the machine, well, you can imagine how that went down.
They processed me first, and sent me to a cell. After ten minutes they came to move me to another cell, and i tried not to focus on the fact that I was walking barefoot on the horrible floor. i put my shoes outside the door of my new cell, this one with a mattress but without toilet paper.. i couldnt figure out if i'd rather have stayed in the one without a mattress but with toilet paper..
As they shut the door i heard the female cops voice again
'wait until she's crying, then let her out.'
My brain burned at this, i was in no place to start crying.
I was Zen Monkey.
At first i was certain that i would not let myself cry, even if I felt like it. but after an hour or so, with no indication of what was going on, i started to go through the motions. I dabbed my eyes in the water from the basin/toilet - a miraculous marvel of technology.. a toilet that has a basin instead of a cistern.
I whimpered a little, and became restless, looking at the camera pointed at me in the corner.
but it was to no avail. I was never going to start crying. I gave up and lay down on the green plastic covered mattress.
I could hear the guys talking, and it wasnt until later that I found out that they were allowed in a communal male cell. Something like an hour passed, and i heard less and less from the boys. Eventually it was as though one by one they werent talking any more. Until the last two voices I could hear were Hayden and John. Hayden was being put into a private cell, and the last words i had heard were hayden and john's objection to this.
Then, there was silence.
Another hour passed, and "cinderella" was put into the cell beside me. Screaming at the top of her lungs, and throwing her shoes. 'What's ya real name?' they demanded of her. Cinderella was all she screamed.
I strained my ears at every moment, to see if I could hear the boys but by this point i was sure they had gone. I sat there and thought about my mother, and how she could bail me from christchurch.
I thought about Rage, and the big day out, and the endless overtime I had done to get there. let alone the two days of hell spent in the back of a van.
I still didnt cry.
Just before midnight I was processed and released. They released us in twos, I was third to last. The two after me, were M and D, I now believe that was purely because - for the brief few moments we were in the police station together - they sat down either side of me. The trinity.
It spiralled from there, Hayden, john, M, D, And K were all diverted. hayden even tho he had the most serious charges, and M even though he's had diversion before.
Eventually tho, it caught up with Hayden and he was removed from the diversion list. he carried on to court and was discharged without conviction. (i said the most serious charges, but not that what we were being charged with had any grounding) His evidence had been minimised, and they charged him accordingly. but he was still discharged.
The longer it went the more i knew it was bad for me. My evidence was not minimised. And my first three lawyers told me I had to accept the charges and the subsequent jailtime and loss of visa.
This of course was shattering.
It wasnt until i sought out another lawyer, convinced by this point that I knew the law better than the three I had already seen, that I made any kind of progress. She stepped in, shocked by the charges as there was no evidence of my involvement, shocked by the police reports and the fact that they doubled my charges and shocked that I was going to be losing my life (my position at my new school, my degree, my house, my job, my ability to travel) to something i didnt do.
The judge told me if he was the first to see me i wouldnt be getting discharged, and it was purely because of the way everyone else was treated that he had to let me off.
My friend said it best, i think, the system fucked itself. It would have been a miscarriage of justice had they convicted me. So, disheartened is not the state of affairs at the moment. It couldnt have been written any better if it was hollywood.
The truly fucked up part, the state of affairs at the moment, the one thing i cant get over,
is just how unsurprising the whole fucking thing is.