Seeing Paula Deen
Click to viewIn order to change, in order to grow, and in order to find the truth of who you are, you have to work at it. The work starts by knowing yourself. Or at the very least, being introduced to yourself. Deen is the worst kind of racist: The kind that doesn’t know they’re racist. She is the most dangerous and vile American mirror we have. We look at Paula and we see her kindly Southern nature, her attempt at beauty and gracious living, and we love her cooking. It’s good ole fashioned home cooking. For a certain generation, she reminds us of mom and the backyard and no responsibility. Paula Deen knows this and because she’s smart and because she’s savvy, she continues to play that role and has now internalized it to where she actually believes she IS that person.
And that role has not only made her famous, it’s made her a millionaire.
Watch her speak about her great grandfather. She tries, to the best of her ability, to elicit sympathy for this man who, after the Civil War was over (a war founded on slavery and ending in bloodshed from both sides), claims he had no other recourse but to shoot himself through the head in his barn one night. He was about to lose everything he worked so hard for, because all the Black people were now gone and with the death of his son, was left alone to tend to his problems himself. This makes perfect sense to Deen, who as she expounds on this story, changes her Shape just a bit, and leans in toward us. As if she’s letting us in on something very personal and very private. Great tactic, bad reason.
But Deen’s completely unaware of this. She sits there, calm as can be, attempting to explain how much she loves Black people, and then tells her friend Hollis to move from the black board, because no one can see him. She brings Mr. Johnson out like a trophy, a piece of furniture or a decorative ring she just bought. The moment might have worked had it been genuine, had she and Hollis not spoken earlier about this and rehearsed it and had this not seemed so stilted and staged. But this is not the case. Deen knows one thing: She’s in trouble and she’s got to do something. The problem is, she honestly doesn’t know what to do.
The fact of whether Paula Deen is a racist or not isn’t really the issue. There’s something bigger at play here. We have a well known personality at the precipice of what could be a major lesson for all of us. She has the opportunity to teach the average American that it takes time to be with yourself. This isn’t about what she said or didn’t say, or even what she’s saying now. This is about taking stock. This is about an honest, thorough soul searching journey she could not only take us on, but herself as well. I certainly don’t think we should live in a world where we have to mark every piece of text that comes out of our mouths, but the world is changing. Things that were socially acceptable in 1950, simply aren't’ anymore. Just because you know an African American person, doesn’t mean you don’t feel they’re still beneath you. They may eat at your table, but that doesn’t erase the feeling of superiority you feel as you pass the potatoes. It’s about what’s happening in your spirit, not about what’s spewing from your mouth.
And this is what’s confusing to Deen. She honestly believes if she keeps attempting to show us her friendly, demure, home-y personality, everyone will go back inside and stop making such a fuss. Recently she recorded two separate apologies on You Tube. One was taken down immediately after it flew across the internet, and the second is a heartfelt monologue on her feelings toward us and toward other races and homosexuals. Interestingly, towards the end, she gestures to her heart and repeats:
“It’s about what’s in here.”
That gesture seems to elude her. She isn’t present in it and she isn’t available to us. And more importantly; she is invisible to herself. She doesn’t exist in her own vessel or in her own spirit. And of all the dark places she’s gone through and all the tribulations she’s faced, and as much as I love her, I believe she is the one person she’s never met. She has no way of even knowing why people are reacting the way they’re reacting towards her, and this is what will be her eventual downfall. She knows she’s being called racist and she knows she’s said some things in the past that were indeed racist, and that, she’s apologizing for. But if the host in the above video would have called her out on her blackboard reference she made about Hollis, she would have looked wide-eyed and shocked. Paula Deen is apologizing for something she thinks went away years ago, and sadly, something she’s almost entitled to, being from the South and all.
If she doesn’t have a moment or reckoning, or a small whisper of her own truth, she’ll be left alone, her and her sons, wafting through the other racists and homophobes, serving up semi-fried chicken dinners with low salt and no-fat butter, and wondering what happened to it all. Meanwhile, she continues to reveal to us exactly who she is without ever knowing she’s doing it.