what the hell
i am feeling utterly frustrated and confused with every single bloody aspect of my life. every single one. i am feeling like pulling out my hair and lighting my room on fire. i feel like nothing is static except me. i am resisting the flow of some things and pushing change in others. i cant stand this. i am so not depressed and i am tired of every time i get feelings like this my parents suggesting therepy. i dont tell them most of what is going on inside my head, and i guess thats a good thing, concidering this is theie automatic responce to everything. the Rx for all your problems! well i am not having problems! i am just fucking confused! and i feel like doing SOMETING. so i am joinging Explorers. i quite chorus "have you concidered what that will look like on your collage application?!"-mother i dont give a SHIT what it looks like on my collage application. i am not going to stick with something that has been the single largest contributer to my self-esteem problems and my unhappiness throughout my life. im sorry about this entry, i jsut feel like there is nothing else i can do about these feelings. this stress. hell, i dont even do my homework. i really havent since 8th grade. i feel like i have no idea what is going on in my boyfriend's head and that scares me. especially when i doubt his feelings for me sometimes. i doubt everyone's feelings for me sometimes. but with someone you care so much about, its important to be on the same page about these kindsa things. what the fuck do i do with myself. i feel like losing 20 pounds or something. cutting off my long ass ugly hair. doing SOMETIHNG