(no subject)
Guess that last post wasnt ment to be. Deleted after a good 30 mins of typing.
I've lied to myself, broke promises, ive told myself to be true and thats prolly the only thing that i have done..not strayed away from what is real and what is true. at least to me. Things have come and things have gone. Kristi had her second son, beautiful Dakota, and hes already a heart breaker just like Noah. Ive lost friends, gained new ones..its a never ending cycle of the same crap. Ive made friends at p. reds and lost a good friend of mine. I told girl how boy has been feeling and she cut me off. Left me high and dry and just didnt even have the nurve to at least enlighten me of her feelings..typical woman i guess..i really dont understand girls nowadays.
Im currently poor, waiting for government money to come in and pay my bills. Ive been unemployed for nearly 2 months now. I surrendered my keys to wolf camera and walked away horrably saddened. Im glad the experience i got from it tho. Ive gottin tons of friends and absolutely wonderful memories that i can never replace. I dont seem to be that same girl. That same artistic girl that felt nakid without her camera. What happened to that artistic dying to get out of her skin paint the world multi colours kinda gal? where did she go? What happened to me, and when did i lose what i was...im thinking the changing of states my senior year of highschoool...i lost myself then.
Im currently listening to Third Eye Blind, im assuming thats why im taking the time to actually sit down and write. I havent needed to in awhile but ive felt like i was going to explode if i didnt relase something from my fingertips soon.Its been months since i put a pen to a piece of paper. I hate when i go thru these spells where im just dry..unable to get what i need to get off my chest just..out.
2009 has been rough. Many deaths of friends my age. 2 girls from calvary and one dear friend of mine Lauren. I hate that i havent gone to go see her in awhile. me and kristi promised to go see her, and now its been months and i still havent gone..almost a year has come and gone and i still havent taken the time to go play music for her and just talk...im sorry kenzers! im sorry i didnt stick to the plan.and now my keyboard is covered in tears and its not even my keyboard...*laughs* sorry bro!
I have currently found love though. Weirdest place too. Never actually expected to fall in love with a boy from the internet. I always assumed id meet him at a concert, a cafe, or even out waundering where ever..never thought it would be this easy seriously. he makes me the happiest ive ever been.. we hit 7 months yesterday..longest ive ever been in and i dont ever want it to stop. I may be mean to him most of the time, i just do it for reactions tho..i love seeing him smile. Cant imagine ever being without him...ever. hes that one person you wait to find..even if its in another lifetime..its prolly taken me forever to find him..thank god it was this life and not my next. hes my perfect, everything. and i absolutely love him with all my heart....i can die happy now.
I havent been doing any photography projects in forever, i havent touched my DSLR in forever, i feel so lonely wihout it..i just havent been myself..waiting for the weather to change up so i can go have a picnic and photograph everything..i miss just daily life photos...its not as pretty as it used to be, now its just 'im to tired' for everything..im offically old, ive offically grown up and i hate it.
Johanna has been married, kristi has her second baby, and everyone is growing around me..im still sitting here happily unmarried and content..who needs that rock when you've got love like ive got....
I've lied to myself, broke promises, ive told myself to be true and thats prolly the only thing that i have done..not strayed away from what is real and what is true. at least to me. Things have come and things have gone. Kristi had her second son, beautiful Dakota, and hes already a heart breaker just like Noah. Ive lost friends, gained new ones..its a never ending cycle of the same crap. Ive made friends at p. reds and lost a good friend of mine. I told girl how boy has been feeling and she cut me off. Left me high and dry and just didnt even have the nurve to at least enlighten me of her feelings..typical woman i guess..i really dont understand girls nowadays.
Im currently poor, waiting for government money to come in and pay my bills. Ive been unemployed for nearly 2 months now. I surrendered my keys to wolf camera and walked away horrably saddened. Im glad the experience i got from it tho. Ive gottin tons of friends and absolutely wonderful memories that i can never replace. I dont seem to be that same girl. That same artistic girl that felt nakid without her camera. What happened to that artistic dying to get out of her skin paint the world multi colours kinda gal? where did she go? What happened to me, and when did i lose what i was...im thinking the changing of states my senior year of highschoool...i lost myself then.
Im currently listening to Third Eye Blind, im assuming thats why im taking the time to actually sit down and write. I havent needed to in awhile but ive felt like i was going to explode if i didnt relase something from my fingertips soon.Its been months since i put a pen to a piece of paper. I hate when i go thru these spells where im just dry..unable to get what i need to get off my chest just..out.
2009 has been rough. Many deaths of friends my age. 2 girls from calvary and one dear friend of mine Lauren. I hate that i havent gone to go see her in awhile. me and kristi promised to go see her, and now its been months and i still havent gone..almost a year has come and gone and i still havent taken the time to go play music for her and just talk...im sorry kenzers! im sorry i didnt stick to the plan.and now my keyboard is covered in tears and its not even my keyboard...*laughs* sorry bro!
I have currently found love though. Weirdest place too. Never actually expected to fall in love with a boy from the internet. I always assumed id meet him at a concert, a cafe, or even out waundering where ever..never thought it would be this easy seriously. he makes me the happiest ive ever been.. we hit 7 months yesterday..longest ive ever been in and i dont ever want it to stop. I may be mean to him most of the time, i just do it for reactions tho..i love seeing him smile. Cant imagine ever being without him...ever. hes that one person you wait to find..even if its in another lifetime..its prolly taken me forever to find him..thank god it was this life and not my next. hes my perfect, everything. and i absolutely love him with all my heart....i can die happy now.
I havent been doing any photography projects in forever, i havent touched my DSLR in forever, i feel so lonely wihout it..i just havent been myself..waiting for the weather to change up so i can go have a picnic and photograph everything..i miss just daily life photos...its not as pretty as it used to be, now its just 'im to tired' for everything..im offically old, ive offically grown up and i hate it.
Johanna has been married, kristi has her second baby, and everyone is growing around me..im still sitting here happily unmarried and content..who needs that rock when you've got love like ive got....