The Sound of Drums
Ironically, I’ve very little to say after a four month hiatus in this livejournal. I’ve been putting off writing because I didn’t want to just be like, I don’t know what I’m doing, I have no money, I’m bored, I’m screwed over and over and over again because - for real this time - my parents are selling the house I live in and are moving to the south, leaving me without a roof over my head. I mean they’re not abandoning me or anything (of course not - if anything they want me to come down there with them!) but I have no intention of going to SC, at least, not any time soon. I need to be out in the world first, and SC is about as far removed as you can get (well, aside from Mississippi). Thus being so, last week I narrowed down my options to three (keep in mind that the following list has come from many hours of tortuous and laborious consideration). Uno: move to NYC with my most excellent friends Nadiene and Kim. Have lots of fun, great job, and amazing life - even if it is an expensive one (and one that, until most recently, I had not really considered for myself). Deux: Drop everything and move to Ireland; minor stopover in the UK to live in London as I get started to live with dear friend Holly. Make a life in the culture and amongst the people I’ve been dying to know my entire life. Attain dream. Three: Last resort, equivalent to committing social/career suicide, follow mom and dad to South Carolina. Get “stuck” (knowing me I would) and settle with what life has to offer down there. In other words, give up. Grad school no longer factors in as a variable because I’ve decided to wait on going for a bit; long story short, I need to make decisions now about where I’m going to be in three months (oh yeah, that’s the time limit on this move, just enough time to get my life together and go (nothing like a little pressure…)!) and waiting on schools to get back to me would take too long in terms of planning. There are other matters involved as well, but when it came down to it, I realized that it was not in my best interest to make that last ditch effort and put all my eggs in that basket. So, the above three are what I came up with. Truthfully, I’ve all but decided to go with plan number Uno; I know I’ll have work, I’ll be meeting new people constantly (not to mention that I’ve got the people that I know and trust already) and almost most importantly I’ll be surrounded by the industry and art that I love. It makes the most sense on paper. Plan Deux is what I would like most to do, but monetarily speaking it’s foolish. My dollar ain’t worth squat over there. I’d have to get over the culture shock, the romantic dream that I’ve made Ireland out to be and my own insecurities all at once and that might take more time and money than I have available to me. It would be one hell of an adventure, but it’s not the one I’m taking yet. The last is obviously what would happen if, for whatever reason, I could not make one of the two previously mentioned moves. I would be welcome to live with them if I had to, but I know if I went down there I would just fizzle and settle and let the world defeat me. I would never get away. It’s hard to explain the way my brain works in that respect, but honestly to go down there with them would be like giving up; I know if I really wanted to I could get away, but it would be too easy to stay, so I would. It’s time I challenged myself a bit and did something out of my element. I know if I fall on my face - which my friends probably won’t let me do, then I can always go down there - but I’m not about to let that happen. Nope. Instead, I’m taking a flying fucking leap into the unknown. Me. From a one-stoplight town. Four years of school in MAINE. I’ve been no-where my entire life, and now all of a sudden it’s entirely viable that by my birthday I’ll have an apartment in Queens, a job in Manhattan and a book out there somewhere. Holy fuck. Sorry, all of a sudden I got some perspective and it felt pretty fucking cool.
So that is my life at the moment; looking for work because I need to make as much as I can before taking the plunge, doing some writing, thinking of what’s ahead… Doing my best to stay focused and not get overwhelmed, etc. The future is coming at me like a tidal wave; but you know, it’s pointless to run from either. They’re both going to hit you, it’s how you manage to take it that really matters. Granted, it might not be the easiest thing to survive a tidal wave, but I suppose if, before it kills you, you at least try to surf, than it can’t have been all that bad.
Apparently, I’m not that good at metaphors at the moment, but it works for me.
Here’s to what’s coming (even Hell and high water) in 2008!
Me
So that is my life at the moment; looking for work because I need to make as much as I can before taking the plunge, doing some writing, thinking of what’s ahead… Doing my best to stay focused and not get overwhelmed, etc. The future is coming at me like a tidal wave; but you know, it’s pointless to run from either. They’re both going to hit you, it’s how you manage to take it that really matters. Granted, it might not be the easiest thing to survive a tidal wave, but I suppose if, before it kills you, you at least try to surf, than it can’t have been all that bad.
Apparently, I’m not that good at metaphors at the moment, but it works for me.
Here’s to what’s coming (even Hell and high water) in 2008!
Me