LIfe's little hiccups
As human beings we strive for a lot of things. We strive to be successful(even if it's on a small scale), we strive for love, we strive for friendships, and self acceptance...the list goes on and on. We all have different perspectives on the level of importance each individual goal holds for us and consequently how much we are willing to sacrifice to achieve those goals. In any event, we STRIVE for shit we feel is important enough to sacrifice time and pride and shit for. But here's the kicker, what I like to call life's tendency to hiccup...sometimes we strive and sacrifice and find out once we've reached the goal that hey that's not what I wanted in the first place, in fact it's quite the opposite. So really you're left with a bad case of cognitive dissonance(something akin to buyer's remorse). Sometimes its a small feeling an "aww shucks" moment but sometimes it leaves a bitter bile that acts like an acid and eats away at the lining of your stomach. There is one person that has caused this in me so badly that it still sends me reeling. I have never in my life hated someone and I've had many opportunities to actually hate someone with good reason...but this person is the only one I actually hate. I hate her with such a vengeance...the word BILE comes to mind...that's just a nasty word isn't it?! BILE is a disgusting material...if you don't know what it is look it up. It's just plain icky...but yes I see her as just putrescent bile...she's filth...waste of fucking life. I hate her more than the person who molested me from age 6-11. I hate her more than my uncle who allowed it to happen AND also added insult to injury by making me feel inadequate and ridiculous and proceeded to sit an 8 year old me down and explain in full detail why my father hated me and my mother was sooo disappointed she hadn't aborted me. I hate her more than my grandfather who stole 10,000K dollars from me and stole my identity. Yes people I'm just laying it all out there to make my point. I hate this "thing" that poses as a woman/girl. She's an utter blight on humanity...but then again I don't recognize her as human. I'm not going to name names because it's just tasteless...but suffice it to say if I had to choose between seeing her one more time or death...I'd choose death without batting an eye. I fucking hate the ground she treads upon...she makes me sick to be the same species as her...and to ever have dealt with her in the goddamned first place. I am not ashamed of this post and am not ashamed of my feelings. This thing ruined my faith in people and has made me the bitchy judgemental fuck I am today...she's created the doubt in me that I now have to fight everytime I meet a new person. Why do I have trouble liking others and trusting others? Because of her and this isn't some pop psych shit...it's the plain damned truth. I DON'T hope that bitch dies because she deserves to suffer a full fucking existence being the slimy waste she is.