I hOpE yOu'Re aS haPPy As yOu ArE pReTeNdiNg...
I actually wish I was as happy as he's pretending....
I kept trying to change him and he made tiny adjustments but now i'm realizing that I was a bitch of a girlfriend all this time and I was the one who changed...for the worst...I keep making it seem like I don't care about him anymore and I guess I still do care...like I sometimes miss having him around to talk to and understand me and laugh with me...I miss the sexual attention I had..because I'm in need of a good hookup right about now...but anyway...I dont know...at first I wanted to get back together but now i couldn't be happier that we are apart...
I wish it just wasn't so wierd...when we hang out with friends he avoids making eye contact with me..even though I think I catch him sometimes looking... and it feels so strange when we're all together..tonight we were all together and I wanted to pull him aside and tell him what i've wanted to for the past few weeks...'grow a set of balls in your pants and then talk to me' but I don't think he's ever going to do that so whatever...he leaves for college in a few weeks and then I won't have to see him again...
Here's the funny part...I dont know if I mentioned this but he supposedly wanted to breakup with me before prom...and I wanted to break up with him also...and then I considered doing it after prom just because I needed a change and everything but my mom told me to make it last thru the summer...and I thought he was so happy all along and didn't want to hurt him...so instead I got hurt and hear I am...I don't even think he's worth worrying about or crying over because I'm single and ready to mingle...I just wish there were some hotties for me...
Relationships are fun at first...then they become a chore...like you 'have to' hang out with your boyfriend all the time...and then when that ends you're left sitting home with no one to talk to or laugh with...I didn't want it to be as serious as it turned out to be and I guess I didn't really make that clear enough..
I don't regret anything and I don't regret being with him for 4 months...I still have the picture in the frame he gave me for our one month and on the frame he put stickers that say "Adam and Michelle 1.21.06" I still have the red bear he gave me that says "I love you" on the foot....and the single rose he gave me....I was really angry this morning and anticipated throwing all reminders of him away when I clean my room one of these days and now im thinking I should put them away so that someday i'll look back and remember 'my first boyfriend.'
My mom and all my friends always told me that I was a bitch too him and that it seemed that he liked me a lot more than I liked him which is true..I never denied that...but here I am...
I don't miss the relationship....I miss the friendship....and I wish he wasn't so immature so I could tell him all this...
My mom even asked me if he ever kissed me and if we made out and I said yeah..and I turned around and said "but he wasn't that good anyway" and she laughed....
I don't know what to do or what I should feel...I just wish things weren't so wierd and he wasn't so immature...
Thanks for reading..
I kept trying to change him and he made tiny adjustments but now i'm realizing that I was a bitch of a girlfriend all this time and I was the one who changed...for the worst...I keep making it seem like I don't care about him anymore and I guess I still do care...like I sometimes miss having him around to talk to and understand me and laugh with me...I miss the sexual attention I had..because I'm in need of a good hookup right about now...but anyway...I dont know...at first I wanted to get back together but now i couldn't be happier that we are apart...
I wish it just wasn't so wierd...when we hang out with friends he avoids making eye contact with me..even though I think I catch him sometimes looking... and it feels so strange when we're all together..tonight we were all together and I wanted to pull him aside and tell him what i've wanted to for the past few weeks...'grow a set of balls in your pants and then talk to me' but I don't think he's ever going to do that so whatever...he leaves for college in a few weeks and then I won't have to see him again...
Here's the funny part...I dont know if I mentioned this but he supposedly wanted to breakup with me before prom...and I wanted to break up with him also...and then I considered doing it after prom just because I needed a change and everything but my mom told me to make it last thru the summer...and I thought he was so happy all along and didn't want to hurt him...so instead I got hurt and hear I am...I don't even think he's worth worrying about or crying over because I'm single and ready to mingle...I just wish there were some hotties for me...
Relationships are fun at first...then they become a chore...like you 'have to' hang out with your boyfriend all the time...and then when that ends you're left sitting home with no one to talk to or laugh with...I didn't want it to be as serious as it turned out to be and I guess I didn't really make that clear enough..
I don't regret anything and I don't regret being with him for 4 months...I still have the picture in the frame he gave me for our one month and on the frame he put stickers that say "Adam and Michelle 1.21.06" I still have the red bear he gave me that says "I love you" on the foot....and the single rose he gave me....I was really angry this morning and anticipated throwing all reminders of him away when I clean my room one of these days and now im thinking I should put them away so that someday i'll look back and remember 'my first boyfriend.'
My mom and all my friends always told me that I was a bitch too him and that it seemed that he liked me a lot more than I liked him which is true..I never denied that...but here I am...
I don't miss the relationship....I miss the friendship....and I wish he wasn't so immature so I could tell him all this...
My mom even asked me if he ever kissed me and if we made out and I said yeah..and I turned around and said "but he wasn't that good anyway" and she laughed....
I don't know what to do or what I should feel...I just wish things weren't so wierd and he wasn't so immature...
Thanks for reading..