(no subject)
tomorrow's winter camp. can't go cause of finals. definitely sucks balls. i need to see zeina soon.
brad, i am so proud of you for tonight. you and the rest of the team. i cant tell you how glad i am i got to go, you really are a beast at swimming.
i wrote out a journal entry a couple weeks ago. by hand, at about 1 in the morning, night before the first day back to school. just found it under a stack of papers:
1-2-06
I've been thinking lately about how truly amazing my life is. I don't mean that in a conceited way; all I mean is that I am fortunate enough to realize how blessed I am.
It is 2006. Seriously, our lives have been leading up to this point. And it's just incredible. An incredible feeling. I think back to my more awkward years and feel so reassured knowing that although I was worried about various things back then, everything turned out the way it's supposed to. I had no reason to worry. That makes me smile, lol. I'm glad I went through everything the way I did. I'm especially glad that I learned from everything. I just sit here thinking about the past and my life, and, just to be repetitive, it simply makes me SMILE :-). My life so far has been so blessed. I'm lucky to know everything I know and not be ignorant. I like the fact that I can go out every night then have a conversation with a friend from camp to remind me how much I absolutely love, and need, that part of my life. those people will be there for the rest of my being. Allison, if you die before me, my black purse (you know which one lol) goes to you :-)
Part of me has felt lonely these past few days. But then I remember my middle school years, when I honestly thought that no one would ever take the time to love me. And now I am, thankfully, able to laugh at myself and remember better times, knowing that I still have a lifetime to love those around me.
I know that my high school friends are an important part of my life. I never want them to think otherwise. Regardless, I am happy knowing that, when I go to college next year, nothing will change with my camp friends, those who seem closest to me. I see it being a simple transition because I've had to live apart from them for almost 9 years. All I'll have to do when I'm down is call the same people I do now. Nothing will change because we're not moving away from each other. We never have. All we've done is leave camp.
"The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved."
Despite my "lonliness", nostalgia, and wishful thinking, I am optimistic and happy. I know that I have many, many people I can turn to to reassure me any time I get sad. A few years ago I was too insecure to remind myself that i am loved. And you are, too. My high school experience has given me proof not only that I am loved, but that I can truly love others. Even if there is no other purpose in life than to find a good job and family, that's okay. I am willing to find those things with confidence as long as I keep myself happy. Thank God that I am able to do so.
__________________
well, it was the end of break. breaks always end nostalgic..ly. shit my parents are coming to bitch me out, love you guys