*blows rasberry in the universe's face*
There are days when I love being single...and being single is great and I can't even imagine having a boyfriend in the time in my life...
And then...there are days where I wake up and I feel like absolute shit...like I am ugly and fat and stupid and awkward and the only thing that will fix these feelings is a boy...to come and tell me "You are beautiful, smart, and you have great taste in music, books and pop culture."
Well...maybe not in those exact words but close enough.
And there are days...when I have the healthy realization that I am doing these things...because I never had a male figure in my life telling me things as a child. I know that if my Dad was here I could talk to him about these things and he would probably have an answer or at least some encouragement that I don't need a boy to give me these things.
And even if when I realize all these things...And I know them to be true.
I don't know how to fix it. Or be logical about it. I'm tired of having days where I feel like a disgusting human being that isn't beautiful. I am beautiful. I realize this...but it does not make that lonely empty feeling inside of me grating at my insides any better.
When does realization become equal to the actions we take? When will my brain and my heart meet each other and say "Hello, let me show you something. Let's stop arguing through letters, and email through Jessie's veins and let's talk face to face."
Ugh. Being young and inexperienced with stupid parents is....really hard.
And then...there are days where I wake up and I feel like absolute shit...like I am ugly and fat and stupid and awkward and the only thing that will fix these feelings is a boy...to come and tell me "You are beautiful, smart, and you have great taste in music, books and pop culture."
Well...maybe not in those exact words but close enough.
And there are days...when I have the healthy realization that I am doing these things...because I never had a male figure in my life telling me things as a child. I know that if my Dad was here I could talk to him about these things and he would probably have an answer or at least some encouragement that I don't need a boy to give me these things.
And even if when I realize all these things...And I know them to be true.
I don't know how to fix it. Or be logical about it. I'm tired of having days where I feel like a disgusting human being that isn't beautiful. I am beautiful. I realize this...but it does not make that lonely empty feeling inside of me grating at my insides any better.
When does realization become equal to the actions we take? When will my brain and my heart meet each other and say "Hello, let me show you something. Let's stop arguing through letters, and email through Jessie's veins and let's talk face to face."
Ugh. Being young and inexperienced with stupid parents is....really hard.