En masse update (with bonus pictures)
It's Christmas Eve -- Happy Birthday Noella! (Or 'Kim Jong Il' as I saw some-one called you on your facebook :P creative!) You are a true professional; never doubt your voice -- its just so divine and stunning
You still win the award for cutest family ever -- can't wait til I get to come stay with you!
Have been feeling very sensitive today; have even cried a few times (something I don't admit lightly). Saw a story on Oprah about this young couple that had a baby born with a severe defect, so much that the baby wasn't predicted to live more than a few days. The boy, Adrian, lived for 99 days -- each day the proud parents made video documentaries and wrote letters to their son of how much they loved him. In 99 days, they took over 30, 000 photos.
The strength these two young people showed was extraordinary, and I was so touched. I could never imagine losing a child, someone whom I had carried and given my DNA to. But I imagine this feeling of loss is universal... the same constant, deepheaviness in the pit of your stomach; your chest feeling like its collapsing in on you. I'm still struggling to come to terms with Liz -- she was so young; a brilliant artist; connoisseur of music; a hilarious drunk; trouble-maker; a beautiful and caring friend.
On the news this-evening I heard the tally of road fatalities this month: 35. Two of them today, Christmas Eve. One was a Grandmother.
Before, I used to hear these reports but never really had them affect me. I would note it with some sadness, and moved on a moment later -- no-where near what I feel now. It was the hundreds of people who knew and loved Liz who came to her memorial, which put into perspective of how widely a death can effect people. It's so real for me now, and I hate it. I know that death is a natural part of life, I'm not deluding myself; but it's the unnessecary deaths which make me sick.
More than ever, I'm finding solace in my Mum. I've been very hesitant about bringing up the subject of Liz amongst my friends because, the truth is, it's just too sad. Any song that she loved or was played at her funeral just cripples a crowd. Together we get caught up thinking of her, and just sit there stewing in silence. I'll be the first to admit that I can supress a lot of things, but for Liz, I just knew I physically couldn't do it. Not to mention what a dishonor it is to her memory. I've really opened up to my Mum about it, but sometimes it can be hard to get started.
I can't believe, however, how afraid I feel whenever she leaves the house now -- I'm compelled to hug her and say "I love you" even if she's just going down the street to pick up dry-cleaning.
I think the last thing I ever said to Liz was something like "See you later, my love". Something completely un-profound like that. I don't ever want to risk never being able to tell someone how much I love and appreciate them... there was just so much I never said to Liz.
Sharam has been so wonderful; he had both arms around me for the whole funeral, and let me cry all of the little make-up I had bothered to put on, off onto his new trench. It left a small stain on his right shoulder, I don't know if he's noticed... If he has, he hasn't said anything.
I couldn't live without him -- he's putting this broken shell of a person back together, and even still, says he wants to spend forever with me. That's dedication. I'm so in love with him
In other news:
- I wrapped Sharam's Christmas present today, I personally think he'll love them -- he's the kind of person I think should have an entire collection of Converse:
- Recieved Bee's birthday party invitation in the mail today -- made me feel rather special =) Sounds like its going to be much fun
- Have started reading the book Evan gave me for my birthday, Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman -- what beautiful minds those two are! As Fear magazine so perfectly summarised: "Hilarious Pratchett magic tempered by Neil Gaiman's dark steely style; who could ask for a better combination". So very true
***Link-worthy Neil Gaiman creations: The Sandman series and American Gods - In a totally OOC move, I have decided for now on a costume change for Lampy's "Sexy Party". Instead of going as a skankified version of Alice In Wonderland (re-using my costume from the year 12 dress-up day...)
PS: The Beautiful Bree-man (as Cinederella), is wearing my earrings and skirt. Just to explain this picture; This skirt is so ridiculously massive, I wanted to see if I could fit under it. My facial epression is that of victory.
... I am now supposedly dressing up as a Playboy Bunny. Lauren convinced me. Somehow.
Can anyone who knows me honestly imagine me ever dressing up as one of Hef's fluffy friends? As I said; OOC.
But., somehow... fascinating. Not to mention hilarious.
At least I'll only be wearing this around close friends. If it were strangers, then I wouldn't have considered anything other than Alice. I'm not that comfortable with my body -- Sharam gives me confidence, though.
Lauren and I have been watching far too much Girls of the Playboy Mansion.
But God I love that show! I <3 you, Holly!