(no subject)
Oh, my. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that you could sure use a break right about now. Oh, you’re a good sport, and you make a point of counting your blessings fairly regularly. After all, you are a Cancer, so it’s not your way to sit around and feel sorry for yourself when things don’t go your way. But if you are forced to admit it, there’s been some stress lately, and money has been a player there. Well, your break is on the way in the form of new opportunities as Mars retreats. This is the right time to look for promotions, investment opportunities, and - as a bonus - deeper emotional truth. Take advantage of this positive phase for you.
this is my financial horoscope, i read it after deciding that an hour and a half of straight reading intitled me to a break. i found this kind of .... eerie.
anyhoo, here is the deal
i am sick, major sore throat and coughing and hacking and blah.
i text messaged jon on sunday asking if he had time for coffee some time in the next three days (sun/mon/tues) i have not heard from him. much as i'd like to dismiss it as simply him ignoring me and thus i can call him a jackass, i don't see what the point would be in that. i mean, he adamantly wanted to remain friends, and he always seemed trustworthy when it came to responding to messages or calls. thus, tomorrow if he still hasn't replied i will be calling him (while he's at work so i just have to leave a message of course) and asking if he got me message or not and what the fuck? and then who knows? maybe he'll be dead. maybe he'll say, leave me alone, maybe he didn't get the message and is interested in coffee after all. i really don't know which i would prefer. i'm waiting i guess, like i always am with him it seems, to see what happens. impowerment my ass.
getting together with stephen wednesday. ouch, i just realized that if i work on thursday like i want to then both wednesday and thursday i'm up at 5, on the go til about 9 or 10 each nite. oh well, it's his birthday so he's worth it :D besides, i get a lax friday. well, kind of.
on friday i get together with candice then i get together with colin. i doubt i'll go to that christmas party, being ostracized by my mates for basically not being there a bunch and finding them all a bunch of boorish snobs. i'm so nice.
saturday i work 8-4, then possibly doing something with trent, possibly going to the bar with mandy. it's funny, since i'm going to the bar with candice in.... 19 days, i want to go with mandy one last time type thing. lolo. should be interesting, to say the least. if we go.
trent. what can i say? he is nice, he treats me with respect, he calls ME, he understands i'm busy, he LISTENS to me, and REMEMBERS things i tell him. he has a good job. he seems to have the same values as me. he would make a good husband. but i don't WANT a husband. i'm not cut out for long term relationships. my previous experiences with jon and stephen prove that to me because it's like, i always need drama. i constantly need to be paid attention to and to be made to feel adored. that doesn't happen in most relationships after extended periods of time. in my experience what happens is that the two involved take each other for granted and get bored of each other. i doubt there is a guy out there who would be happy having a million ups and downs in a relationship just because otherwise, i get bored. iunno, where is martin my french army dude when i need him>?
lolo, yes. so megan is lonely, but happy. it's weird that i'm happier than i've been in two years and yet there is still this lonliness thing going on. I've been lonely my whole life, even when among friends. well, a lot of times i'll forget loneliness when i'm with friends, but then as soon as they are gone i want to call them back to prevent myself from being alone.
yes, so i don't understand myself, what else is new? sometimes i wish i had never met certain people in my life, that certain things hadn't happened. but then i think, if i hadn't, whose to say that i'd be where i am now? and if i'm not here now, how can the future be as great as i'm sure it's going to be? i mean, talk about hopeless optimism. i'm certain that somewhere down the line i'll fall head over heels in love with someone worthy of me, i'll be financially secure, i'll be happy. but really, won't the rest of my life still be plagued with self-doubt and what ifs? i mean, this is how i've lived for the past 19 years, whose to say suddenly i'll have this brilliant epiphany and love everyone and everything in my life? but at the same time i realize that i've changed. i'm mellower i guess. value friends and connections more. even that stupid mandy bitch who owes me money!!! :P
what would the world be like without me? it's a wonderful life should happen to me. i'd really like to see what effect i actually have on the world around me.
but that won't happen. i know it won't. and i'm rambling. i guess i really don't want to go back to reading up on rome.
but i've learned something today, I am fine. If jon calls me i'll be fine. if he doesn't, i'll be fine. time heals all wounds, especially shallow ones. I'll always be fond of the arrogant prick, but I'm not going to waste time on him after this week that could be better spent doing... anything else, really. lolo. yes, some bitterness remains.
yes, so coke is a spermicide. good to know.
have fun everyone, that right there is the secret of life. i think so at least today i think so.
megan
this is my financial horoscope, i read it after deciding that an hour and a half of straight reading intitled me to a break. i found this kind of .... eerie.
anyhoo, here is the deal
i am sick, major sore throat and coughing and hacking and blah.
i text messaged jon on sunday asking if he had time for coffee some time in the next three days (sun/mon/tues) i have not heard from him. much as i'd like to dismiss it as simply him ignoring me and thus i can call him a jackass, i don't see what the point would be in that. i mean, he adamantly wanted to remain friends, and he always seemed trustworthy when it came to responding to messages or calls. thus, tomorrow if he still hasn't replied i will be calling him (while he's at work so i just have to leave a message of course) and asking if he got me message or not and what the fuck? and then who knows? maybe he'll be dead. maybe he'll say, leave me alone, maybe he didn't get the message and is interested in coffee after all. i really don't know which i would prefer. i'm waiting i guess, like i always am with him it seems, to see what happens. impowerment my ass.
getting together with stephen wednesday. ouch, i just realized that if i work on thursday like i want to then both wednesday and thursday i'm up at 5, on the go til about 9 or 10 each nite. oh well, it's his birthday so he's worth it :D besides, i get a lax friday. well, kind of.
on friday i get together with candice then i get together with colin. i doubt i'll go to that christmas party, being ostracized by my mates for basically not being there a bunch and finding them all a bunch of boorish snobs. i'm so nice.
saturday i work 8-4, then possibly doing something with trent, possibly going to the bar with mandy. it's funny, since i'm going to the bar with candice in.... 19 days, i want to go with mandy one last time type thing. lolo. should be interesting, to say the least. if we go.
trent. what can i say? he is nice, he treats me with respect, he calls ME, he understands i'm busy, he LISTENS to me, and REMEMBERS things i tell him. he has a good job. he seems to have the same values as me. he would make a good husband. but i don't WANT a husband. i'm not cut out for long term relationships. my previous experiences with jon and stephen prove that to me because it's like, i always need drama. i constantly need to be paid attention to and to be made to feel adored. that doesn't happen in most relationships after extended periods of time. in my experience what happens is that the two involved take each other for granted and get bored of each other. i doubt there is a guy out there who would be happy having a million ups and downs in a relationship just because otherwise, i get bored. iunno, where is martin my french army dude when i need him>?
lolo, yes. so megan is lonely, but happy. it's weird that i'm happier than i've been in two years and yet there is still this lonliness thing going on. I've been lonely my whole life, even when among friends. well, a lot of times i'll forget loneliness when i'm with friends, but then as soon as they are gone i want to call them back to prevent myself from being alone.
yes, so i don't understand myself, what else is new? sometimes i wish i had never met certain people in my life, that certain things hadn't happened. but then i think, if i hadn't, whose to say that i'd be where i am now? and if i'm not here now, how can the future be as great as i'm sure it's going to be? i mean, talk about hopeless optimism. i'm certain that somewhere down the line i'll fall head over heels in love with someone worthy of me, i'll be financially secure, i'll be happy. but really, won't the rest of my life still be plagued with self-doubt and what ifs? i mean, this is how i've lived for the past 19 years, whose to say suddenly i'll have this brilliant epiphany and love everyone and everything in my life? but at the same time i realize that i've changed. i'm mellower i guess. value friends and connections more. even that stupid mandy bitch who owes me money!!! :P
what would the world be like without me? it's a wonderful life should happen to me. i'd really like to see what effect i actually have on the world around me.
but that won't happen. i know it won't. and i'm rambling. i guess i really don't want to go back to reading up on rome.
but i've learned something today, I am fine. If jon calls me i'll be fine. if he doesn't, i'll be fine. time heals all wounds, especially shallow ones. I'll always be fond of the arrogant prick, but I'm not going to waste time on him after this week that could be better spent doing... anything else, really. lolo. yes, some bitterness remains.
yes, so coke is a spermicide. good to know.
have fun everyone, that right there is the secret of life. i think so at least today i think so.
megan