ah
i guess im kind of upset. im worried what is going to happen. i feel like they are all so distant so suddenly and i dont know why. i wish i knew what was going on. im sure they talked a ton about me yesterday and im sure it was all things they wouldnt say if i was there. and i dont know why. i realize ive been different. and i am changing that. ive become everyhitng i hated. egotistical. i didnt mean to. so im changing. but how about them? will they change? im not the only one who is being weird. i feel really sick to my stomach right now. this band is all i do. it's one of the most important things to me. that cant change. it cant.