Day 1 of Winter Break 'o7
Pretty much the majority of my past entries have been about you. And about our situation. And some entries, I've written about how I need to stop. How i need to get over it, be done with it, be done with you. And then entries after will be about how I'm just going to let things go the way they do. I'm going to accept that things are the way they are and not complain about it. And now? I'm going to accept what i've believed the whole time. That THIS IS WRONG. and this NEEDS to stop. I've let you let me believe the right in this situation, I've let you let me believe you don't care about anything else then what's going on between us, And i've let you .. let you have me. But I'm being 110% honest right now, because "Honesty is crucial to this secret relationship" This is over. There's nothing right about this situation &; I'm super ashamed that i've let it get this far. I mean, it's been absolutely amazing, especially in the beginning, but recently it's just made me feel stressed. unhappy, etc. Seriously, the five minutes of being around eachother last night ; i felt more pressure & unfree then I have the whole five nights &; six days i haven't seen you. To be 110% honest, the five nights &; six days I haven't had you around, I've felt more free & more of myself then I have in the past month &; a half. That tells you something. That tells me something. It's done. I don't know how things are going to exactly end between us, I don't know where things will go from here, but I'm finished. I'm tired of lying. I'm tired of keeping secrets that are eating me up inside. I think part of the reason I held onto you so long was not only the pleasures of having you around, but because I felt there was a friendship I wanted to save. But honestly now, I'd rather lose a friendship then lose my dignity, pride, &; most all: myself.
NOW THAT I VENTED THAT OUT;
Break couldn't have come any faster. I'm so glad schools over for two weeks. I really needed this break, I really need this break. To get away from people &; in place be with people I want to see &; be around, &; breaks always help me find myself when times are hard &; things are rough; which is how things have been for me recently. But that's all in the past. Out with the old &; in with the new. This upcoming year, The year of 2008, The year I graduate, is going to be a new year in a week &; a half, and for once in my life I think i'm really going to try &; make things different. Make things change, for the benefit of myself. A clean slate, a fresh plate. I'm ready.
NOW THAT I VENTED THAT OUT;
Break couldn't have come any faster. I'm so glad schools over for two weeks. I really needed this break, I really need this break. To get away from people &; in place be with people I want to see &; be around, &; breaks always help me find myself when times are hard &; things are rough; which is how things have been for me recently. But that's all in the past. Out with the old &; in with the new. This upcoming year, The year of 2008, The year I graduate, is going to be a new year in a week &; a half, and for once in my life I think i'm really going to try &; make things different. Make things change, for the benefit of myself. A clean slate, a fresh plate. I'm ready.