Running in Circles
A creative writing teacher - one of my first - once told me that my "thoughts circle without landing." That phrase has stuck with me (along with one an editor said about my work years ago: that it's "too emphatically personal"). In times of great anxiety (or perhaps, inertia), like right now, that is certainly the case. And in these times, I can always count on the inevitable insomnia, during which those thoughts circle around inconsequential things, as a way to avoid the Very Big Problems. Last night and into today, rather than *working* I spent far too much time meditating on the same question I was considering back in October: whether I might be finished with these journals here on LJ. And I think I can finally say that no, I'm not. At least, not yet.
With that in mind, and the knowledge that this is basically the only writing I'm likely to do anymore, I am going to attempt to be more present here. It is much needed. Even if it's all emphatically personal and just for my own well being. Besides my lack of time and that I barely can stay above water, the other big obstacle is that much of what I most need to verbalize is just too confessional, even for my dearest of friends, not something I care to burden anyone with. So oddly, I've returned to the beginning for that catharsis, my trusty old paper journal. It's a unfamiliar and uncomfortable medium (emotionally and literally - ouch! all that pen holding!), but with that and these places, perhaps I will find my path back to a voice. A Self.
And hopefully, lunavessel will have something to say soon as well...
With that in mind, and the knowledge that this is basically the only writing I'm likely to do anymore, I am going to attempt to be more present here. It is much needed. Even if it's all emphatically personal and just for my own well being. Besides my lack of time and that I barely can stay above water, the other big obstacle is that much of what I most need to verbalize is just too confessional, even for my dearest of friends, not something I care to burden anyone with. So oddly, I've returned to the beginning for that catharsis, my trusty old paper journal. It's a unfamiliar and uncomfortable medium (emotionally and literally - ouch! all that pen holding!), but with that and these places, perhaps I will find my path back to a voice. A Self.
And hopefully, lunavessel will have something to say soon as well...