(no subject)
I have come to a point in my life where I am starting to accomplish my goals and somewhat succeeding at them. Never thought that would happen but I guess its about time.
Relationships are more of a struggle. There are more things to fight about when you live together, more time spent together than ever, and more teamwork because you just can't do everything by yourself. Brandon is different from any other person I have ever dated. All of my boyfriends have been on the same emotional level as me. They have always suffered from depression or have seen it play a great role in their lives.
Ben had a sister that had severe issues with depression. The family had gone through a bunch of counseling and Ben had been exposed to the "dark" side of the mind. He was able to console me and keep a level head when I would freak out. Eventually he turned arrogant and rude and we split up. I look back now and realize that we were not ment to be together and that moving on was the best solution.
Martin, I do believe, was my soulmate. We had the same scars, the same problems, we were twins in a weird way. We fell in love within a few days and shared a connection that was eerie. The honeymoon was over after a few months and I found it hard to breathe. We acted the same. Both immature, running away from eachother, not talking to eachother, dong drugs to escape the world and one another. I could not handle dealing with somone so much like myself. Yet, I could not quite him. And I tried so much. After we "broke up", no one guy could disconnect the connection we had. Brandon was the ony guy that was able to cut me off from Martin completely. So although I belive that Martin was my soulmate, I believe that we weren't ment to be together. We were too much alike to withstand eachother and that is ok with me.
Brandon is a different story. We are on different levels. I feel he never "gets" me and that frusterates us both. I am not used to explaining my actions. Ben and Martin knew the right thing to do at the right time, they knew how I worked. Brandon isn't like that. I hope that as time goes by, he will be. I love that boy more than Ben and Martin combined. I honestly think that it was love at first sight, but I would never tell him that :). I am happy right now, a little lost, but happy. I love Brandon and I hope that he will be able to handle me long enough for me to settle down. I want to be with him forever and I hope he knows that.