(no subject)
Still no word from Casey. My cell phone died, so I don't even know if he's tried to call me. I need to get my charger tonight. But I doubt he did. I'm so scared. What if he doesn't remember last night? What if he regrets it? I personally thought that, from the point where we kissed, it was the best Valentine's Day I've ever had. But what if he just did all that because he's drunk? What if it was only his friends urging us to get back together, not actually him?
Oh God, I want him back so much. Last night was so awesome. It was like the Twilight Zone. It was just me and him, red light pouring over us, me practically falling down and in a state of intoxication and euphoria at having it go back to old times. I was in a whole different world where it was just me and Casey, and it was back to old times, and we were kissing after I hadn't kissed him in a good five months. And I just forgot about everything. I just...surrendered, kind of. And then I kept on going back for more.
But I'm so scared that the moment will have been for nothing. That he was just drunk, just lonely, just horny. What if it meant nothing to him? It meant so much to me to finally be back in his arms, back with us kissing, back in his house...and maybe he doesn't want me after all. Maybe it was just a Valentine's Day fling to him. Maybe it was a mistake to him. And it was what I had fantasized about for a long time, and everyone in that house knew it. I kissed Dave for a few seconds and pulled away. I didn't kiss Kurt at all. But when Casey just came upto me, put his arms around me, and pulled me into a kiss without even asking for consent, I didn't fight or pull away or end it. I just went willingly and kept going, and then I kissed him again after that.
I miss him.
Please...god, just please let him want to be back together. I couldn't stand it if he ignores me after this and acts like nothing happened.
Oh God, I want him back so much. Last night was so awesome. It was like the Twilight Zone. It was just me and him, red light pouring over us, me practically falling down and in a state of intoxication and euphoria at having it go back to old times. I was in a whole different world where it was just me and Casey, and it was back to old times, and we were kissing after I hadn't kissed him in a good five months. And I just forgot about everything. I just...surrendered, kind of. And then I kept on going back for more.
But I'm so scared that the moment will have been for nothing. That he was just drunk, just lonely, just horny. What if it meant nothing to him? It meant so much to me to finally be back in his arms, back with us kissing, back in his house...and maybe he doesn't want me after all. Maybe it was just a Valentine's Day fling to him. Maybe it was a mistake to him. And it was what I had fantasized about for a long time, and everyone in that house knew it. I kissed Dave for a few seconds and pulled away. I didn't kiss Kurt at all. But when Casey just came upto me, put his arms around me, and pulled me into a kiss without even asking for consent, I didn't fight or pull away or end it. I just went willingly and kept going, and then I kissed him again after that.
I miss him.
Please...god, just please let him want to be back together. I couldn't stand it if he ignores me after this and acts like nothing happened.