My angel 10/?
My angel - part 10
Author: AbbyGibbs
Disclaimer: Well, I do not own them and that is pretty unfair - they again belong to DPB! Why does he always have to own the best shows and the best characters? Could someone explain that to me? His characters are always suffering too much. So I have decided to borrow them for a little while, the length of a story, but I promise to give them back though I really wish I could keep them for myself.
Classification: Abby/Gibbs stuff. Angst, tragedy. Romance.
Rating: T (+13 as always to be on the safe side, isn’t it?)
Spoilers: “Framed Up”, season 3
Summary: What would have happened if Sheppard hadn’t brought that folder in time? What if Chip had hurt Abby?
A/N: Thank you everyone for the reviews, as you know they mean a lot to me. Thank you also to all those who keep putting the story in their favorites or put it in story alerts. I hope you will like this new chapter as well, what will happen from now on, will the relationship between Abby and Gibbs finally take up to a new lever now that she heard what Gibbs told Tony?
Will she finally tell him why she had to feign her death or will she keep the secret to the very last moment?
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PREVIOUSLY ON MY ANGEL
Beneath them, Abby cursed herself for what she's put her friends through, but she also cursed herself for being so smart and curious. If she hadn't figured things out, they wouldn’t be in that situation. On the other hand if she hadn't, they might be all dead by now - except for Tony who'd would lived longer because he'd be in prison waiting for his execution for the murder of his colleagues.
Abby promised herself that when all this was over she would tell her friends how much she loved them every day and would definitely show Gibbs how much she loves him every day for the rest of her life.
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Ten
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. -- Helen Keller
As Abby heard the front door close, she closed her eyes... new tears were rolling down her cheeks and she start to wonder how many she would cry again. She had done everything with the only purpose to protect them, but not once second had she thought of the consequences.
Well that wasn't entirely true either, she had been thinking of what the situation would bring with: chagrin, tears, and incomprehension, and lots of other things, Abby had known it would be hard, but not that hard. As she heard how much Tony was hurt because of the decision she had made, she had wanted so much to run upstairs and hug Tony, telling him it was all a lie that she was pretty much alive, but she knew she couldn't.
If she did it would have meant exposing the team. Abby hoped though that her friends would find the strength to forgive her, it's not because Gibbs forgave her that the others would. She feared that Tony wouldn't. They were so close, they normally told each other everything and this time she hadn't said a word to him… instead she had chosen to come to Gibbs.
Abby wondered why she did what she did. What were her real motivations behind her decision? They had specifically told them that if she tried to tell anyone about what she'd found out it would signified that she had signed the team's death warrant. So why did she take the risk to tell Gibbs the truth? What it because he meant so much more to her than she wanted to admit to herself that she couldn't bear the fact that he thought she was dead when she wasn't?
Abby didn't really know. Wait... Wait... Suddenly, remembering a particular thing her ears had picked up in the conversation that Gibbs and Tony had had.
Losing Abby has broken me, DiNozzo. I'm pissed at myself since it happened, I keep telling myself I'm responsible for what's happened, I should have seen it coming, I should have insisted that Abby didn't need an assistant to help her in the lab, but I didn't. I let the Director have her way, and now Abby's dead. She died because of me. She died before I was able to tell her that I was in love with her. And all that because I was too damn scared of what I felt and still feel for her. I love her so much it hurts DiNozzo, I feel as if someone has ripped my heart out of my chest for the second time...
Gibbs loves me.
Gibbs loves me. Abby knew the real meaning behind his words, Gibbs loved her like a lover, the forensic scientist of NCIS didn't know why, she just knew, though she could feel doubts rise inside. Tears rolled down her cheeks once again; since all this had started she didn't trust anyone anymore, not even herself. She had landed onto an emotion rollercoaster that was driving her crazy and making her feel vulnerable and she hated that.
Abby didn't feel safe anymore and she wanted that feeling back more than any other. Gibbs's presence only was able to bring her that sense of security more than anything else in the world and the moment she saw him again the magic worked; she felt as if nothing would happen to her as long as she was with him.
000
When Gibbs went to his basement again, he found Abby sitting on the steps, holding her head in her hands. The leader of the finest NCIS team just stood there at the top of the stairs looking down at her small frame that was shaken up by her crying. Taking a deep breath Gibbs climb down the stairs, coming to a halt next to her, he sat in silence waiting for her to calm down a bit.
He wanted so badly to put his arm around her shoulder but he didn't. He wanted her to tell him everything now. After what he had said to DiNozzo about what he had felt when he thought he had lost Abby forever, Gibbs realized that he loved her, really did love her, but he couldn't think about even trying to give them a chance if she didn't trust him enough to tell him was really at stake.
As Abby finally managed to calm down enough, she slowly put her hands and arms around her legs, and lay her head on her knees. "I'm so sorry, Gibbs."
"Abby stop saying that you are sorry. I know that by now. What I really need you to do is tell me what's going on. I can't not decide what to do or help if I don't know what's going on, Abbs!"
"Gibbs...." She started, but he cut her off.
"I know you said you'd tell me when the time is right, but I think the time is right now! I really think I have the right to know why I have to let them suffer like this by keeping them in the dark about the fact you're still alive Abbs. I've been through hell and back when I thought you were dead, at some moments I still think you're a ghost or something because I held you in my arms Abbs and you felt so cold. And now you're here talking to me, telling me I can't tell your best friend that you aren't dead! Why Abby?"
"I love you, Gibbs," she said simply.
He looked back at her surprised by her confession. He loved her too so much, but he wasn't really ready to discuss that matter at the moment. Gibbs needed to know what he could do to make everything go back to normal in their lives again because he hated to have to witness the agony and incomprehension in the eyes of his team members.
"Abby..." He said, but she stopped him from going any further by raising a hand in front of him.
"I do, Gibbs that's why I did it. I love every single one of you, you'll like family. I did it all because I don't want to lose you. It was the most difficult thing I had to do, but if I had to do it again I would. I just hope from the bottom of my heart that you will find it in your heart to forgive me one day, but you are right you deserve an explanation."
Standing up, Abby walked down the last steps before turning toward him, "Got any bourbon left?"
"Yeah." Gibbs answered as he stood as well to climb down the steps. Once he was standing on the basement floor he heads to a shelf where he retrieves the bottle of amber liquid. Reaching out, Abby takes the bottled from him.
"You should drink first if you want some because I'm still "contaminated" - once I've put my lips on the neck of this bottle you can't drink out of it anymore.” she said with a sad smile.
What Gibbs answers her next, surprises her, and makes that little sparkle in her stomach come to life again.
"Right now, I wish I could be that bottle." Gibbs says in a voice she's never heard in use before, and it makes a shiver roll along her spine.
Abby's reaction is to smile at him in a very sexy way forcing him to find a way to distract himself from her, because if he doesn't he'll do something very stupid.
A few more hours, he thinks to himself.
A few more hours, Abby reminds herself.
000
Tony had all the difficulties in the world to get over his best friend's death, and hearing Gibbs confess his feelings for Abby hadn't helped at all. Now here he was in his apartment, drinking some bourbon, and though he knew it wouldn't help, right now he didn't care, cause all he wanted was to try to daze himself enough in hope the images of Abby dying in his arms would fade away completely, at least for a little while.
Those images suddenly seemed so vivid; this is so not how he had hoped things would go. Abby and he often discussed things at night, like friends would do or like a brother and sister would do in families where the bond is really tight, and during one of those nights, Abby had told him that she had romantic feelings for Gibbs to which Tony had retorted that he suspected something like that.
"Oh God is it so obvious?" She had asked, him, as her cheeks took a slight shade of red.
"Only for someone who really knows you, Abbs." Tony chuckled
"You think he knows?"
"Possibly though if he does he's not showing."
"Tony, Gibbs is an expert at hiding his feelings, it's almost impossible to read anything on his face."
"Tell me about it. I never know what's going in on in that mind of his. Ducky once told me that Gibbs used to be like me. Can you imagine that?"
"Yeah, actually, I can. Don't you remember how he was during the Kyle Boone case? He was so pissed... and when I entered the room neighboring the interrogation room, he made such a face, when he looked at me after he had stared at Boone for I don't know how long it broke my heart. I always imagined Gibbs like you actually. I guess life changed him, but it changes all of us."
"You're probably right."
Abby would never know he loved her too. We always think we have all the time in the world, when in reality we just a have a small fraction of it before it's all over. DiNozzo couldn't stop thinking about it.
He took another sip of amber liquid and closed his eyes as it rolled down its throat leaving a burning sensation in its trail.
000
Abby brought her lips to the bottle and let the alcohol run down her throat and closed her eyes. She didn't see Gibbs but she could sense him watching her.
He seemed hypnotized by the sight of her drinking out of a bottle and like he had told her he wished he could be the bottle she was holding in her hand. As he was looking at her, images imprinted themselves in his mind. He had her naked, his hands roaming her gorgeous body while their lips would meet in a passionate, ravaging kiss.
Darting his tongue out, he licked his lips and he swallowed hard. Gibbs wondered where it all came from...It most definitely came from the fact that he had thought she was dead, and know that she was actually very alive standing in front of him, all the emotions and feelings were edging on the surface. Anyway, Jethro was sure of one thing; he wanted her with every fiber of his being. And when he would finally be able to touch her, he would show it to her.
"Gibbs?" He heard her voice calling him from afar.
"Hmm?" He sort of moaned to her as a response which resulted in Abby laughing.
"Are you with me?"
"I'm definitely with you, Abbs"
Abby smirked at him. "You sure? You seemed to be far away from here."
"Positive." He smirked back.
Here they were once again flirting back and forth as if nothing had ever happened, both willingly avoiding facing the harsh reality of the situation they had been forced in for a moment.
Both gazing at each other intensely, their eyes were saying so much what no word could have voice.
"About a week before Chip stabbed me, I found out why he got to NCIS, the reason he wanted to get hired by specifically Sheppard and become my assistant. I didn't want to believe it, so I checked again and again and even made a DNA test to be absolutely sure, and then I locked my findings away. Unfortunately someone managed to break in, I guess because when you brought me home, I found a note with a big envelope..." Abby's voice broke then and she paused.
Gibbs walked slowly toward her; he stopped as he stood right behind her. And placed both hands on her shoulders...
"Easy, Abbs take your time, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." He told her softly.
It took Gibbs' favorite girl a few more minutes before she could regain enough strength and courage to be able to continue her story.
How am I gonna tell him what I have to? He will hate me after that. What if he doesn't understand? All those questions where worries to her, and she couldn't stop the tears that where running down her cheeks.
"Promise me you won't hate me." She made him promise in a voice full of mixed emotions.
Now Gibbs was starting to get worried. And he slowly made her turn so she would face him, and he hopes that like this, he would be able to find the truth in them.
"Abby whatever it is, you have to tell me. I won't hate you for it, I could never hate you." Gibbs told her soothingly.
Abby looked at him through watery eyes.
"I'm sure you will." Abby said in a broken voice
"I could never hate you Abbs..." Gibbs paused, hesitating. He took a deep breath and took the jump that would change the game that was their lives forever, but it felt to him that he had to tell her, to really make her understand that he could never hate her no matter what. She needed to know to hear the truth and most of all he needed to tell her the world, he hadn't said to anyone and definitely not a woman for so long. "I love you." Gibbs said loud and clear as he watched her intently in the eyes so she could see the truth in his eyes.
Abby looked at him, and didn't move an inch as silence fell over the basement. Abby closed her eyes then before taking a deep breath and continuing the story of why she had taken such a difficult decision.
"God knows why I did, but before opening the envelope or reading the note, I reached for gloves, put them on and only then did I take the big brown paper that was addressed to me and open it. The envelope contained pictures, of all the members of team but me. The shots were taken in a way that it let no doubts in my mind that you were all watched, like when Tony took down all the photos at Mikel Mawher's place, remember?"
Gibbs nodded his head "I remember all too well"
But it is the last picture that was in there that made my blood run cold, it was a photoshopped picture of you bleeding, there was blood all around you and your body showed multiple impacts of gunshots, Gibbs. My body started to shake so bad, I almost fell. When I finally managed to regain control of my brain after the shock of seeing the photo, I reached for the note.
It said: IF YOU DON'T STAY OUT OF GIBBS' LIFE, THE LAST PICTURE WILL BE DUPLICATED OVER AND OVER AGAIN, WITH DIFFERENT PEOPLE BLEEDING OUT TO DEATH AND I WILL START WITH THE ONES YOU LOVE THE MOST.
I didn't know what do at first. I was so scared, I wanted to tell you, but the moment I went out someone came and handed me a picture of myself taken the moment I stepped out of your car, so I knew it was really serious. I found a way to contact Fornell by disguising myself. I showed him the pictures and he suggested staging my own death so whoever's plan it was to get his hands on you would come out of the dark and do something and be caught. Fornell brought me to a safe house guarded by FBI agents, but I managed to get out." She stopped telling the story once more to take another sip of bourbon from the bottle that she was still holding in her hand.
"Abby, why do you come to me anyway?" He asked her visibly troubled by what she just had told him.
Abby looked at him after she had come back from the work table where she had just set down the bottle after she had taken yet another sip of the burning amber liquid.
"Because... Gibbs... I couldn't stay away from you" She simply stated.
The NCIS special agent he was could sense though that Abby was holding something back.
"There's more to it, Abbs, I know it, so spill."
She sighed; she couldn't hide anything for him. "I knew I was taking a big risk the moment I decided to come to you and tell you the truth, but I also know that you are a real expert on hiding your emotions and feelings Gibbs, so I thought... And you proved me right with the conversation you had with Tony. He had no idea I was down into the basement. You're capable of being cold hearted Gibbs. That's why I came back to you." She told as her eyes watered again.
Gibbs looked at her, visibly pained by her words, but he also know she was speaking the truth; he was able to shield himself from the outside world, to show no feelings at all. He had been trained to do so, and had kept training himself after the tragedy he went through when he came back only to meet an empty house because someone had taken his wife and daughter's lives.
"Abby...." He said, but she cut him off.
"See, I told you, you would hate me." She breathed as she turned away from him.
"I don't hate you," he said, reaching out to grab her arms, preventing her from walking further away from him.
Turning her so she would face him again he added. "You a rational and logical decision, I would have done the same." He told her as a smile found a way to his face to reinforce his words.
"I'm sorry, Gibbs...."
"I don't want to hear that word coming out your mouth ever again."
"Can't do that because that's the way I feel Gibbs."
Gibbs sighed heavily, there was no use. "We need to find a way to get you back inside of NCIS, I need you there. We all need you there."
"How? No one can know who I really am, otherwise...."
"I know." Gibbs said smirking, a twinkle appearing in his eyes as he found an idea to bring his forensic scientist back to NCIS without anyone knowing who she really was.
To be continued...
Thanks for reading.