[Complete] Invisible Chains- Chapter 28
Chapter 28
We had moved ourselves to the living room. Aiba-san brought out a pack of beer while I stuck with water. I had drunk a lot of beer previously at the sushi restaurant so I already had my fill of alcohol for the day. I sat on the floor in front of the coffee table while Aiba-san sat on the sofa to my right. I noticed his head started to sway slightly and knew that he was on the tipping point between sober and drunk. I looked at him and then back to the table. I was trying to figure out what to say next. It was obvious that he didn’t want to have a conversation with me since he never replied to my questions, but he never said anything to shoo me away.
“I heard from Ibaraki-san that you would always go to the orphanage at least once a year to see if you could get a chance to see Mariko. No matter if it was rain or shine, you would visit with gifts and food for them. On top of that you would play with them even if you were tired the previous day.” Aiba-san said as he played with his opened beer can. I lowered my eyes and smiled to myself. There was a part of me that pitied the children at the orphanage since they were either abandoned or lost their parents. I know that my gifts and food is not enough to fill the voids in their hearts but at least, I want to make sure that others can love them.
“Ibaraki-san is a hard shell to crack. No matter what I did, she wouldn’t release Mariko’s whereabouts to me. Eventually, I stopped focusing on Mariko and decided that if I happened to meet her then it was meant to be but if I didn’t, then I would visit for the children.” I said and rested my chin on my knees as I wrapped my arms around my legs. Aiba-san slowly nodded his head before he let out a short laugh. “I didn’t think of you to be someone who likes children.” He confessed. I also let out a short laugh and looked at him. “I wasn’t at first. They kept bugging me to play with them or to do something with them. But slowly over time, I figured that the children were living out their childhood to the fullest. Their imaginations were beyond to what I had experienced when I was their ages. So I decided that I should live out my childhood with them.”
“Hmm…” He said quietly and then sipped on his beer. Our conversation quickly died down and both of us sat in silence. I clenched my jaw tightly as I felt the awkwardness between us. Even a corporate meeting wasn't as silent as what I was going through. I let out a sigh. If Aiba-san didn’t want to talk then there was no point of wasting time to sit with him. I got up and picked up my glass off from the coffee table. “Well I’m going to get some sleep then.” I said and started to head towards the kitchen to place the cup in the sink, when suddenly Aiba-san grabbed my wrist. I tossed my head and looked at him with widened eyes. What is he doing? Why did he suddenly grab onto me?
“Stay with me. Just stay.” He whispered. I could feel his hands were trembling. I furrowed my eyebrows. Why does he want me to stay? Clearly I had gotten the message that he didn’t want me to be there so why is he asking for the opposite? His indecisive mind was started to annoy me. “First you don’t even answer me and now you want me to stay? Aiba-san I know it’s none of my business but you have to pick one.” Then I noticed his change of expression. He looked bitter and in pain. “Or if your reason is good enough, I might consider staying. So which one is it?” I added. He slowly slid his hand off of my wrist.
I walked into the kitchen and placed my cup in the sink when I looked in the living room to see Aiba-san crawled up into a ball on the sofa. I bit my lower lip. My conscious told me that I should approach him again but my mind was telling me that I should get some sleep before heading back to Tokyo. I dropped my shoulders as I exhaled. I had no other choice. I knew my conscious was going to bug me for the rest of the next and maybe for the entire week. I knew it was going to make me regret my decision if I chose to go with my mind.
I walked up to Aiba-san and then sat beside him. “I know everything may be difficult to take in. Even I had a hard time while I was driving to think that you're my imouto’s oniisan. It’s really extraordinary when I think of it. You are you the only one that knows a few of my secrets and yet here we are, connected by something else. If Ninomiya-san didn’t pester me about my feelings for you then-“ As I spoke, I quickly felt a warm embrace. I stopped speaking to turn my head to see Aiba-san hugging me. I widened my eyes. I wanted to push him away and yell at him. However, that all changed when I felt tears falling down on my back.
I didn’t know what he was crying for but I guessed that it was about Mariko. I think he too was having a hard time coping with his mother’s death and Mariko had turned into a hikikomori. I believed that everything was too much for him. He is the eldest son in the house and the main foundation of the family. He had to be there for everyone and had hardly any time for himself. He also had to switch himself often, from his real self to his celebrity self. He wasn’t exactly allowed to show any emotions or thousands of people would worry for him, and that would be a huge burden. Mariko decided to take the easy way out while Aiba-san couldn’t do that. But if he had that option, I think he would have done the same.
Slowly I raised my hands and wrapped my arms around him, bringing his body into my embrace. For some reason I wanted to comfort him and tell him that it was going to be all right. I understood very well that losing your mother makes a huge impact on someone’s life. They are your first line of support and always the first person you think of.
Aiba-san took himself off of me and went back to his previous position. With his head lowered, I couldn’t exactly tell if he was nervous, embarrassed or still crying. “How did you cope with your okaasan’s death?” Aiba-san asked quietly. I pursed my lips and lowered my head. Why did he have to ask me that question? Why does he want to know? “I…” I opened my mouth; ready to talk when I couldn’t speak. Does he want to hear something that he wants to hear or what actually happened?
Truthfully, I didn’t cry at my mother’s funeral. I hadn’t shed a single tear because my hatred for her was more than my love for her. While my relatives showed some tears like they were in a drama, I remained silent and didn’t show any grief. Even the next day I showed up work and acted like usual. I knew some people called me a witch, a devil and a snow queen behind my back but I didn’t care. They didn’t know how my mother acted at home and they didn’t know about her abandoning my sister so she could please my father. They knew nothing about those things and they thought they had the right to judge me.
Even though we may express out feelings differently, I decided to stay true to my heart. If he is willing to take my advice then it’s his choice. I knew I wasn’t wrong. “I worked. I dove my head into company business that I was too busy to have time to think about her. I held a long grudge on her for leaving Mariko at an orphanage. Also I hated when she would prioritize her work when I was child and she left childcare work to the nannies, maids and butlers. My parents were not even parents at all. They felt like it was just a status them. So when I found out my okaasan died. I never cried, I never showed sympathy and I never showed that I cared about her. All I did was send her off. I felt like she didn’t deserve my heartfelt feelings.”
I folded my arms and rested my head on the sofa to stare up at the ceiling. “Even though I have these ill feelings against her, there are some memories that I enjoy and cherish. She was the one whom bought clothes for me, attempted to make my favorite foods and also sew in my name for my school clothes in secret. Maybe you could say she wasn’t the best okaasan or the ideal type but she enabled me to be the person whom I am today. Do I regret some of the things she has done, yes in a way. But she also allowed me figure out how the world works on my own. If I was babied my entire life or easily handed of the things I need to do then I wouldn’t even be able to think about standing on the same stage as my otosan in his company. I wouldn’t be able to prove to others, especially the stockholders, of my capabilities and intelligence that I have to manage a company. Also I would have been lost and gone off road many times with my life. I think I would have heavily relied on others, and struggled to figure out what I wanted to do. I wouldn’t have that much perseverance as what I have now. Now that I think about it, maybe there are some things that I’m thankful for my okaasan for.” I let out a short laugh and turned my head to Aiba-san. He looked at me with weary eyes filled with sadness. It looked like he was going to cry again.
I made a small smile and turned my head back to stare at the ceiling. I said as I started to become lost in my thoughts. “Coping with death isn’t easy for everyone since everyone has different ways of coping. Just figuring it out and using it, will help with the process of moving on to be easier. You have family members that you can talk to that may be able to help. Even if you’re shy or embarrassed, I heard that sharing your thoughts and feelings is a good way to relieve whatever is on your mind.” Before I started to rant on again, I suddenly felt something warm on my shoulder. I turned my head to notice Aiba-san’s sleeping as he rested his head on my shoulder.
I let out a sigh and then a chuckle. The beer had finally knocked him out or my talk was too boring. Either way, as I thought about my mother and my own feelings, I discovered something new about myself. Why did I want to work for my father’s company when I could have been an excellent psychiatrist instead?
We had moved ourselves to the living room. Aiba-san brought out a pack of beer while I stuck with water. I had drunk a lot of beer previously at the sushi restaurant so I already had my fill of alcohol for the day. I sat on the floor in front of the coffee table while Aiba-san sat on the sofa to my right. I noticed his head started to sway slightly and knew that he was on the tipping point between sober and drunk. I looked at him and then back to the table. I was trying to figure out what to say next. It was obvious that he didn’t want to have a conversation with me since he never replied to my questions, but he never said anything to shoo me away.
“I heard from Ibaraki-san that you would always go to the orphanage at least once a year to see if you could get a chance to see Mariko. No matter if it was rain or shine, you would visit with gifts and food for them. On top of that you would play with them even if you were tired the previous day.” Aiba-san said as he played with his opened beer can. I lowered my eyes and smiled to myself. There was a part of me that pitied the children at the orphanage since they were either abandoned or lost their parents. I know that my gifts and food is not enough to fill the voids in their hearts but at least, I want to make sure that others can love them.
“Ibaraki-san is a hard shell to crack. No matter what I did, she wouldn’t release Mariko’s whereabouts to me. Eventually, I stopped focusing on Mariko and decided that if I happened to meet her then it was meant to be but if I didn’t, then I would visit for the children.” I said and rested my chin on my knees as I wrapped my arms around my legs. Aiba-san slowly nodded his head before he let out a short laugh. “I didn’t think of you to be someone who likes children.” He confessed. I also let out a short laugh and looked at him. “I wasn’t at first. They kept bugging me to play with them or to do something with them. But slowly over time, I figured that the children were living out their childhood to the fullest. Their imaginations were beyond to what I had experienced when I was their ages. So I decided that I should live out my childhood with them.”
“Hmm…” He said quietly and then sipped on his beer. Our conversation quickly died down and both of us sat in silence. I clenched my jaw tightly as I felt the awkwardness between us. Even a corporate meeting wasn't as silent as what I was going through. I let out a sigh. If Aiba-san didn’t want to talk then there was no point of wasting time to sit with him. I got up and picked up my glass off from the coffee table. “Well I’m going to get some sleep then.” I said and started to head towards the kitchen to place the cup in the sink, when suddenly Aiba-san grabbed my wrist. I tossed my head and looked at him with widened eyes. What is he doing? Why did he suddenly grab onto me?
“Stay with me. Just stay.” He whispered. I could feel his hands were trembling. I furrowed my eyebrows. Why does he want me to stay? Clearly I had gotten the message that he didn’t want me to be there so why is he asking for the opposite? His indecisive mind was started to annoy me. “First you don’t even answer me and now you want me to stay? Aiba-san I know it’s none of my business but you have to pick one.” Then I noticed his change of expression. He looked bitter and in pain. “Or if your reason is good enough, I might consider staying. So which one is it?” I added. He slowly slid his hand off of my wrist.
I walked into the kitchen and placed my cup in the sink when I looked in the living room to see Aiba-san crawled up into a ball on the sofa. I bit my lower lip. My conscious told me that I should approach him again but my mind was telling me that I should get some sleep before heading back to Tokyo. I dropped my shoulders as I exhaled. I had no other choice. I knew my conscious was going to bug me for the rest of the next and maybe for the entire week. I knew it was going to make me regret my decision if I chose to go with my mind.
I walked up to Aiba-san and then sat beside him. “I know everything may be difficult to take in. Even I had a hard time while I was driving to think that you're my imouto’s oniisan. It’s really extraordinary when I think of it. You are you the only one that knows a few of my secrets and yet here we are, connected by something else. If Ninomiya-san didn’t pester me about my feelings for you then-“ As I spoke, I quickly felt a warm embrace. I stopped speaking to turn my head to see Aiba-san hugging me. I widened my eyes. I wanted to push him away and yell at him. However, that all changed when I felt tears falling down on my back.
I didn’t know what he was crying for but I guessed that it was about Mariko. I think he too was having a hard time coping with his mother’s death and Mariko had turned into a hikikomori. I believed that everything was too much for him. He is the eldest son in the house and the main foundation of the family. He had to be there for everyone and had hardly any time for himself. He also had to switch himself often, from his real self to his celebrity self. He wasn’t exactly allowed to show any emotions or thousands of people would worry for him, and that would be a huge burden. Mariko decided to take the easy way out while Aiba-san couldn’t do that. But if he had that option, I think he would have done the same.
Slowly I raised my hands and wrapped my arms around him, bringing his body into my embrace. For some reason I wanted to comfort him and tell him that it was going to be all right. I understood very well that losing your mother makes a huge impact on someone’s life. They are your first line of support and always the first person you think of.
Aiba-san took himself off of me and went back to his previous position. With his head lowered, I couldn’t exactly tell if he was nervous, embarrassed or still crying. “How did you cope with your okaasan’s death?” Aiba-san asked quietly. I pursed my lips and lowered my head. Why did he have to ask me that question? Why does he want to know? “I…” I opened my mouth; ready to talk when I couldn’t speak. Does he want to hear something that he wants to hear or what actually happened?
Truthfully, I didn’t cry at my mother’s funeral. I hadn’t shed a single tear because my hatred for her was more than my love for her. While my relatives showed some tears like they were in a drama, I remained silent and didn’t show any grief. Even the next day I showed up work and acted like usual. I knew some people called me a witch, a devil and a snow queen behind my back but I didn’t care. They didn’t know how my mother acted at home and they didn’t know about her abandoning my sister so she could please my father. They knew nothing about those things and they thought they had the right to judge me.
Even though we may express out feelings differently, I decided to stay true to my heart. If he is willing to take my advice then it’s his choice. I knew I wasn’t wrong. “I worked. I dove my head into company business that I was too busy to have time to think about her. I held a long grudge on her for leaving Mariko at an orphanage. Also I hated when she would prioritize her work when I was child and she left childcare work to the nannies, maids and butlers. My parents were not even parents at all. They felt like it was just a status them. So when I found out my okaasan died. I never cried, I never showed sympathy and I never showed that I cared about her. All I did was send her off. I felt like she didn’t deserve my heartfelt feelings.”
I folded my arms and rested my head on the sofa to stare up at the ceiling. “Even though I have these ill feelings against her, there are some memories that I enjoy and cherish. She was the one whom bought clothes for me, attempted to make my favorite foods and also sew in my name for my school clothes in secret. Maybe you could say she wasn’t the best okaasan or the ideal type but she enabled me to be the person whom I am today. Do I regret some of the things she has done, yes in a way. But she also allowed me figure out how the world works on my own. If I was babied my entire life or easily handed of the things I need to do then I wouldn’t even be able to think about standing on the same stage as my otosan in his company. I wouldn’t be able to prove to others, especially the stockholders, of my capabilities and intelligence that I have to manage a company. Also I would have been lost and gone off road many times with my life. I think I would have heavily relied on others, and struggled to figure out what I wanted to do. I wouldn’t have that much perseverance as what I have now. Now that I think about it, maybe there are some things that I’m thankful for my okaasan for.” I let out a short laugh and turned my head to Aiba-san. He looked at me with weary eyes filled with sadness. It looked like he was going to cry again.
I made a small smile and turned my head back to stare at the ceiling. I said as I started to become lost in my thoughts. “Coping with death isn’t easy for everyone since everyone has different ways of coping. Just figuring it out and using it, will help with the process of moving on to be easier. You have family members that you can talk to that may be able to help. Even if you’re shy or embarrassed, I heard that sharing your thoughts and feelings is a good way to relieve whatever is on your mind.” Before I started to rant on again, I suddenly felt something warm on my shoulder. I turned my head to notice Aiba-san’s sleeping as he rested his head on my shoulder.
I let out a sigh and then a chuckle. The beer had finally knocked him out or my talk was too boring. Either way, as I thought about my mother and my own feelings, I discovered something new about myself. Why did I want to work for my father’s company when I could have been an excellent psychiatrist instead?