[Complete] Love Always- Life Without You
This series is half-way done! I hope you enjoyed the one-shots so far!! （●＾U＾●）As you may know I have trouble writing any fanfictions with this certain member. He usually has a blank look, sometimes he's very unpredictable when it comes to reactions and I have no clue of what runs in his mind. However I hope you can tell or see that it's him. I tried my best and that's what matters, right? This one-shot is based on/inspired by Taylor Swift's If This Was a Movie. Because of the lyrics, I had some difficulty with writing this story. Since I write fanfics as close to reality, some of the lyrics do not fit with Japanese culture so that is why I had to write them as husband and wife. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this one-shot!
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Life Without You
I sat lifeless in a chair at my dining table. The room was filled with silence. It had created a certain creepy mood along with the blinking ceiling lights. I stared blankly at the food that I had cooked a few hours before. It was no longer the warm omurice that should be eaten. It turned too cold to eat that I felt like throwing it away. I sighed and then the ticking of the wall clock made me look at it. He was late, once again.
I was filled with mixed emotions since I was already used to this. I don’t know if I should be sad or angry. I knew that this was going to happen when I married him. I should be understanding but… How can I be a housewife when I only see my husband only for 2 hours a day before he has to go off to work? Then when he gets a day off, he spends most of his time with his hobbies. Why did I believe that I would be happy when I married him? Was it because he was a guy that girls wanted to marry? Or was it because he’s famous and rich?
I got up from my chair and packed away tonight’s dinner. I wrote on a sticky note and left it on the table that dinner needs to be warmed up. Then I headed off to the bedroom. After washing up, I dragged my feet to the bedroom, where I stopped and stared at the bed. It was a bed made for two people, however ever since we moved here; only I have slept in it. He’s the kind of husband that you’re probably assuming. My husband is caring and considerate to me, which I fell in love with. He usually comes back early in the mornings. After he washes up and undressed into his home clothes, he sleeps on the couch to make sure he doesn’t wake me up. Then in the mornings when I wake up, he is usually out the door before I could ask him if he wants some coffee.
As I tucked myself in the bed, I kept getting flashbacks of the time when we were going out. We were both shy towards each other but through our friends, we started to get to know each other. On our first date we decided to visit an aquarium because I had mentioned that I haven’t been to one before. I remembered like it was just yesterday. He was excited and stared like a little child at all the fish in the huge tanks. He kept muttering to himself that he should be able to catch one of a similar size or bigger, and where to fish for it. He kept himself on his toes as we walked. I had gotten the feeling that he was more interested in the fish than knowing more about me. However, I had pushed my selfish-ness aside because I was just happy that he had some feelings for me too or he wouldn’t have taken me out on a date. We had many more dates after that and then one day out of the blue, he proposed to me. At that time, I felt like the happiest girl in the world. It seemed like my life after that was going to get smoother, however I was terribly wrong.
I lay down onto my side and a tear slid down from my eyes. I tried to remember more happy memories however I was still haunted by my present. I kept thinking and worrying that I’m not a great wife as he thought I was going to be. Maybe he’s avoiding me? Or maybe his feelings for me have changed?
I bit my lower lip when I heard the door opening. My heart started to beat faster. I was surprised that I was up until he came home. I must have spent hours thinking to myself without realizing the time. Then I heard him coming into our bedroom. He grabbed his clothes from the closet quietly and then scurried into the bathroom where he took a quick shower. He walked back outside to the kitchen where I heard him warming up his late dinner.
I bit my lip and hesitated to walk out of the bedroom to talk to him. Any kind wife wouldn’t need to think twice about doing it, however, I felt like we had grown apart and we no longer felt like we were close. It almost felt like we became ourselves when we first started going out. Tears ran down my cheeks and I covered my head with my covers before crying silently to sleep.
The next morning I woke up to notice that the spot beside me on the bed was once again empty. I sighed and wiped any dirt from my eyes. I got up and dragged my feet towards the kitchen through the living room. There I saw my peaceful looking and sound asleep husband on the couch. He had curled himself with only a small sweater covered his body. I made a small smile and grabbed a blanket from the bedroom before covering his entire his body.
Then I walked to the kitchen to start making some breakfast. Once I start to fry some eggs and the coffee maker had finished making coffee, my husband awoke from the smell. I glanced up to see him rubbing his eyes and picking his nose. I smiled to myself and continued with what I was doing. “Ohayo Sa-chan.” He said with his half-awake expression. I looked up and smiled. “Ohayo Satoshi. Do you want to sleep in the bedroom or do you want to eat breakfast?” I asked, knowing that he probably didn’t get a lot of sleep.
I shook his head and got up from the couch. “I’ll eat.” He dragged his feet across the living room and sat down at the dining table where I placed a plate of eggs, cherry tomatoes and sausages. Then on a separate plate, I had toasted some bread and spread some butter. I then took out some jam and the cutlery needed. The final touch was I poured some coffee into two cups. He was eating as I finally sat down in my chair. We both were silent as we ate. I didn’t know what to say since it was a rare occasion that we were able to eat breakfast together. The atmosphere around us was getting awkward and more awkward. After I finished chewing my food, I opened my mouth to initiate a conversation with him.
“So what are you going to do today?” I asked, while taking short glances at him and then to my plate. I cut my sausages in pieces as he replied. “Since I didn’t catch any fish last time, I asked the fishermen to take me to the same location so we can try again. I really want to catch horse mackerels.” He looked delighted and excited. I smiled as the corner of my mouth was twitching to make a frown. I was trying my best to show that I wasn’t disappointed in him because I wanted to avoid any conflicts. At that time, I believed that if I were to get into any conflicts or arguments with him, then our marriage would be over. I didn’t want that because I was desperate to be with him and knowing no will be able to break us apart.
“Ah, sou…” I trailed off. I continued to eat again and the silence continued. A cell phone rang and he picked up his call. As he talked, I could tell that it was the fisherman that was going to pick him up. He looked happy, was smiling brightly and he chuckled, which I don’t see him do often. “Hai. Ja ne.” He said before hanging up his call.
Curious, I looked up with him wanting to know what they had talked about but before I could ask, he got up from his seat. “Do you want me to whip up a quick snack to go?” I asked and jumped out from my seat. “I’m fine. He said that they were going to provide snacks made by his wife.” My eyes widened and it felt like an arrow had pierced through my heart. I was dumbfounded and dazed. I didn’t know how to answer him. I bit down on my lip until I could taste some blood. I forced myself to hold back my tears at that moment.
I swallowed and tried to gather myself up. Why would he say that? Does that mean my cooking is bad? Why hasn’t he said anything to me? I even learned most of the recipes from his mother. “Ah, sou…” I trailed off again. Then with a poker face, I walked to the front entrance to see him out. “Then can I meet my friend? I always wanted to meet her but she’s always busy with work. Apparently today is her only day that she has a day off.” I lied. I needed some time to myself and away from everything. I need to rethink about… my future. “Okay. I’ll be home late today so you can eat out if you want.” He said and flashed a sweet smile. I made a small smile back. I couldn’t express happiness when on the inside I was dying inside.
He grabbed all his things. Then before he left, he approached me and gave me a short hug. “Itakimasu.” He shouted when he walked out the door. I stared at him as he closed the door. It almost felt like the distance between us was being blocked by a wall.
I locked the door. Depressed and lonely, I quietly washed clean up the dining table. Like a typical housewife, I placed the food away, washed the items I used, dried them before putting them back into their appropriate spots and then wipe down the area around the sink. After I was done, I headed back to the bedroom to grab my cellphone. I scrolled through my contacts to see if I could get lucky and would be available to hang out with me. At least part of my lie would be correct and I wouldn’t have to make up something if he asks me what I did.
After checking my 20 contacts, I couldn’t think of anyone that would be available and close enough that I could hang out with. I sighed and then jumped onto my bed. At that minute, I thought I was the loneliest and saddest person in the world. I curled myself up and for the next few minutes I began to daze out. I was remembering my regrets, reflecting on my past and thinking about what I should do next. Then I received a text message from my mother. She was in her yearly happy Christmas mood.
Sachiyo I hope you are doing fine. This year we will be having our family Christmas celebration on the 24th since everyone is busy with other Christmas plans on the actual day. Please tell Satoshi beforehand so if he has any work on the day, he can stop by after work. We’ll save some food for him. I hope you will bring your Christmas spirit! It will be fun! -Your Mother
I let out a sigh and was kind of annoyed to know that my mother is in her… peppy mood. She’s already in her later half of her life and yet she’s so cheerful. I guess she lived a hard life to get this kind of happiness. I pushed myself off the bed to check the calendar. My eyes widened when I realized that it was only a week till the 24th. Then I suddenly panic realizing that time was running out soon. What about… I looked onto the side and let out a loud sigh of relief. I almost had forgotten that I bought everyone’s Christmas present during the first week of December. I knew myself too well that I would eventually forget to do Christmas shopping so I had planned ahead. Good work Sachiyo, good work.
However, thinking about Christmas and presents won’t help me fix my difficult and unsteady relationship with my husband. But this gave me the idea to talk with my mother about my situation. Although I sometimes doubt my blood relation with her, she always has an answer every time I need one. Before I knew it, I grabbed my suitcase and started to pack everything I needed. However, before I left, I left a note on the dining table for Satoshi.
Satoshi, I’ve gone to my mother’s house a bit earlier than usual. I also brought all the presents so you just have to bring yourself on the 24th. Don’t worry about me and feel free to eat out while I’m not at home. -Sachiyo
With two suitcases in the trunk of the car and the presents piled up the back seats, I was ready to go home. Hopefully my mother has kept my room as the same before I moved out…
~*~*~*~*~*~
“So when is Satoshi-kun coming?” My mother asked. I forced a smile and cocked my head slightly to the side. “He’s coming on the 24th. You know, he’s busy with work.” I lied. I didn’t want to tell her as soon as I came in that I was having problems with our marriage. I would probably hear out of her mouth ‘I told you so’. She warned me that I was going to get hurt because he’s an idol and a celebrity. Yet she was the one who told me that I was going to have a happy marriage and I was the luckiest girl in the world. She contradicts herself often, but when I tell her that I don’t understand her then she ends up yelling at me. Over the years I’ve just given up trying to make her see it.
Also my mother is a big fan of Arashi. Actually she was the one who introduced me to the group, however it was not until I met Satoshi that I understood her love over them. I always thought they were guys that play around with their dancing and singing. I wasn’t into their music until I finally kept an open-minded attitude of their music. Then after listening to several of their songs, I finally found myself hook onto their songs. I remembered a time where I was at the supermarket where I was unconsciously hummed to one of their songs. Then someone asked me if I was okay. Embarrassed and ashamed of myself, I couldn’t stop thinking about it that night and had a restless night where I didn’t get any sleep.
“Mou. I thought he came with you! I really wanted to see him and ask him some questions.” My mother pouted her lips like a little girl and folded her arms across her chest. I kept smiling but I truly felt like my mother might not be the right person who I could talk about marital relationships with. I even doubt she’ll give me a good response when I tell her about Satoshi and I. Why did I think that my mother would be a good person to talk to? I think if I told her, she’ll probably yell at me for not being able to meet his needs.
I sighed quietly to myself and wondered if I made the right decision to marry him. Was I too hasty in getting married to him when we only spent 3 years dating? Was I too greedy in securing my spot as his wife? Sometimes I really wish that I could go back into the past.
Days passed by and soon it became the 24th where I would be reunited with my husband again. In my heart a part of me was happy to see his face again, but there was the other part of me that was scared. I was nervous that I had assumed that he was mad at me because I left home. Throughout the entire day, I had butterflies flying in my stomach to the point where I thought I was going to puke from being too nervous.
While my mother cleaned the house a bit before our guests arrive, I was in the kitchen helping to prepare some ingredients for dinner. We had planned to have roasted chicken, roasted potatoes, bread, and a carrot and broccoli casserole. As for dessert, my sister is bringing an 8-inch strawberry shortcake and I baked gingerbread cookies in the morning.
As I cut some carrots for my mother, the doorbell rang. My heart to beat faster, shivers ran down my spine and I couldn’t stop thinking about what to say to Satoshi when I meet him face-to-face. “Merry Christmas.” It furrowed my eyebrows and kept my eyes on the cutting board. It was a familiar voice but it wasn’t his. Relieved, I slowly looked up to see it was my sister. “Merry Christmas.” I said as I made a quick smile to her. “Oh you’re helping okaasan with dinner. Wait, where’s Satoshi-kun? He should have welcomed me at the door by now.” My sister asked. Suddenly I felt like my heart stopped beating and my whole life stood still. I was surprised how fast my sister was able to catch on that my husband wasn’t with me.
I continued to smile, however I tried to keep the corner of my lips up. “He’s busy with some last minute work but he’ll come as soon as he can.” I lied, not wanting my sister to figure out that I was having some trouble. Also like my mother, she supported my marriage with Satoshi. She was ecstatic that she found out that she was going to have an idol as a brother-in-law. She thought that she could use him to meet other celebrities.
Then the doorbell rang again and I heard my mother squeal. That indicated to me that my husband just arrived. I gulped and took several deep breaths to calm down my already fast beating heart. I put down the cutting knife and washed my hands before I approached the front door. Both excited and scared, I patted my hands dry on the apron I was wearing as I walked. Then I came into view of all my family members gathered around the front door to watch my husband take off his shoes and coat. It made me remind myself that my family treated him as a sight to see instead of a normal person. I bit my lower lip when my eyes came into contact with his. His blank expression had turned into a bright smile. It was my first time seeing his face like that. I wondered what had happened when I was away.
“Since everyone’s here, I need to finish cooking.” My mother said and scurried back into the kitchen. Everyone else took this cue to disperse back into the living room. I looked at Satoshi with weary eyes before I turned my head to head back into the kitchen. I was glad that he looked the same. Maybe I didn’t need to worry too much about him after all.
After dinner, everyone sat in the living room while I decided to sit on a bed by myself in my old bedroom. I was right to assume that my mother changed my bedroom into a storage room. She stored all her idol items and magazines in my room. It literally took up half of my room that I had to arrange it so I had a small path to my bed to the door. I sighed when I looked around the room to remember all of my memories. I had taped up some photos that I had taken. Then I heard a knock on the door.
I turned my head and shouted. “Is it time for dessert? I’ll be there in a few…” Before I could finish what I was saying, I saw the door opening and Satoshi popped his head through the door. I swallowed and forced a smile to him. “Ah, Sa-chan. There you are.” He said and entered the room before closing the door behind him. “Satoshi. Are they still preparing dessert? Do they need my help?” I asked and quickly stood up. He approached me and sat beside me on my bed. “Sa-chan…” He whispered to me.
I bit my lower lip. I lowered my head as I dropped myself down back on the bed. I had a feeling that he was going to ask about why I left home to stay at my mother’s house a couple days early. Then there was a side of me that was afraid that he might want to get a divorce with me. I was scared and nervous of what he was going to say.
All of a sudden, he pulled out something that he was holding. It was flat and in a rectangular shape and was nicely wrapped with some Christmas wrapping paper. “Open it.” He said with a soft smile. I slowly nodded my head, surprised and a bit curious. I slowly tear away the paper to reveal the backside of a picture frame. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked up at him. He continued to smile at me like he assumed that I was going to like his present. I looked back down and then turned it around to see a beautiful painting of…me.
My face was beautifully drawn and painted with things that I like. However I had to take a few glances to see that I wasn’t seeing things. In the bottom left hand corner of the painting, the words ‘I love you’ were written in English. My cheeks blushed and warmth swept across my face. How could I be so stupid? Why did I think that we weren’t meant to be?
Tears overflowed from my eyes and dropped onto the painting. I looked up at him with my teary face and hugged the painting tightly across my chest. “Arigato Satoshi. It’s wonderful.” I said with my sniffles making me pause after every word. With the painting closely on my chest, I started to wonder about something. “Satoshi?” I asked. He looked at me with the same expression of his face. “When did you get the time to work on this? Between your work and your fishing trips, how did you…”
He giggled and turned his face to the side. “Gomen. I wanted it to be a surprise since you’ve done a lot of things for me. I’m happy and grateful that you’re my wife.” He said as he blushed. More tears continued to run down my cheeks. He looked surprised and taken aback for a bit. He tried to stop me from crying but I couldn’t. I was crying out in happiness and relief.
“Gomen Satoshi. Gomenasai.” I stuttered in between sniffles and wails. He furrowed his eyebrows and looked confused. “Why are you apologizing?” He asked, confused and puzzled to my reaction. I tried to stop my tears and wiped my tears that were on my face with my arm. First, I calmed down myself down so I could tell him. “I thought… I thought you didn’t love me anymore or didn’t want to see me. We only get to see each other at the most 1 or 2 times a day and when you get your day off, you use it to go on a fishing trip. That’s why…” I trailed off when more tears rolled down my cheek.
He made a smile and then embraced me in a hug. “Gomen Sa-chan. I should have considered your feelings more often.” I nodded my head in his embrace. “We need to be more communicative with each other as husband and wife.” He nodded his head. I took my head off his chest and stared into his eyes. “Although I hate it when you go on those fishing trips, I won’t forbid you to them. Just make sure that there’s a day where we can spend it together, okay?” I said with a smile. He smiled back and then kissed my forehead.
I embraced him in a hug again. “Merry Christmas Satoshi.” I whispered in his ear. Then he whispered in mine. “Merry Christmas to you too, Sachiyo.”
The End
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Life Without You
I sat lifeless in a chair at my dining table. The room was filled with silence. It had created a certain creepy mood along with the blinking ceiling lights. I stared blankly at the food that I had cooked a few hours before. It was no longer the warm omurice that should be eaten. It turned too cold to eat that I felt like throwing it away. I sighed and then the ticking of the wall clock made me look at it. He was late, once again.
I was filled with mixed emotions since I was already used to this. I don’t know if I should be sad or angry. I knew that this was going to happen when I married him. I should be understanding but… How can I be a housewife when I only see my husband only for 2 hours a day before he has to go off to work? Then when he gets a day off, he spends most of his time with his hobbies. Why did I believe that I would be happy when I married him? Was it because he was a guy that girls wanted to marry? Or was it because he’s famous and rich?
I got up from my chair and packed away tonight’s dinner. I wrote on a sticky note and left it on the table that dinner needs to be warmed up. Then I headed off to the bedroom. After washing up, I dragged my feet to the bedroom, where I stopped and stared at the bed. It was a bed made for two people, however ever since we moved here; only I have slept in it. He’s the kind of husband that you’re probably assuming. My husband is caring and considerate to me, which I fell in love with. He usually comes back early in the mornings. After he washes up and undressed into his home clothes, he sleeps on the couch to make sure he doesn’t wake me up. Then in the mornings when I wake up, he is usually out the door before I could ask him if he wants some coffee.
As I tucked myself in the bed, I kept getting flashbacks of the time when we were going out. We were both shy towards each other but through our friends, we started to get to know each other. On our first date we decided to visit an aquarium because I had mentioned that I haven’t been to one before. I remembered like it was just yesterday. He was excited and stared like a little child at all the fish in the huge tanks. He kept muttering to himself that he should be able to catch one of a similar size or bigger, and where to fish for it. He kept himself on his toes as we walked. I had gotten the feeling that he was more interested in the fish than knowing more about me. However, I had pushed my selfish-ness aside because I was just happy that he had some feelings for me too or he wouldn’t have taken me out on a date. We had many more dates after that and then one day out of the blue, he proposed to me. At that time, I felt like the happiest girl in the world. It seemed like my life after that was going to get smoother, however I was terribly wrong.
I lay down onto my side and a tear slid down from my eyes. I tried to remember more happy memories however I was still haunted by my present. I kept thinking and worrying that I’m not a great wife as he thought I was going to be. Maybe he’s avoiding me? Or maybe his feelings for me have changed?
I bit my lower lip when I heard the door opening. My heart started to beat faster. I was surprised that I was up until he came home. I must have spent hours thinking to myself without realizing the time. Then I heard him coming into our bedroom. He grabbed his clothes from the closet quietly and then scurried into the bathroom where he took a quick shower. He walked back outside to the kitchen where I heard him warming up his late dinner.
I bit my lip and hesitated to walk out of the bedroom to talk to him. Any kind wife wouldn’t need to think twice about doing it, however, I felt like we had grown apart and we no longer felt like we were close. It almost felt like we became ourselves when we first started going out. Tears ran down my cheeks and I covered my head with my covers before crying silently to sleep.
The next morning I woke up to notice that the spot beside me on the bed was once again empty. I sighed and wiped any dirt from my eyes. I got up and dragged my feet towards the kitchen through the living room. There I saw my peaceful looking and sound asleep husband on the couch. He had curled himself with only a small sweater covered his body. I made a small smile and grabbed a blanket from the bedroom before covering his entire his body.
Then I walked to the kitchen to start making some breakfast. Once I start to fry some eggs and the coffee maker had finished making coffee, my husband awoke from the smell. I glanced up to see him rubbing his eyes and picking his nose. I smiled to myself and continued with what I was doing. “Ohayo Sa-chan.” He said with his half-awake expression. I looked up and smiled. “Ohayo Satoshi. Do you want to sleep in the bedroom or do you want to eat breakfast?” I asked, knowing that he probably didn’t get a lot of sleep.
I shook his head and got up from the couch. “I’ll eat.” He dragged his feet across the living room and sat down at the dining table where I placed a plate of eggs, cherry tomatoes and sausages. Then on a separate plate, I had toasted some bread and spread some butter. I then took out some jam and the cutlery needed. The final touch was I poured some coffee into two cups. He was eating as I finally sat down in my chair. We both were silent as we ate. I didn’t know what to say since it was a rare occasion that we were able to eat breakfast together. The atmosphere around us was getting awkward and more awkward. After I finished chewing my food, I opened my mouth to initiate a conversation with him.
“So what are you going to do today?” I asked, while taking short glances at him and then to my plate. I cut my sausages in pieces as he replied. “Since I didn’t catch any fish last time, I asked the fishermen to take me to the same location so we can try again. I really want to catch horse mackerels.” He looked delighted and excited. I smiled as the corner of my mouth was twitching to make a frown. I was trying my best to show that I wasn’t disappointed in him because I wanted to avoid any conflicts. At that time, I believed that if I were to get into any conflicts or arguments with him, then our marriage would be over. I didn’t want that because I was desperate to be with him and knowing no will be able to break us apart.
“Ah, sou…” I trailed off. I continued to eat again and the silence continued. A cell phone rang and he picked up his call. As he talked, I could tell that it was the fisherman that was going to pick him up. He looked happy, was smiling brightly and he chuckled, which I don’t see him do often. “Hai. Ja ne.” He said before hanging up his call.
Curious, I looked up with him wanting to know what they had talked about but before I could ask, he got up from his seat. “Do you want me to whip up a quick snack to go?” I asked and jumped out from my seat. “I’m fine. He said that they were going to provide snacks made by his wife.” My eyes widened and it felt like an arrow had pierced through my heart. I was dumbfounded and dazed. I didn’t know how to answer him. I bit down on my lip until I could taste some blood. I forced myself to hold back my tears at that moment.
I swallowed and tried to gather myself up. Why would he say that? Does that mean my cooking is bad? Why hasn’t he said anything to me? I even learned most of the recipes from his mother. “Ah, sou…” I trailed off again. Then with a poker face, I walked to the front entrance to see him out. “Then can I meet my friend? I always wanted to meet her but she’s always busy with work. Apparently today is her only day that she has a day off.” I lied. I needed some time to myself and away from everything. I need to rethink about… my future. “Okay. I’ll be home late today so you can eat out if you want.” He said and flashed a sweet smile. I made a small smile back. I couldn’t express happiness when on the inside I was dying inside.
He grabbed all his things. Then before he left, he approached me and gave me a short hug. “Itakimasu.” He shouted when he walked out the door. I stared at him as he closed the door. It almost felt like the distance between us was being blocked by a wall.
I locked the door. Depressed and lonely, I quietly washed clean up the dining table. Like a typical housewife, I placed the food away, washed the items I used, dried them before putting them back into their appropriate spots and then wipe down the area around the sink. After I was done, I headed back to the bedroom to grab my cellphone. I scrolled through my contacts to see if I could get lucky and would be available to hang out with me. At least part of my lie would be correct and I wouldn’t have to make up something if he asks me what I did.
After checking my 20 contacts, I couldn’t think of anyone that would be available and close enough that I could hang out with. I sighed and then jumped onto my bed. At that minute, I thought I was the loneliest and saddest person in the world. I curled myself up and for the next few minutes I began to daze out. I was remembering my regrets, reflecting on my past and thinking about what I should do next. Then I received a text message from my mother. She was in her yearly happy Christmas mood.
Sachiyo I hope you are doing fine. This year we will be having our family Christmas celebration on the 24th since everyone is busy with other Christmas plans on the actual day. Please tell Satoshi beforehand so if he has any work on the day, he can stop by after work. We’ll save some food for him. I hope you will bring your Christmas spirit! It will be fun! -Your Mother
I let out a sigh and was kind of annoyed to know that my mother is in her… peppy mood. She’s already in her later half of her life and yet she’s so cheerful. I guess she lived a hard life to get this kind of happiness. I pushed myself off the bed to check the calendar. My eyes widened when I realized that it was only a week till the 24th. Then I suddenly panic realizing that time was running out soon. What about… I looked onto the side and let out a loud sigh of relief. I almost had forgotten that I bought everyone’s Christmas present during the first week of December. I knew myself too well that I would eventually forget to do Christmas shopping so I had planned ahead. Good work Sachiyo, good work.
However, thinking about Christmas and presents won’t help me fix my difficult and unsteady relationship with my husband. But this gave me the idea to talk with my mother about my situation. Although I sometimes doubt my blood relation with her, she always has an answer every time I need one. Before I knew it, I grabbed my suitcase and started to pack everything I needed. However, before I left, I left a note on the dining table for Satoshi.
Satoshi, I’ve gone to my mother’s house a bit earlier than usual. I also brought all the presents so you just have to bring yourself on the 24th. Don’t worry about me and feel free to eat out while I’m not at home. -Sachiyo
With two suitcases in the trunk of the car and the presents piled up the back seats, I was ready to go home. Hopefully my mother has kept my room as the same before I moved out…
~*~*~*~*~*~
“So when is Satoshi-kun coming?” My mother asked. I forced a smile and cocked my head slightly to the side. “He’s coming on the 24th. You know, he’s busy with work.” I lied. I didn’t want to tell her as soon as I came in that I was having problems with our marriage. I would probably hear out of her mouth ‘I told you so’. She warned me that I was going to get hurt because he’s an idol and a celebrity. Yet she was the one who told me that I was going to have a happy marriage and I was the luckiest girl in the world. She contradicts herself often, but when I tell her that I don’t understand her then she ends up yelling at me. Over the years I’ve just given up trying to make her see it.
Also my mother is a big fan of Arashi. Actually she was the one who introduced me to the group, however it was not until I met Satoshi that I understood her love over them. I always thought they were guys that play around with their dancing and singing. I wasn’t into their music until I finally kept an open-minded attitude of their music. Then after listening to several of their songs, I finally found myself hook onto their songs. I remembered a time where I was at the supermarket where I was unconsciously hummed to one of their songs. Then someone asked me if I was okay. Embarrassed and ashamed of myself, I couldn’t stop thinking about it that night and had a restless night where I didn’t get any sleep.
“Mou. I thought he came with you! I really wanted to see him and ask him some questions.” My mother pouted her lips like a little girl and folded her arms across her chest. I kept smiling but I truly felt like my mother might not be the right person who I could talk about marital relationships with. I even doubt she’ll give me a good response when I tell her about Satoshi and I. Why did I think that my mother would be a good person to talk to? I think if I told her, she’ll probably yell at me for not being able to meet his needs.
I sighed quietly to myself and wondered if I made the right decision to marry him. Was I too hasty in getting married to him when we only spent 3 years dating? Was I too greedy in securing my spot as his wife? Sometimes I really wish that I could go back into the past.
Days passed by and soon it became the 24th where I would be reunited with my husband again. In my heart a part of me was happy to see his face again, but there was the other part of me that was scared. I was nervous that I had assumed that he was mad at me because I left home. Throughout the entire day, I had butterflies flying in my stomach to the point where I thought I was going to puke from being too nervous.
While my mother cleaned the house a bit before our guests arrive, I was in the kitchen helping to prepare some ingredients for dinner. We had planned to have roasted chicken, roasted potatoes, bread, and a carrot and broccoli casserole. As for dessert, my sister is bringing an 8-inch strawberry shortcake and I baked gingerbread cookies in the morning.
As I cut some carrots for my mother, the doorbell rang. My heart to beat faster, shivers ran down my spine and I couldn’t stop thinking about what to say to Satoshi when I meet him face-to-face. “Merry Christmas.” It furrowed my eyebrows and kept my eyes on the cutting board. It was a familiar voice but it wasn’t his. Relieved, I slowly looked up to see it was my sister. “Merry Christmas.” I said as I made a quick smile to her. “Oh you’re helping okaasan with dinner. Wait, where’s Satoshi-kun? He should have welcomed me at the door by now.” My sister asked. Suddenly I felt like my heart stopped beating and my whole life stood still. I was surprised how fast my sister was able to catch on that my husband wasn’t with me.
I continued to smile, however I tried to keep the corner of my lips up. “He’s busy with some last minute work but he’ll come as soon as he can.” I lied, not wanting my sister to figure out that I was having some trouble. Also like my mother, she supported my marriage with Satoshi. She was ecstatic that she found out that she was going to have an idol as a brother-in-law. She thought that she could use him to meet other celebrities.
Then the doorbell rang again and I heard my mother squeal. That indicated to me that my husband just arrived. I gulped and took several deep breaths to calm down my already fast beating heart. I put down the cutting knife and washed my hands before I approached the front door. Both excited and scared, I patted my hands dry on the apron I was wearing as I walked. Then I came into view of all my family members gathered around the front door to watch my husband take off his shoes and coat. It made me remind myself that my family treated him as a sight to see instead of a normal person. I bit my lower lip when my eyes came into contact with his. His blank expression had turned into a bright smile. It was my first time seeing his face like that. I wondered what had happened when I was away.
“Since everyone’s here, I need to finish cooking.” My mother said and scurried back into the kitchen. Everyone else took this cue to disperse back into the living room. I looked at Satoshi with weary eyes before I turned my head to head back into the kitchen. I was glad that he looked the same. Maybe I didn’t need to worry too much about him after all.
After dinner, everyone sat in the living room while I decided to sit on a bed by myself in my old bedroom. I was right to assume that my mother changed my bedroom into a storage room. She stored all her idol items and magazines in my room. It literally took up half of my room that I had to arrange it so I had a small path to my bed to the door. I sighed when I looked around the room to remember all of my memories. I had taped up some photos that I had taken. Then I heard a knock on the door.
I turned my head and shouted. “Is it time for dessert? I’ll be there in a few…” Before I could finish what I was saying, I saw the door opening and Satoshi popped his head through the door. I swallowed and forced a smile to him. “Ah, Sa-chan. There you are.” He said and entered the room before closing the door behind him. “Satoshi. Are they still preparing dessert? Do they need my help?” I asked and quickly stood up. He approached me and sat beside me on my bed. “Sa-chan…” He whispered to me.
I bit my lower lip. I lowered my head as I dropped myself down back on the bed. I had a feeling that he was going to ask about why I left home to stay at my mother’s house a couple days early. Then there was a side of me that was afraid that he might want to get a divorce with me. I was scared and nervous of what he was going to say.
All of a sudden, he pulled out something that he was holding. It was flat and in a rectangular shape and was nicely wrapped with some Christmas wrapping paper. “Open it.” He said with a soft smile. I slowly nodded my head, surprised and a bit curious. I slowly tear away the paper to reveal the backside of a picture frame. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked up at him. He continued to smile at me like he assumed that I was going to like his present. I looked back down and then turned it around to see a beautiful painting of…me.
My face was beautifully drawn and painted with things that I like. However I had to take a few glances to see that I wasn’t seeing things. In the bottom left hand corner of the painting, the words ‘I love you’ were written in English. My cheeks blushed and warmth swept across my face. How could I be so stupid? Why did I think that we weren’t meant to be?
Tears overflowed from my eyes and dropped onto the painting. I looked up at him with my teary face and hugged the painting tightly across my chest. “Arigato Satoshi. It’s wonderful.” I said with my sniffles making me pause after every word. With the painting closely on my chest, I started to wonder about something. “Satoshi?” I asked. He looked at me with the same expression of his face. “When did you get the time to work on this? Between your work and your fishing trips, how did you…”
He giggled and turned his face to the side. “Gomen. I wanted it to be a surprise since you’ve done a lot of things for me. I’m happy and grateful that you’re my wife.” He said as he blushed. More tears continued to run down my cheeks. He looked surprised and taken aback for a bit. He tried to stop me from crying but I couldn’t. I was crying out in happiness and relief.
“Gomen Satoshi. Gomenasai.” I stuttered in between sniffles and wails. He furrowed his eyebrows and looked confused. “Why are you apologizing?” He asked, confused and puzzled to my reaction. I tried to stop my tears and wiped my tears that were on my face with my arm. First, I calmed down myself down so I could tell him. “I thought… I thought you didn’t love me anymore or didn’t want to see me. We only get to see each other at the most 1 or 2 times a day and when you get your day off, you use it to go on a fishing trip. That’s why…” I trailed off when more tears rolled down my cheek.
He made a smile and then embraced me in a hug. “Gomen Sa-chan. I should have considered your feelings more often.” I nodded my head in his embrace. “We need to be more communicative with each other as husband and wife.” He nodded his head. I took my head off his chest and stared into his eyes. “Although I hate it when you go on those fishing trips, I won’t forbid you to them. Just make sure that there’s a day where we can spend it together, okay?” I said with a smile. He smiled back and then kissed my forehead.
I embraced him in a hug again. “Merry Christmas Satoshi.” I whispered in his ear. Then he whispered in mine. “Merry Christmas to you too, Sachiyo.”
The End