(no subject)
i've realized that i've been trying to hold on to the past
and it's gotten me nowhere.
i thought that if i held onto it, things would slowly start
to fall back into place; everything would go back to the way it used to be.
silly me, what was i thinking?
it's been two or even three years since i can remember us truly being best friends.
you know, when we'd actually call each other to talk and have meaningful conversations,
when we'd go over each others houses everyday in the summer to do nothing but gossip or
walk around town, have stupid photoshoots, sleep over each others houses and listen to sad boy band music and cry because we had boy problems, sneak onto the computers late at night to talk on aim, be restricted to renting rated R movies because we weren't 17 yet, write notes to each other, go into hollister and buy the same exact things but in different colors, dance together, do everything together.
now, i hardly see you. we have no classes or breaks together. no dance classes.
when was the last time we spoke on the phone other than to ask a simple question?
when was the last time we hung out because we wanted each others company?
when was the last time we just sat and talked for hours about what's going on in our lives?
the sad thing is i can't remember. i can't remember the last time we did any of
these because it's been so long. sometimes i feel like it was just yesterday when we
were still as close. but when i do see you or am with you now i know it wasn't just yesterday,
because it feels different. you seem different. i'm sure i'm different too. how can i tell things have changed? because i shouldn't have to think in my head "hmm what should we talk about" when it's just us. just so it's not quiet. it never used to be like that. shouldn't it come naturally?
this saddens me, it really does. what's pathetic is i can't imagine you thinking any of these
same things right now. can't imagine you feeling the way i do. i'm sure it has never even crossed your mind. and if we were really best friends you'd know how i am feeling. at least you
would have if it was 2 years ago. you and i used to "finish each other's ______ (and here you'd say "sentences")" we were so alike. people used to call us "twins". i miss that, i miss our closeness, our friendship.
you know i can still remember when i finally thought of you as my best friend.
dance class. freshman year. this girl asked "are you guys like best friends or something?" we'd never before said we were so we both didn't know what to say. to make it not awkward i remember saying "yeah, she WISHES she could have this" and we all started laughing. in my head though i remember thinking "yeah, she really IS my best friend!" (corny, i KNOW)
we're growing up i guess, and as we are we're also growing apart.
sorry, i know i've written a lot of these kinda entries. but this is my last.
i now know things will never be the same with us, and i think i'm finally accepting it.
goodbye
and it's gotten me nowhere.
i thought that if i held onto it, things would slowly start
to fall back into place; everything would go back to the way it used to be.
silly me, what was i thinking?
it's been two or even three years since i can remember us truly being best friends.
you know, when we'd actually call each other to talk and have meaningful conversations,
when we'd go over each others houses everyday in the summer to do nothing but gossip or
walk around town, have stupid photoshoots, sleep over each others houses and listen to sad boy band music and cry because we had boy problems, sneak onto the computers late at night to talk on aim, be restricted to renting rated R movies because we weren't 17 yet, write notes to each other, go into hollister and buy the same exact things but in different colors, dance together, do everything together.
now, i hardly see you. we have no classes or breaks together. no dance classes.
when was the last time we spoke on the phone other than to ask a simple question?
when was the last time we hung out because we wanted each others company?
when was the last time we just sat and talked for hours about what's going on in our lives?
the sad thing is i can't remember. i can't remember the last time we did any of
these because it's been so long. sometimes i feel like it was just yesterday when we
were still as close. but when i do see you or am with you now i know it wasn't just yesterday,
because it feels different. you seem different. i'm sure i'm different too. how can i tell things have changed? because i shouldn't have to think in my head "hmm what should we talk about" when it's just us. just so it's not quiet. it never used to be like that. shouldn't it come naturally?
this saddens me, it really does. what's pathetic is i can't imagine you thinking any of these
same things right now. can't imagine you feeling the way i do. i'm sure it has never even crossed your mind. and if we were really best friends you'd know how i am feeling. at least you
would have if it was 2 years ago. you and i used to "finish each other's ______ (and here you'd say "sentences")" we were so alike. people used to call us "twins". i miss that, i miss our closeness, our friendship.
you know i can still remember when i finally thought of you as my best friend.
dance class. freshman year. this girl asked "are you guys like best friends or something?" we'd never before said we were so we both didn't know what to say. to make it not awkward i remember saying "yeah, she WISHES she could have this" and we all started laughing. in my head though i remember thinking "yeah, she really IS my best friend!" (corny, i KNOW)
we're growing up i guess, and as we are we're also growing apart.
sorry, i know i've written a lot of these kinda entries. but this is my last.
i now know things will never be the same with us, and i think i'm finally accepting it.
goodbye