Whatever will be will be?
Things have been really, awkward for me lately. I've gone through this phase where I have been evaluating my situation and I'm unhappy. Mostly, I just feel very lonely a lot of the time, and I wish I could connect with people more. I find myself bored, and listless, yet at times I feel afraid of contact because I'll be seen as a nuisance, or outright rejected.
I doesn't help that my job will be ending in two weeks, and so far I don't immediately have another job lined up. I've taken a look at my finances-what money I can expect in relation to what I have to pay, and what I can save, and if I am very strict with myself i should be okay until the second week of August. But I'm hoping to be starting on a new job by then.
I'm really wondering what defines me, and more and more I start to worry about how I'm perceived. I will be turning 21 soon, and more and more I think "What value do I have as a person? What can I contribute to a friendship?" Sometimes I'm content with the answer and sometimes I'm not.
I've gotten into a bad habit of letting other people's negativity weigh me down, and make me a bit paranoid. And to make it worse, it's internet negativity at that. *eyeroll* I am however, honestly trying to be the best person and friend I can be. I'm not perfect, at there will be times when I unintentionally say or do something stupid, but all I can do is learn from it, and try to move on.
I had a total teary break down over everything, and even though she's not likely to read it, thank you chasing_ivy for putting up with me, and all my insecurities, and self predictions of loneliness and doom. <3
I also want to thank damagedgarden for talking some lolita sense into me, and helping woman the hell up, and accept the best solution when it comes to outfit choices. I was just being whiny and silly, and I'm excited for the order. I hope I can sell off what I have soon, and get some lovely new custom items.
P.S. - I am so glad we can wear jeans to work all the time now. Yes.
I doesn't help that my job will be ending in two weeks, and so far I don't immediately have another job lined up. I've taken a look at my finances-what money I can expect in relation to what I have to pay, and what I can save, and if I am very strict with myself i should be okay until the second week of August. But I'm hoping to be starting on a new job by then.
I'm really wondering what defines me, and more and more I start to worry about how I'm perceived. I will be turning 21 soon, and more and more I think "What value do I have as a person? What can I contribute to a friendship?" Sometimes I'm content with the answer and sometimes I'm not.
I've gotten into a bad habit of letting other people's negativity weigh me down, and make me a bit paranoid. And to make it worse, it's internet negativity at that. *eyeroll* I am however, honestly trying to be the best person and friend I can be. I'm not perfect, at there will be times when I unintentionally say or do something stupid, but all I can do is learn from it, and try to move on.
I had a total teary break down over everything, and even though she's not likely to read it, thank you chasing_ivy for putting up with me, and all my insecurities, and self predictions of loneliness and doom. <3
I also want to thank damagedgarden for talking some lolita sense into me, and helping woman the hell up, and accept the best solution when it comes to outfit choices. I was just being whiny and silly, and I'm excited for the order. I hope I can sell off what I have soon, and get some lovely new custom items.
P.S. - I am so glad we can wear jeans to work all the time now. Yes.