Update

Jul 25, 2006 16:14

I know I haven't written anything in a while. I haven't known what to say.
My husband came back from Iraq with his body intact. But other parts of him have changed, and our marriage is having a rough patch. After all, I didn't marry him for his body.
I've started writing poetry again. I can't seem to stay focused long enough to do a full story, and it's driving me insane.
I'm torn about a lot of things, and I'm not really sure what I'm doing with myself. I really want a vacation, a chance to escape my life for just a little while.
My friend who lives in Canada is visiting briefly. I know I should do something so that I can see her again before she goes back home. I mean, this is the first time we've seen each other in years. In fact, I don't know if she's even met my husband.
I don't like what I've done, but I've just allowed myself to waste enough time that I can't go back to school this semester. I need to go back, but I think, for my sanity, I need to straighten some part of my life out first. Except, I think that is just an illusion. Life is never less chaotic. Entropy increases. We can play, we can pray, we can pretend, but at the dark end of the adventure, when we find ourselves heading for some illusion of home, we can't deny who we really are. I know what I've fought to be, but it doesn't change who I am.
But I do know I will be who I have to be for my angel.
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