This entry is just a bunch of complaining. I wont be offended if you don't read it.
I am so done with high school. The added stress of applying to college while trying to take finals and write my synthesis is more than I can handle right now. Plus, I cannot stand another day at Sparhawk. As good as the school has been for me, I constantly feel alone when I am there. I have lost every friend that I have made at Sparhawk, and now it is just me. And it's not that they have all left. Many have either graduated, or been kicked out, but not all. Some, I have just lost touch with even though I spend half of my day with them. I barely speak to anyone from Sparhawk outside of the school day, and I never see anyone from school on the weekends. And for the most part I have been content with that. But, it's hard not to have a support system every day. My greatest source of support comes from Raymond, and I barely see him during the school week. It's so hard for me, especially at this time of year, to spend day in and day out without anyone that I feel that I connect with. I just wish that I had a group of friends like I had during tenth grade. I could talk to Chelsea about absolutely anything, and when I see her now I can still talk to her about everything. And not just Chelsea. That entire group of people was so easy to talk to.
And I realize that I do have a group of friends like that. However, I don't see those friends nearly as often as I wish that I did. Which is partially my fault- or mostly my fault. As fortunate as I am to have those people, it's hard not to have them with me during the most stressful and difficult times, most of which occur at Sparhawk. I know that there are people at school that will listen to me, but I don't think that there is really a group of people that truly care. Next year, when we are all graduated, I am almost positive that I wont keep in contact with most of the people in my class, or in my entire school for that matter. Not because I don't like them, but because we aren't those kind of friends. We are the kind of friends that you spend time with when it's convenient. The kind of friends that you don't ever talk about anything important with, instead you spend your time joking around and goofing off. And, while we have a great time doing that most of the time, it's also so important to have people around you that you feel like you could talk with about anything. And I really don't have that.
And I realize that I do have a group of friends like that. However, I don't see those friends nearly as often as I wish that I did. Which is partially my fault- or mostly my fault. As fortunate as I am to have those people, it's hard not to have them with me during the most stressful and difficult times, most of which occur at Sparhawk. I know that there are people at school that will listen to me, but I don't think that there is really a group of people that truly care. Next year, when we are all graduated, I am almost positive that I wont keep in contact with most of the people in my class, or in my entire school for that matter. Not because I don't like them, but because we aren't those kind of friends. We are the kind of friends that you spend time with when it's convenient. The kind of friends that you don't ever talk about anything important with, instead you spend your time joking around and goofing off. And, while we have a great time doing that most of the time, it's also so important to have people around you that you feel like you could talk with about anything. And I really don't have that.