( one ) ( accidental video )

[nonfunction]

[ There had been two other instances in River's recent memory in which she had woken up without any recollection of where she had been before, and many more when she had woken up scared, a dying scream on her lips. But every single time, Simon had been there to help her, to smooth her hair back and speak in soft, comforting tones

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[excessivehubris]

[He's back in his small room in the hospital, which means there is more than just her voice across the skewed video feed echoing in his head. He's more used to this sort of mental chaos, particularly in this city.

Screaming? Was it screaming? Charles tried to think back to his initial waking but the cold of the morgue freezer was the only prevalent memory from those horrible moments. Still, he supposed there had been a sense of screaming?

Wait, what screaming was she talking about? No, he caught the edges, it was like ... yes, he knew that feeling, knew that feeling all too well.]

They won't stop screaming. [Charles says with blunt honesty.] They can't stop screaming. They don't understand and you can't make them. Sing a rhyme, River, in your head sing a rhyme. You won't be able to hear over the screaming otherwise.

[nonfunction]

[ Paranoid schizophrenia had been Simon's best guess, but doctors were always categorizing. Labels on the jars. Peroxide, peroxitine, pax. River has no name for it, no repose. Sometimes she hears things that are not there. Sometimes she hears worse; sometimes there are secrets. The truth always has a way of finding out, crawling underneath the surface.

River's ragged breathing stops just for a moment, when she heard the voice. And then she leans off the table, still naked and trembling, and picks up the device. She's curled in on herself, scrawny limbs tucked in nice and neat. ]

Trepannation. Medical procedure. Used to drill into the brain to let the devil out.

[ She shudders again, looking away from the camera. And then bringing it back up until the screen is filled with her eye.]

[excessivehubris]

[Averting his eyes! He doesn't need them anyway, he can hear and hear her just fine.]

Its not that easy here. Where you woke up, it is not what it seems. Take the tag off your toe, look in one of the lockers, there were a lot of medical clothing that is more comfortable.

Who is 'Simon'?

[Trying to not just nose in and look, though it feels like it would be so easy, she feels so clear in his mind. Another mutant?]

[nonfunction]

[ Or was it to let the devil in? There are many things that River can't recall these days, the huge analytical power of her mathematical mind being jumbled by erstwhile thoughts and horrors, many of which are not her own. Too many facts, like how blood can be drained from the body in 6.8 seconds, or the exact list of chemicals with which to soak a human brain in order to dissole it.

She's cold. River wouldnt mind being naked otherwise - she understands the stigma attached to it by others but does not comprend it for herself. Nothing is what it seemed. Nothing had meaning unless it was given. But she doesn't like being cold, even if freezing to death is much less painless than burning. She slips off the table and pads silently towards the closet, leaving the phone there. When she returns she is clad in a shapeless white hospital gown. Just like in Ariel, River thinks.

But it isn't polite to eavesdrop. Mother had told her that, once in the past. ]

Didn't tell you my name, did I?

[ A pause. ]

Charles. Means free man. 

[excessivehubris]

It isn't polite to eavesdrop. [He agrees solemnly.] But sometimes it can not be helped and what you hear is never worth it.

[He almost comments on the chemicals and the human brain but somehow he trips on the idea that he wasn't meant to hear that. Instead he focuses on something else.]

They say you get very warm when you freeze to death, the body tricking itself as it goes through the stages of hypothermia. [And we'll just segue on into the bit about names. Thoughts and words, all the same to him.] Charles Xavier, a pleasure to meet you, River Tam.

[nonfunction]

[ He's in her mind. She thinks she feels him there, but isn't quite sure. Doesn't know if that's just the monsters in her head or not. Mal had called her a reader, but in actuality, she listens. She tips her head to one side, her expression waning as the chaos and din of his mind fills her.

River steps back with a gasp, the phone clattering to the floor once more. The thing is taking quite the beating today. She tries to plug her ears, as if that would help. ]

Your eardrums are going to burst! Dam's going to overflow - turn the tap off.

[ What was it that he had said, earlier? Sing a rhyme. She tries. Some of it can't be remembered. Some of it is from a life long past. ]

Twinkle, twinkle, little star--

[excessivehubris]

[Never before has he so desperately wished he could turn the tap off.]

I ca... [Charles begins to explain but she's just a child and she's scared and he remembers being so scared waking up here in the morgue freezer. Taking a deep breath, his lips begin to move but it's all in his head as begins to recite

Simple Simon met a pieman
Going to the fair;
Said Simple Simon to the pieman,
"Let me taste your ware."

Said the pieman to Simple Simon,
"Show me first your penny."
Said Simple Simon to the pieman,
"Indeed I have not any."

He continues to loop the nursery rhyme, visualizing it in his head and throwing his focus on it, attempt to push the rest of the chaos in his mind into the background, away from where he focused on her. It's not a shield, per rather like turning up one mental channel while dialing back the others.]

Is that better, River?

[nonfunction]

[ And she repeats it with him, her voice even adopting the cadences of his accent, just repeating the words over and over again so that there isn't any room for thought. ]

SimpleSimonmetapiemangoingtothefair
SaidsimpleSimontothepiemanletmetasteyourware

[ It's his words, memorized in seconds, just repeated quickly under her breath until they blur and the distinctions between words, consonants and vowels are all gone. ]

But my brother's a genius.

[ And therefore, not simple as she deduces from the archaic wording of this rhyme - Earth that was had different meanings. Segues? Who needs those? ]

[excessivehubris]

[Usually he will keep wheeling through the rhymes, changing them up, mixing them around as he needs to in order to help maintain his focus on his own thoughts. However as she seems to be holding on to this one rhyme, he continues to mentally repeat it, changing the cadence of his mental voice to emphasis different words or syllables.]

Simon is your brother. [Not a question but a statement.] I have heard of no one named Simon Tam in this city.

[As his words focus on her brother, his thoughts cast to his sister, who is here but not. The Raven who is not his and how it hurts to be alone, to be without that familial anchor.]

[nonfunction]

He isn't here. He's loud.

[ It's true - Simon's thoughts are always busy, efficient. Thoughts about his work as a doctor, and then worse - regrets. I would be there right now if she hadn't--. It hurts, but River also knows that it's hard for him. She's an albatross around his neck, choking him, choking everyone on the Serenity and she understands this.

There's silence for a moment, except for her breathing and she sways a little bit on the spot, allowing the words to wrap around. River doesn't always hear thoughts. Sometimes, she fixates on feelings. ]

You're lonely. Ghosts are bad company. Never stay, they put their feet up and break your china and then leave.

[excessivehubris]

[Its unnerving, to be read like that. He suspects Charles could do it and probably without his knowing the man had been in there but if he has, he's been kind enough not to mention it. Not that Charles can find it in him to be angry at the reading. She is not wrong and he knows how the press of feelings and thoughts just begins to wash through a person, making the picture as clear as what the eyes can see.]

Siblings love us, even when we are trials to them.

[He knows he has been such a trail to Raven, her urgent words in his ear when the doctors would come, when Marko would try his tricks. How he would frighten her because it seemed as if he wouldn't straighten up in time...]

Best not to speak of broken china. [He feels the cracking in his own mind, is fighting against it every minute of every day.] You're in the hospital. I am also, I can come and help you, if you wish it?

[nonfunction]

[ People told her their secrets all the time. Just, not willingly, even if River were the type to want to know them anyways. She feels his mind crack, a feeling that she's familiar with on days when her medication isn't working, when she's cracking at the seams. Some days, the little shots Simon gives her makes her vomit, on others, they make her erratic. Side effects are the most unpleasant thing. ]

Doesn't want to admit it. Keeps it secret, inside. Dangerous. Can't be controlled. Not a person, you see.

[ Yes, she remembers what Kaylee had said, her thoughts when she told the captain about the three men that River shot with her eyes closed - bang, bang, bang. No power in the 'verse can stop me. She'd thought it was just a game, then. ]

Yes.

[excessivehubris]

[Leaving the safety of his small bolt hole, Charles begins to track her signature through the hospital. Its not hard, not at all, especially since the area is small and he's getting better at tracking the minds around him. His device is tucked into his pocket, he doesn't need it, to talk and lapses in its use.]

She was scared. [He is only going off your memories, River. Kaylee hiding by the door, looking stricken. Sweet, innocent Kaylee, a bubble and a smile for all, with the big ugly gun in her hand. Wrong so wrong for there to be a gun in her hand.] Some hands, should never hold a gun.

[It doesn't take him long to work his way through the quiet corridors and then, he is rapping lightly on the door, pushing it inwards and calling out.]

I brought you a sweater?

[Because obviously a sweater makes sense with the rest of that conversation.]

[nonfunction]

[ She can't reach out to minds, can't speak to anyone else, so it's always nearly frightening when Charles does it. She doesn't expect to hear anything else but her own thoughts, the memories and loud chaos mingling in together. His mind is chaos, too, but worse than hers. Sometimes, River eases in and out of lucidity.

Yes, River replies, radiating out misery. She scared Kaylee, scared her away, and now they would probably never play. And she feels it too, from the rest of the crew, whether they show her or not it always comes out. The way they look at her - something ain't right. Scare everybody.

He appears and she feels him before he pops in, and she sees dark hair and eyes of bright blue and thinks immediately thinks of her brother, who isn't here. ]

Smells like winter.

[OOC - my apologies for the repost. Now if only LJ let us PREVIEW IT WOULDN'T HAPPEN. /shakes fist ]

[excessivehubris]

[He struggles with lucidity, had been doing so well back home with Raven to stabilize him but Abax has shattered years of work and he's scrambling to pick up what pieces he can. Since he's close and then at the room with her, he tries to draw his mind back, no longer actively using his telepathy, though the constant passive 'read' is stuck to 'on', all throttles full.]

Its been snowing. [He says by way of a response, sliding around the door and holding the sweater out towards her. Its clean, he's fastidious about appearance, unwilling to give Marko any evidence of an inability to care for himself. Give his stepfather any chance to have him committed.]

You'll need shoes. [He should be holding out his hand, smiling and offering her a warm greeting but practicalities come first.]

Do you have anyone here, who you know, River?

[ooc: No worries!! This change is taking some getting used to.]

[nonfunction]

[ She makes a face at the mention of shoes. River doesn't like shoes. She likes having the cold metal of the Serenity under her feet, likes being able to feel the humming of the engines beneath her.

He smiles and she stares at him for a very long time. Men from the Academy had smiled like that too - warm and inviting. It's about your mind. Letting it do all that it could. She had trusted, and it went wrong. ]

I don't feel...no.

[ His memories are murky and reading them is a strain. She gets only one word. ]

...Kurt?