Feels like my insides are on fire

[hatespolitics]

Characters: Ashley Williams (hatespolitics) and Malik (Tazim) A-Sayf(need_a_sword)
When: Shortly after rescuing Tazim from the freezer; backdated to before the tree event
Where: Back at camp :|
What: Discussing a certain name on a certain toe-tag, and subsequent suspicious behavior >| Tazim.
Open or Closed? Closed
Rating/Warnings None

Comments

[need_a_sword]

Tazim, on the other hand, would have waited, and put off this subject for so long as he thought he could get away with it. He knew he could not skirt it forever- but finding the right words... The right way to approach such a thing

[hatespolitics]

She just slowly raises an eyebrow at him, standing tall and unimpressed. She didn't feel like fucking around-- she rarely did, with this type of thing-- and she was worried about Malik. Worried about Tazim, too. He needed to know she was dead serious about this.

So she just waits, and watches him, waiting for him to re-think that question.

[need_a_sword]

With her silence, Tazim cleared his throat.

"Ah,"

He hesitated, and dropped his gaze, staring at the floor for a few moments as he considered his next words carefully.

"Do you remember my first day in Coruscant? When you told me that people could exist there from different times? That you could see the dead?" Tazim stared at his hands for a moment, before balling them into fists and raising his head to meet Ashley's hard stare once more.

"Malik is my father," he let that hang between them for a moment, his lips drawn into a thin frown. One that Ashley had likely seen on Malik's own face before.

But he couldn't hold her gaze for long, and it fell away once more as his head listed forward into one of his hands, fingers running through his hair. When next he spoke, it was in a very low, very quiet tone. Not wanting to be overheard- it was a hard enough subject as it was after all, "He died when I was an infant."

[hatespolitics]

"Yes?" She was fully expecting-- well, just about anything but that.

Oh.

She blinks, letting her arms drop to her sides. Some of the intensity from her stare fades away, and she takes a step closer into the room. "Your father?" She takes a moment with that, letting it sink in.

When he speaks so low she can barely hear, she drops to her knees beside him, leaning in. "Hey, hey, it's okay." Tazim wasn't a threat-- he was jut scared, she could see that plain as day. But why? "Why wouldn't you want him to know?"

[need_a_sword]

He continued to look troubled, tense. Speaking of this made him truly uneasy, it was a confusing situation at best- at worse... a blessing, and a curse.

"How could I? What would I even say?" he shook his head, "He was murdered, Ashley,"

Murdered, and Tazim had not chosen to take revenge. He had instead rejoined the Creed and bided his time. Waiting to discover what would best serve his father's memory.

[hatespolitics]

Exhaling, she settled down fully beside him, tilting her head up to stare at the ceiling for a moment as if seeking support.

Murdered. That sent a chill through her, the knowledge that a friend dear to her would be killed-- and she couldn't imagine what it was like for Tazim, living with that knowledge his entire life. "You could start with, 'Hello, Malik, I'm your son.' " She shakes her head briefly, swallowing. "Look, I'm not going to pretend to know exactly what you're going through, or that this is something easy to deal with, but-- hiding your hand is always the harder option. Sometimes putting all your cards on the table ends up being the best route, even if it's not the easiest thing to contemplate."

[need_a_sword]

He stretched his legs, and leaned forward, his hands lifting to cover his face as he listened to what she said, a hard sick knot of turmoil twisting in the pit of his stomach and settling heavily.

"And if he never wanted children? If he is shamed by me? By my existence? My actions- my lack of them?" he demanded, his voice sharper than he'd meant it to be. There was so much fear, so much uneasiness in him, and it was obvious.

[hatespolitics]

"Why would he be ashamed of you?" She stares at him, trying to figure this kid out. "You seem like a good kid. And Malik-- I think you should give him a chance."

[need_a_sword]

Tazim stared at the floor, his frown deepening even further. Glad that she could not see it, could not see his shame where it was written plain as day across his features. Again and again, he came back to what Malik had said- 'Your path and your fate are your own to make.'

Had he lived his life in a way that honoured such words? The memory of the man who spoke them?

Tazim was not sure.

"It is so much..." he said softly, cryptically. Did not elaborate more than this, though knew he should have.