I'm writing pages upon pages trying to rid you from my bones.
I have to get this out of me. I called Greg last night, and I wasn't in the best state of mind. I talked for 20 minutes straight and just told him everything that I had been thinking about.
I told him that he wasn't the person I fell in love with, that he wasn't as strong as I had thought he was. I told him it was a shame he was throwing away something beautiful for something easy and that it was a pity he would run away so quickly. It's a shame he didn't believe in us anymore. And he doesn't deserve me. He doesn't deserve my love. He took advantage of me, and he lied to me. That is NOT my Greg. That's something an asshole would do. He's not the same guy. Somehow he's turned into a bad person. His morals have changed. He's not my Greg. I don't know who he is, but I do not like this guy. He doesn't deserve my love. I don't think it's too much to ask for a guy who's willing to put in as much into our relationship as I do. I don't think that's too much to ask for at all. And if he's going to first tell me he loves me, and then 12 hours later tell me that there's this girl who he likes because she's been giving him attention and he can't do our relationship anymore...who IS that? That's someone who is running away and taking the easy way out. And I've done all I can to keep us together, but I can't do my part and all of his. He's not worth it.
And yet, it still makes me really sad to think that I've lost this amazing guy. He was my best friend. He meant so much to me. Where is that Greg? Where is the Greg I fell in love with? Is he coming back anytime soon? Why did he leave? I take comfort in knowing that any girl after me will not get that amazing guy, and that he was all mine. I just miss him so much. Where is MY Greg? Where is he? This guy doesn't give a damn about me. He left me dangling, gave me hope, and then just took it away. You don't do that to someone you love. And then, you don't lie to her about your feelings for another girl, who, by the way, introduced herself to me because I caught her blatantly checking him out. That's why I hate girls. And yet, he likes her. Well, you know what? They will never have anything as amazing as what we had. Never, because this person is not as good as my Greg. How can you turn your back on what we have in favor of another girl who's closer? How can you do that? That's thinking with your penis and not with your head, and I know you're going to come to regret it one day.
And I hope you find yourself, because right now you're lost and confused and stressed. And the easy way of dealing with that is running away from it. And after you realize you made a grave mistake, I hope you learn from it. I've done all I can. I hope my Greg comes back. I miss my best friend. I understand that the two battles you're fighting are hard. But I'm fighting the same battles. And I was fighting right beside you. And yet you still abandoned me for something easy. How can you claim to love me and then do that? You're inconsistent, you don't know what you want, you don't even know who you are. I certainly don't know who you are.
I miss my Greg. I miss that guy. He's not here anymore...I want him to come back. I love MY Greg, not this guy. I don't know this guy. I still love my Greg. I still love him very much. And I will always love him because you just don't stop loving someone you've shared so much with. I want THAT Greg to come back. I would take that Greg back. I would. But he's gone gone gone. I'm dreaming with a broken heart and the giving up's the hardest part. But while you're on your hands and knees crawling away from this car-crash of a break-up, I will step out of the flames with poise and strength. I'm not bitter. Yes, I'm very hurt, but at the same time, I've come to a lot of realizations about a lot of things. You forced me to mature and grow in a very short amount of time, but I did it. And I'm better for it.
If, in the future, my Greg were to come back. I would want to have him in my life. But I do not have time for a lying, cowardly person. So find yourself. Find the good person I know you are. Find him for your sake. And then we can be friends. I'm just worried that you don't care. That you'd prefer to settle instead of work for what you want. Because if you still cared the TINIEST bit about me, you wouldn't run away. You wouldn't be like, "I have to go" so you can do something to help ignore what I said and make yourself feel better. You'd realize that I care deeply about you and that I'm willing to help if you let me. But as of now, I have no more respect for you and I do not trust you at all. You lied to me. You treated me like a safety net to fall back on. I do not deserve that. You and I both know I deserve so much more than that. And it hurts because right now you can't give that to me, and I want to believe that the Greg I love is still there. But until he comes back, if he ever does, there's nothing between us. No trust, no faith, no love. I'm saving my love for someone worth it, for someone who doesn't think of it as a "burden." That was the most hurtful thing you've ever said to me. And that is why you are not worth my time--you don't appreciate my love. You took it for granted. You took me for granted.
I realized that I still have a lot to say to you. And maybe I always will. There are a lot of things that have gone unresolved, and I am half-tempted to call and tell you what I have to say. But I know that there'll be more. I'll always have something to say to you, because I care. But I'm not going to let myself do that. I'm writing to purge you from my system. Turning to you is like running in a heavy fog. You're not there. You're not there for me, and that is why I am not going to run to you. I'm here, and I'm in a better place. I guess it's inherent in my nature to want to help you, but you're not letting me. And I have to stop trying. Because when you're wiser, you'll realize that I am not a mistake. But for now, you're weak and vulnerable. And as much as I'd like to protect you, but you're not letting me. So I'm not going to. You're on your own. You have to earn my trust and respect back before I let you back into my life. It'd be an even bigger shame if you didn't try, because then you would have given up on something incredible. But I have no control over your actions. I have no claim to you. I have no ties. No trust, no faith, no love. MY Greg was worthy of my love. I don't know you. You're just another stranger to me. I guess that makes us even...since you don't care about me, I can't really care about you because I don't know you.
I'm better for this. I'm stronger, smarter, more mature. I'm a better person now. Thanks for lifting me higher. I'm sorry you're not a better person too, but maybe you will be.
I told him that he wasn't the person I fell in love with, that he wasn't as strong as I had thought he was. I told him it was a shame he was throwing away something beautiful for something easy and that it was a pity he would run away so quickly. It's a shame he didn't believe in us anymore. And he doesn't deserve me. He doesn't deserve my love. He took advantage of me, and he lied to me. That is NOT my Greg. That's something an asshole would do. He's not the same guy. Somehow he's turned into a bad person. His morals have changed. He's not my Greg. I don't know who he is, but I do not like this guy. He doesn't deserve my love. I don't think it's too much to ask for a guy who's willing to put in as much into our relationship as I do. I don't think that's too much to ask for at all. And if he's going to first tell me he loves me, and then 12 hours later tell me that there's this girl who he likes because she's been giving him attention and he can't do our relationship anymore...who IS that? That's someone who is running away and taking the easy way out. And I've done all I can to keep us together, but I can't do my part and all of his. He's not worth it.
And yet, it still makes me really sad to think that I've lost this amazing guy. He was my best friend. He meant so much to me. Where is that Greg? Where is the Greg I fell in love with? Is he coming back anytime soon? Why did he leave? I take comfort in knowing that any girl after me will not get that amazing guy, and that he was all mine. I just miss him so much. Where is MY Greg? Where is he? This guy doesn't give a damn about me. He left me dangling, gave me hope, and then just took it away. You don't do that to someone you love. And then, you don't lie to her about your feelings for another girl, who, by the way, introduced herself to me because I caught her blatantly checking him out. That's why I hate girls. And yet, he likes her. Well, you know what? They will never have anything as amazing as what we had. Never, because this person is not as good as my Greg. How can you turn your back on what we have in favor of another girl who's closer? How can you do that? That's thinking with your penis and not with your head, and I know you're going to come to regret it one day.
And I hope you find yourself, because right now you're lost and confused and stressed. And the easy way of dealing with that is running away from it. And after you realize you made a grave mistake, I hope you learn from it. I've done all I can. I hope my Greg comes back. I miss my best friend. I understand that the two battles you're fighting are hard. But I'm fighting the same battles. And I was fighting right beside you. And yet you still abandoned me for something easy. How can you claim to love me and then do that? You're inconsistent, you don't know what you want, you don't even know who you are. I certainly don't know who you are.
I miss my Greg. I miss that guy. He's not here anymore...I want him to come back. I love MY Greg, not this guy. I don't know this guy. I still love my Greg. I still love him very much. And I will always love him because you just don't stop loving someone you've shared so much with. I want THAT Greg to come back. I would take that Greg back. I would. But he's gone gone gone. I'm dreaming with a broken heart and the giving up's the hardest part. But while you're on your hands and knees crawling away from this car-crash of a break-up, I will step out of the flames with poise and strength. I'm not bitter. Yes, I'm very hurt, but at the same time, I've come to a lot of realizations about a lot of things. You forced me to mature and grow in a very short amount of time, but I did it. And I'm better for it.
If, in the future, my Greg were to come back. I would want to have him in my life. But I do not have time for a lying, cowardly person. So find yourself. Find the good person I know you are. Find him for your sake. And then we can be friends. I'm just worried that you don't care. That you'd prefer to settle instead of work for what you want. Because if you still cared the TINIEST bit about me, you wouldn't run away. You wouldn't be like, "I have to go" so you can do something to help ignore what I said and make yourself feel better. You'd realize that I care deeply about you and that I'm willing to help if you let me. But as of now, I have no more respect for you and I do not trust you at all. You lied to me. You treated me like a safety net to fall back on. I do not deserve that. You and I both know I deserve so much more than that. And it hurts because right now you can't give that to me, and I want to believe that the Greg I love is still there. But until he comes back, if he ever does, there's nothing between us. No trust, no faith, no love. I'm saving my love for someone worth it, for someone who doesn't think of it as a "burden." That was the most hurtful thing you've ever said to me. And that is why you are not worth my time--you don't appreciate my love. You took it for granted. You took me for granted.
I realized that I still have a lot to say to you. And maybe I always will. There are a lot of things that have gone unresolved, and I am half-tempted to call and tell you what I have to say. But I know that there'll be more. I'll always have something to say to you, because I care. But I'm not going to let myself do that. I'm writing to purge you from my system. Turning to you is like running in a heavy fog. You're not there. You're not there for me, and that is why I am not going to run to you. I'm here, and I'm in a better place. I guess it's inherent in my nature to want to help you, but you're not letting me. And I have to stop trying. Because when you're wiser, you'll realize that I am not a mistake. But for now, you're weak and vulnerable. And as much as I'd like to protect you, but you're not letting me. So I'm not going to. You're on your own. You have to earn my trust and respect back before I let you back into my life. It'd be an even bigger shame if you didn't try, because then you would have given up on something incredible. But I have no control over your actions. I have no claim to you. I have no ties. No trust, no faith, no love. MY Greg was worthy of my love. I don't know you. You're just another stranger to me. I guess that makes us even...since you don't care about me, I can't really care about you because I don't know you.
I'm better for this. I'm stronger, smarter, more mature. I'm a better person now. Thanks for lifting me higher. I'm sorry you're not a better person too, but maybe you will be.