What If You [3/?]
After her fight with Callie, Arizona hopped in a cab to grab her things from the hotel and headed straight for the airport. She didn’t even stop to say goodbye to Tim. If no one was going to listen to her then there was no reason for her to stay. Her brother always did this, charging head first into everything without thinking about the consequences and leaving her to pick up the pieces. Even when they were kids she always had to look after him. She was done. Done with all of it.
And Callie! She was so angry at the orthopedic surgeon for agreeing to go ahead with the operation. Arizona let out a heavy sigh as she stood in line at the ticket counter. There had been a moment between them that she couldn’t explain. They had gotten so close in the heat of their argument that Arizona had been close enough to kiss her. Hell, she had even leaned in to do it before her senses kicked in. The blonde couldn’t deny the attraction anymore. If she had stayed in Seattle any longer she was sure the fire would erupt between them sooner or later.
She looked up at the departures board. There were a handful of flights leaving to Boston this evening and she could hop on any one of them and get back to her life. It would be so easy, but she knew she wouldn’t do it. With another sigh Arizona grabbed her bag and headed back out the airport doors.
/ / /
“Want to have lunch today?” Mark asked as they scrubbed out of their surgery. Callie had been paged in the middle of the night to help with the influx of burn victims from a restaurant fire and was exhausted. All she wanted to do was crash in the nearest on-call room.
“Thanks, but I’m just going to sleep for awhile before my next shift starts.”
He just nodded and held the door open before following her through it. Their patient had been the last of the critically injured brought in and the hospital was starting to calm down from its frantic morning.
“Why don’t you eat lunch with Teddy and your new friend,” Callie said unable to stop herself from teasing him. She also wanted some intel on Arizona. Callie had been pissed after the blonde blew up at her, but she was trying to let it go. Tim’s surgery was tomorrow and she wanted to focus all of her efforts on that.
“I knew you were going to tease me about that,” Mark said running a hand through his hair. Teddy had told her all about Mark’s failed attempts to woo Dr. Robbins. She wished she could have seen him bomb in such spectacular fashion. “But you know, after I got over my bruised ego, I had a great time. Arizona’s really great once you get over the perkiness.”
“Perky?” Callie scoffed. “Are you sure we’re talking about the same person?”
“Yeah, she said she was kind of a hard ass to you,” he said with a shrug. She gave him a look, but let it go. Hard ass didn’t go far enough to describe Arizona’s attitude towards her. “I’m going to go update the family.”
Callie watched him go and yawned. The on-call room across the hall beckoned for her, but she knew she should go check on Tim before they started pre-op. The brunette prayed Arizona wouldn’t be there. She didn’t have enough energy for another confrontation.
Tim was alone when she walked into the room. “What’s that?” she asked sneaking a look over his shoulder at the photo book he was looking through.
“It’s a bit of a manly scrapbook, I guess,” he said handing it over to Callie. “I’ve been doing it since I was a kid. We traveled a lot so I started putting pictures together so I could remember all the places I called home. I was adding some photos from Iraq.”
Callie was awed by the places Tim had visited. Germany, Japan, Italy, and practically every state in the country. There were pictures of houses and scenery, but mostly the pictures were of Tim and his family. Her eye caught one photo in particular. It was of Tim and a little girl she assumed was Arizona. They were sitting on a rock at the edge of a lake, arms around each other, wearing matching dimpled grins. She smiled at the image and handed him back the book.
“You’ve been to a lot of places. It’s a good idea to keep it all together like that.”
Tim just nodded and gently set the book down on the table beside him. It was then that she noticed the tension in his body. He held his shoulders tighter with a look in his eyes that said he was ready for a fight. It was such a stark contrast to the jovial relaxed man she knew.
“Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s great,” he said clenching his jaw.
Callie knew better than to push him, so she backed off and grabbed his chart to check his stats. “I just wanted to check to see how you were doing before tomorrow’s surgery. Your stats look good. I was going to have a resident come in soon to go over pre-op with you, but we can wait until your sister is here.”
“You can have them do it now. Arizona probably won’t be back for awhile.”
“She left?”
“I haven’t seen her since last night,” Tim said. Callie understood why he was tense now and felt guilty.
“I’m sorry, Tim. That’s partly my fault. We got into a bit of an argument last night and she left pretty angry.”
Tim sighed heavily. “It’s not your fault, Dr. Torres. This is just something my sister does when things get too tough.” She looked at him confused before he continued. “She bails.”
Callie looked at him and bit back the irritation the statement left her with. How could Arizona leave her brother at a time like this, especially when she had fought so hard for his well being? She watched the fight drain out of Tim as his shoulders slumped forward.
“So she just left without saying anything?” She tried to keep her voice neutral, but failed.
“I know what you’re thinking, but don’t be so hard on her. The way she’s been treating you . . . she’s not normally like this.”
“I’m sorry,” she said again. “This is none of my business. I didn’t mean to overstep.”
Tim looked at her for a minute then smiled softly. “You didn’t overstep. Can I ask you something though?”
Callie nodded. “Of course.”
“When you see my sister again can you do me a favor and go easy on her? She’s acting this way because she feels guilty and I-I can’t bear for her to feel any worse.”
For the first time since she met the Robbins siblings, Callie finally understood Arizona’s anger and protectiveness of her brother. It was guilt.
“She couldn’t help you,” she said softly as everything clicked into place.
Tim nodded and looked down. It was clear how close the two were, both feeling bad for causing the other pain. “It was always just the two of us. We moved so many times that any friends we had we left before too long. Growing up, she was always looking out for me. When I’d cry because we had to move again, she’d sit with me and help put pictures in my book. When I was eight and starting a new school she punched a kid who was bullying me. In high school, she made it clear that no one could mess with her brother. The past few years have been hard for her because she knew there was nothing she could do to protect me over there. And then I got hurt and there was nothing she could do to help me.”
“So her only way to protect you was to make sure you didn’t do something stupid like let some random surgeon perform experimental surgery on her brother,” Callie finished with a small smile.
“A badass surgeon. I make my own choices Dr. Torres and I’m not trying to make excuses for the way my sister has treated you, but I wanted you to know that she’s just trying to protect me in the last way she can right now.”
Callie took in his words. Thinking back to every conversation and argument she had with Arizona there had always been some fire in her eyes that Callie couldn’t place, but now came to recognize as desperation. It made Callie feel like an ass for the anger she felt toward the blonde. It reminded her of the way her father fought for his family and protected them fiercely. She promised Tim to take it easy on his sister and talked to him a little about the surgery before leaving to catch a few hours of sleep. She had a feeling her mind would be too busy thinking about Arizona to actually sleep.
/ / /
“What are you doing out here? It’s freezing.”
Teddy sat next to Arizona and pulled her coat tighter around herself. It was freezing, but after an hour of sitting outside she was mostly numb to the cold. After leaving the airport Arizona tried to come up with an apology speech to her brother, but all of the words sounded hollow in her mind, so she plopped herself on the bench until she could come up with something more genuine.
She smiled at Teddy and playfully bumped her with her shoulder. “I think the better question is: what are you doing out here?”
“Hiding from my resident,” Teddy said rolling her eyes. “Cristina Yang is trolling for surgeries and I can’t deal with her begging right now. I’m trying to teach her a lesson.” Arizona chuckled. Cristina Yang sounded a lot like her as a resident. “Your turn.”
“I’m hiding too.”
“From your brother or Callie Torres?”
Arizona flinched. “You heard about that?”
“The nurses heard you. Spread like wildfire from there. Plus news about Torres is in high demand right now. Sorry you got dragged into it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Callie had a . . . rough break up with a colleague who used to work here awhile ago,” Teddy said vaguely. She liked Torres and didn’t want to air all of her dirty laundry.
“And my little outburst threw her back into the rumor mill?”
Teddy nodded and stood. “Look, I don’t want to get involved in your business, but Callie’s been through a lot and she’s seemed to come out of it for the better. The last thing she needs right now is to be dragged into another scandal.”
Arizona nodded and watched her go. Making Callie Torres’ job harder was another thing to add to the list of sins she had to atone for. She let out a breath, watching as it fogged and dissipated in front of her. When had her life gotten so complicated? Work, sleep, and dinner with her parents every other week was a schedule she could deal with. The few days she’d been in Seattle had left her tired and weary, making her wish Nick was here to help carry the burden. The last time she saw him was before Tim shipped out. They had thrown a party for her brother, gotten plastered on tequila and Jell-O shots, and stayed up late into the night talking about the two years they spent together as kids in San Diego. Last she heard he was in Kenya taking pictures of old villages for National Geographic. She wondered if he knew Tim got hurt.
It was time face her brother. With a deep breath, Arizona stood from the bench, stretched her frozen limbs, and headed through the glass doors of Seattle Grace. The halls were quiet as the calm of night set in. When she reached her brother’s room she waited by the door and gathered her courage. Apologizing wasn’t her strong suit.
“You buy a ticket this time?” he asked without looking up from his magazine.
“No, but I actually made it inside the airport.”
He looked up at her. “I hope nothing ever scares you so much that you finally get on the plane.” Tim said it in a playful tone, but she sees the seriousness in his eyes. They’ve had this conversation many times before. She leaves when things get hard. It’s not something she’s proud of, but she’s working on it. Or, at least, she’s planning on working on it.
“Tim I-”
“We’ve been through this Arizona. You’re sorry. I’m sorry. You don’t have to protect me; I’m a big boy now. Blah, blah, blah. I don’t feel like having the conversation again.” He was irritated, but he said it teasingly so she knew she wasn’t in any real trouble.
“As long as you’re my little brother I’m always going to protect you.”
He rolled his eyes and motioned for her to come inside. “Do me a favor then. Steer clear of Dr. Torres until after the surgery. I don’t want her to hack off my leg for the hell of it because you pissed her off again.”
And Callie! She was so angry at the orthopedic surgeon for agreeing to go ahead with the operation. Arizona let out a heavy sigh as she stood in line at the ticket counter. There had been a moment between them that she couldn’t explain. They had gotten so close in the heat of their argument that Arizona had been close enough to kiss her. Hell, she had even leaned in to do it before her senses kicked in. The blonde couldn’t deny the attraction anymore. If she had stayed in Seattle any longer she was sure the fire would erupt between them sooner or later.
She looked up at the departures board. There were a handful of flights leaving to Boston this evening and she could hop on any one of them and get back to her life. It would be so easy, but she knew she wouldn’t do it. With another sigh Arizona grabbed her bag and headed back out the airport doors.
/ / /
“Want to have lunch today?” Mark asked as they scrubbed out of their surgery. Callie had been paged in the middle of the night to help with the influx of burn victims from a restaurant fire and was exhausted. All she wanted to do was crash in the nearest on-call room.
“Thanks, but I’m just going to sleep for awhile before my next shift starts.”
He just nodded and held the door open before following her through it. Their patient had been the last of the critically injured brought in and the hospital was starting to calm down from its frantic morning.
“Why don’t you eat lunch with Teddy and your new friend,” Callie said unable to stop herself from teasing him. She also wanted some intel on Arizona. Callie had been pissed after the blonde blew up at her, but she was trying to let it go. Tim’s surgery was tomorrow and she wanted to focus all of her efforts on that.
“I knew you were going to tease me about that,” Mark said running a hand through his hair. Teddy had told her all about Mark’s failed attempts to woo Dr. Robbins. She wished she could have seen him bomb in such spectacular fashion. “But you know, after I got over my bruised ego, I had a great time. Arizona’s really great once you get over the perkiness.”
“Perky?” Callie scoffed. “Are you sure we’re talking about the same person?”
“Yeah, she said she was kind of a hard ass to you,” he said with a shrug. She gave him a look, but let it go. Hard ass didn’t go far enough to describe Arizona’s attitude towards her. “I’m going to go update the family.”
Callie watched him go and yawned. The on-call room across the hall beckoned for her, but she knew she should go check on Tim before they started pre-op. The brunette prayed Arizona wouldn’t be there. She didn’t have enough energy for another confrontation.
Tim was alone when she walked into the room. “What’s that?” she asked sneaking a look over his shoulder at the photo book he was looking through.
“It’s a bit of a manly scrapbook, I guess,” he said handing it over to Callie. “I’ve been doing it since I was a kid. We traveled a lot so I started putting pictures together so I could remember all the places I called home. I was adding some photos from Iraq.”
Callie was awed by the places Tim had visited. Germany, Japan, Italy, and practically every state in the country. There were pictures of houses and scenery, but mostly the pictures were of Tim and his family. Her eye caught one photo in particular. It was of Tim and a little girl she assumed was Arizona. They were sitting on a rock at the edge of a lake, arms around each other, wearing matching dimpled grins. She smiled at the image and handed him back the book.
“You’ve been to a lot of places. It’s a good idea to keep it all together like that.”
Tim just nodded and gently set the book down on the table beside him. It was then that she noticed the tension in his body. He held his shoulders tighter with a look in his eyes that said he was ready for a fight. It was such a stark contrast to the jovial relaxed man she knew.
“Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s great,” he said clenching his jaw.
Callie knew better than to push him, so she backed off and grabbed his chart to check his stats. “I just wanted to check to see how you were doing before tomorrow’s surgery. Your stats look good. I was going to have a resident come in soon to go over pre-op with you, but we can wait until your sister is here.”
“You can have them do it now. Arizona probably won’t be back for awhile.”
“She left?”
“I haven’t seen her since last night,” Tim said. Callie understood why he was tense now and felt guilty.
“I’m sorry, Tim. That’s partly my fault. We got into a bit of an argument last night and she left pretty angry.”
Tim sighed heavily. “It’s not your fault, Dr. Torres. This is just something my sister does when things get too tough.” She looked at him confused before he continued. “She bails.”
Callie looked at him and bit back the irritation the statement left her with. How could Arizona leave her brother at a time like this, especially when she had fought so hard for his well being? She watched the fight drain out of Tim as his shoulders slumped forward.
“So she just left without saying anything?” She tried to keep her voice neutral, but failed.
“I know what you’re thinking, but don’t be so hard on her. The way she’s been treating you . . . she’s not normally like this.”
“I’m sorry,” she said again. “This is none of my business. I didn’t mean to overstep.”
Tim looked at her for a minute then smiled softly. “You didn’t overstep. Can I ask you something though?”
Callie nodded. “Of course.”
“When you see my sister again can you do me a favor and go easy on her? She’s acting this way because she feels guilty and I-I can’t bear for her to feel any worse.”
For the first time since she met the Robbins siblings, Callie finally understood Arizona’s anger and protectiveness of her brother. It was guilt.
“She couldn’t help you,” she said softly as everything clicked into place.
Tim nodded and looked down. It was clear how close the two were, both feeling bad for causing the other pain. “It was always just the two of us. We moved so many times that any friends we had we left before too long. Growing up, she was always looking out for me. When I’d cry because we had to move again, she’d sit with me and help put pictures in my book. When I was eight and starting a new school she punched a kid who was bullying me. In high school, she made it clear that no one could mess with her brother. The past few years have been hard for her because she knew there was nothing she could do to protect me over there. And then I got hurt and there was nothing she could do to help me.”
“So her only way to protect you was to make sure you didn’t do something stupid like let some random surgeon perform experimental surgery on her brother,” Callie finished with a small smile.
“A badass surgeon. I make my own choices Dr. Torres and I’m not trying to make excuses for the way my sister has treated you, but I wanted you to know that she’s just trying to protect me in the last way she can right now.”
Callie took in his words. Thinking back to every conversation and argument she had with Arizona there had always been some fire in her eyes that Callie couldn’t place, but now came to recognize as desperation. It made Callie feel like an ass for the anger she felt toward the blonde. It reminded her of the way her father fought for his family and protected them fiercely. She promised Tim to take it easy on his sister and talked to him a little about the surgery before leaving to catch a few hours of sleep. She had a feeling her mind would be too busy thinking about Arizona to actually sleep.
/ / /
“What are you doing out here? It’s freezing.”
Teddy sat next to Arizona and pulled her coat tighter around herself. It was freezing, but after an hour of sitting outside she was mostly numb to the cold. After leaving the airport Arizona tried to come up with an apology speech to her brother, but all of the words sounded hollow in her mind, so she plopped herself on the bench until she could come up with something more genuine.
She smiled at Teddy and playfully bumped her with her shoulder. “I think the better question is: what are you doing out here?”
“Hiding from my resident,” Teddy said rolling her eyes. “Cristina Yang is trolling for surgeries and I can’t deal with her begging right now. I’m trying to teach her a lesson.” Arizona chuckled. Cristina Yang sounded a lot like her as a resident. “Your turn.”
“I’m hiding too.”
“From your brother or Callie Torres?”
Arizona flinched. “You heard about that?”
“The nurses heard you. Spread like wildfire from there. Plus news about Torres is in high demand right now. Sorry you got dragged into it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Callie had a . . . rough break up with a colleague who used to work here awhile ago,” Teddy said vaguely. She liked Torres and didn’t want to air all of her dirty laundry.
“And my little outburst threw her back into the rumor mill?”
Teddy nodded and stood. “Look, I don’t want to get involved in your business, but Callie’s been through a lot and she’s seemed to come out of it for the better. The last thing she needs right now is to be dragged into another scandal.”
Arizona nodded and watched her go. Making Callie Torres’ job harder was another thing to add to the list of sins she had to atone for. She let out a breath, watching as it fogged and dissipated in front of her. When had her life gotten so complicated? Work, sleep, and dinner with her parents every other week was a schedule she could deal with. The few days she’d been in Seattle had left her tired and weary, making her wish Nick was here to help carry the burden. The last time she saw him was before Tim shipped out. They had thrown a party for her brother, gotten plastered on tequila and Jell-O shots, and stayed up late into the night talking about the two years they spent together as kids in San Diego. Last she heard he was in Kenya taking pictures of old villages for National Geographic. She wondered if he knew Tim got hurt.
It was time face her brother. With a deep breath, Arizona stood from the bench, stretched her frozen limbs, and headed through the glass doors of Seattle Grace. The halls were quiet as the calm of night set in. When she reached her brother’s room she waited by the door and gathered her courage. Apologizing wasn’t her strong suit.
“You buy a ticket this time?” he asked without looking up from his magazine.
“No, but I actually made it inside the airport.”
He looked up at her. “I hope nothing ever scares you so much that you finally get on the plane.” Tim said it in a playful tone, but she sees the seriousness in his eyes. They’ve had this conversation many times before. She leaves when things get hard. It’s not something she’s proud of, but she’s working on it. Or, at least, she’s planning on working on it.
“Tim I-”
“We’ve been through this Arizona. You’re sorry. I’m sorry. You don’t have to protect me; I’m a big boy now. Blah, blah, blah. I don’t feel like having the conversation again.” He was irritated, but he said it teasingly so she knew she wasn’t in any real trouble.
“As long as you’re my little brother I’m always going to protect you.”
He rolled his eyes and motioned for her to come inside. “Do me a favor then. Steer clear of Dr. Torres until after the surgery. I don’t want her to hack off my leg for the hell of it because you pissed her off again.”