I am a mess!!!!
Dear Journal,
Last night was the worst night ever. I haven't been this miserable in a while this is worst than anything ever. Well last night I get a phone call on my cell phone from a friend of mine Chuck telling me that Jon (my ex) is going to jail. I ask him why and he's like I am not sure. So me being the good friend I say that I will make a few phone calls and get right back to him and let him know what is going on. I then hang up with him and I call my friend Doug who is another mutual friend of jon's and mine. He answers the phone and I tell him what Chuck had told me and Doug was like I don't know nothing that I know and then I hear Michael in the background saying, " You fucking bitch how could you fuck my friend over like you are? He is getting a restraining order on you." When I hear this I try to ask Doug what he meant by that but all of a sudden Doug's phone went dead and I call him back and michael answers the phone and hangs up and I do that like 6-7 times and he keeps doing that. Well by this time I am in hardcore tears and now sure what to do.
I call Chuck and I was in tears and he was like okay what the hell is wrong? I then literally am hysterical and I am trying to tell him what I had found out about the restraining order and everything and he was like omg are you okay? The first words out of his mouth he knows I don't get mad easily but this is the one thing that totally freaked me out and I didn't know what to do. Well Chuck was like um well let me call you back and so he called Jon and found out what I had told him was true about the restraining order and everything was true. He told me that he will call and talk to him today and tell him everything that I told him about me never doing that because I still love him I would not want to hurt him like that. He is then going to call me and tell me what is going on when he finds out what the hell is going on. I really want to know what is going to happen because I don't want this to hurt our friendship or anything.
If this whole mess hurts what Jon and I had I will never forgive my sister for it. I will hold her to it because it will be all of her fault. I don't know how she could do this to me. I mean I thought family was supposed to stick together, but obviously I was wrong. Anytime I have any friends or I get close to any guy she goes and gets in the middle of it so she will hurt what I had with that person. She is the reason I don't really have any friends that live close by. She has taken all of them from me. I don't know how I can put up with loosing Jon too. I love him so much I have loved him for yrs. He has been my best friend. I am going to be so hurt it's not ecen funny. I am just to the point right now where I want to just dissapear and not come back. Anything in my room has been making me think about him. There are so many pictures in there of the 2 of us there are pieces of a dress or a outfit that I wore that has memories of the two of us and how close we used to be. I dont know what I am going to do put everything up that reminds me of him and anything that I can think of that will make me think of him. It is going to be hard. You wouldn't believe how hard last night was. I was crying pretty much all night and wasn't able to stop and I am still in tears. My eyes are all blotchy now and my cheecks all swollen.
I really hope Chucks talking to Jon helps and Jon calls me and tells me that everything is going to be okay, but we will see tonight I guess. I guess I better get going before I ramble too much. Any suggestions on what to do?
~Courtney~
Last night was the worst night ever. I haven't been this miserable in a while this is worst than anything ever. Well last night I get a phone call on my cell phone from a friend of mine Chuck telling me that Jon (my ex) is going to jail. I ask him why and he's like I am not sure. So me being the good friend I say that I will make a few phone calls and get right back to him and let him know what is going on. I then hang up with him and I call my friend Doug who is another mutual friend of jon's and mine. He answers the phone and I tell him what Chuck had told me and Doug was like I don't know nothing that I know and then I hear Michael in the background saying, " You fucking bitch how could you fuck my friend over like you are? He is getting a restraining order on you." When I hear this I try to ask Doug what he meant by that but all of a sudden Doug's phone went dead and I call him back and michael answers the phone and hangs up and I do that like 6-7 times and he keeps doing that. Well by this time I am in hardcore tears and now sure what to do.
I call Chuck and I was in tears and he was like okay what the hell is wrong? I then literally am hysterical and I am trying to tell him what I had found out about the restraining order and everything and he was like omg are you okay? The first words out of his mouth he knows I don't get mad easily but this is the one thing that totally freaked me out and I didn't know what to do. Well Chuck was like um well let me call you back and so he called Jon and found out what I had told him was true about the restraining order and everything was true. He told me that he will call and talk to him today and tell him everything that I told him about me never doing that because I still love him I would not want to hurt him like that. He is then going to call me and tell me what is going on when he finds out what the hell is going on. I really want to know what is going to happen because I don't want this to hurt our friendship or anything.
If this whole mess hurts what Jon and I had I will never forgive my sister for it. I will hold her to it because it will be all of her fault. I don't know how she could do this to me. I mean I thought family was supposed to stick together, but obviously I was wrong. Anytime I have any friends or I get close to any guy she goes and gets in the middle of it so she will hurt what I had with that person. She is the reason I don't really have any friends that live close by. She has taken all of them from me. I don't know how I can put up with loosing Jon too. I love him so much I have loved him for yrs. He has been my best friend. I am going to be so hurt it's not ecen funny. I am just to the point right now where I want to just dissapear and not come back. Anything in my room has been making me think about him. There are so many pictures in there of the 2 of us there are pieces of a dress or a outfit that I wore that has memories of the two of us and how close we used to be. I dont know what I am going to do put everything up that reminds me of him and anything that I can think of that will make me think of him. It is going to be hard. You wouldn't believe how hard last night was. I was crying pretty much all night and wasn't able to stop and I am still in tears. My eyes are all blotchy now and my cheecks all swollen.
I really hope Chucks talking to Jon helps and Jon calls me and tells me that everything is going to be okay, but we will see tonight I guess. I guess I better get going before I ramble too much. Any suggestions on what to do?
~Courtney~