(no subject)
Tonight, a stumbling, drunken fellow informed us of our neighbor's passing. The woman died last week; I wish I had known. I wish I known that the aforementioned, intoxicated gentleman was also a neighbor of ours. How unneighborly of me.
No, really. I suck. I mean, this particular, deceased woman had been very kind to us. Having been a nurse, she offered medical assistance during my pregnancy. She was a wealth of advice and encouragement; just the sort of neighbor a new parent needs. At one point, whilst struggling to breastfeed, the woman showed me her own mammary in attempt to sooth my insecurity. I mocked her forwardness as awkward and uncalled for.
Furthering my horrid conduct, my mind spawned creative tales to excuse her disappearance. Having left town nearly a month ago, her absence fueled a hoard of tall-tales. Brad and I wondered if she had to jail, or to a mental institution (GASP!). We shook our heads in disgust as her husband's mistresses came and went.
How dare we. How dare we judge. This man, this beautiful man, was the same man that had, only months before, cooked us gourmet dinners. This man, who always said hello. This man who's wife of 20 years was in the hospital, dying.
I have a lovely bunch of family and friends. But, I feel as though I've forgotten that other people exist. And, not only that they exist, but that they can and do profoundly impact my own life. Still, I need to allow them to have an even greater impact on my life.
I can not live blindly with the people that I love. These are wonderful folks- my confidants, my companions; but, these are inherently imperfect people. Living within the realm of such a closed perspective has let me become closed minded and cynical. I am too dependant upon their approval and respect.
It is too easy for me to write off my social-inadequacy as being a result of my absence from work and school. But, I can not let myself believe that the only valuable vision is that which is seen through such an occasion. In my own shitty apartment complex, I could have made a friend.
I could have learned a lot from that veteran mother and wife. I could have found some comfort and warmth on the other side of our paper-thin wall. But, I'm sorry to say that I failed at that task. I'm sorry I never got to know the woman that I miss.
No, really. I suck. I mean, this particular, deceased woman had been very kind to us. Having been a nurse, she offered medical assistance during my pregnancy. She was a wealth of advice and encouragement; just the sort of neighbor a new parent needs. At one point, whilst struggling to breastfeed, the woman showed me her own mammary in attempt to sooth my insecurity. I mocked her forwardness as awkward and uncalled for.
Furthering my horrid conduct, my mind spawned creative tales to excuse her disappearance. Having left town nearly a month ago, her absence fueled a hoard of tall-tales. Brad and I wondered if she had to jail, or to a mental institution (GASP!). We shook our heads in disgust as her husband's mistresses came and went.
How dare we. How dare we judge. This man, this beautiful man, was the same man that had, only months before, cooked us gourmet dinners. This man, who always said hello. This man who's wife of 20 years was in the hospital, dying.
I have a lovely bunch of family and friends. But, I feel as though I've forgotten that other people exist. And, not only that they exist, but that they can and do profoundly impact my own life. Still, I need to allow them to have an even greater impact on my life.
I can not live blindly with the people that I love. These are wonderful folks- my confidants, my companions; but, these are inherently imperfect people. Living within the realm of such a closed perspective has let me become closed minded and cynical. I am too dependant upon their approval and respect.
It is too easy for me to write off my social-inadequacy as being a result of my absence from work and school. But, I can not let myself believe that the only valuable vision is that which is seen through such an occasion. In my own shitty apartment complex, I could have made a friend.
I could have learned a lot from that veteran mother and wife. I could have found some comfort and warmth on the other side of our paper-thin wall. But, I'm sorry to say that I failed at that task. I'm sorry I never got to know the woman that I miss.