Change Your Mind
The longer I hang out with the guys the more I long to be like them. I probably never will be though, I'll fake enjoying Soccer, Hockey, Football, probably forever but I'll never enjoy it, *truly*. I long to be in a serious relationship. What am I fifty? Does it matter? Should it? So if it doesn't matter then why do I never persue? Why am I able to talk but never go that extra step? Am I afriad? Am I gay? No. I am 98% postive no... I've been checking out Hilary more often lately. I don't think I'd ever say anymore to her about it though. She's pretty, god yah, but I don't know, I think too much history. Most of which while really fun, just puts a block there. I think about Alex and Haley too, what I need to improve on. How I need to change to stop being "friend-guy", it's a terrible place to be in. I walked into La Vie en Rose today and wasn't phased at all. Kieran and Chris seemed fairly awkward, at least at first. I didn't care. I've been desensitized! To all that is girl. I know too much. I act too femine. A change is good. I am now *thinking* about going to formal. I think I would need to bring an actual date though, something about going to my first dance ever without one just makes me depressed. I think I partially want a relationship just to keep up with Kieran too. Always being a third wheel gets annoying, it would be cool to have someone who hung out with Rach and they got along so we could all hang out and make some wierd group of foursome, that wouldn't *ever* swing, because that's gross so Beka stop thinking that *right* now. I like Rachel too, she's sweet, she cares, she's really quite a nice person, we just fight for attention from the same person which puts us at each others throats sometimes. Heh.
A change is coming. Hopefully I'll stop posting in this and watching tv and finally get into some sort of healthy shape. One day.
A change is coming. Hopefully I'll stop posting in this and watching tv and finally get into some sort of healthy shape. One day.